Name: Norm Macdonald Complimenting Jerry Seinfeld's Eyes
Uploaded: 2022-02-16T15:59:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Complimenting Jerry Seinfeld's Eyes' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Complimenting Jerry Seinfeld's Eyes' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-16. Transcript available.

When I look into your eyes, though, I'm not joking.
It's just I've never had a talk show host say that to me.
When I look into your eyes, I see...
And I've done hundreds of talk shows.
I see an eternal being.
Thank you, Norm.
A lovely thing to say.
So do you think there is such a thing?
As what? As a supreme being?
No, an eternal being.
I think we all are.
What surprises you about me?
What surprises me?
You, about me.
You mean just during this interview?
Just in general.
You seem kind.
That's surprising.
Uh-huh.
Because I would think you're cold.
Right.
And yet you're warm.
Oh, thank you.
And in your eyes?
I always go by eyes.
Again?
I always go by eyes.
You should.
What if someone's blind, though?
It's not sexual. It's not only sexual.
What if someone's blind?
My dad knew a blind man.
And my dad was in the war.
He was, you know, he was a double generation older than I.
You know, he had me when he was 50.
So he was in...
That explains a lot.
He was in the Great One.
And all his friends were...
Right.
And so...
Wayne Gretzky?
He had a...
That's a good joke.
So he had a blind friend.
And he came over.
And my dad said,
Do you want a Coke, Elmer?
RC Cola.
Well, God damn.
We don't got no RC Cola.
We got Coca Cola.
The gold standard.
Right.
And this blind bastard wants an RC.
So I go down to Avonmore, take him, pick up an RC.
Well, that's a mile and a half walk.
Right.
So I walk with this blind son of a bitch.
And he says to me...
He wants me to describe everything.
So I said,
Okay, well, on the left, there's some cows lowing.
And, you know, there's a fence.
He goes,
Is it like a wood that's near petrified?
I said, Yes, it is.
And how big is it?
Three feet.
I said,
John Neal Mergerison used to own this land.
He said,
I don't want to hear that.
He says,
Just tell me what is.
And so all of a sudden,
I saw things as they were.
I was very young,
but I'll never forget that.
Because I had to see for this blind man,
I had to see and describe not my opinions, you know?
Right.
So when I went by John Neal Mergerison's house
a half a quarter later,
I didn't mention John Neal or anything.
I just described the house.
Right.
Because that's all he wanted to see.
And then I began to realize
that life is what is,
not what you think it is,
or not even what it appears to be sometimes.
But I think you would agree
that your life or my life
is just a series of facts,
a series of incidents.
It's not what you dream or hope or believe.
It's what you do.
I would say the exact opposite.
What do you think it is?
First of all,
you mean to tell me
this does not end with
we suddenly realize,
why the hell are we getting this blind man
a different brand?
That's not the punchline?
Oh, no, there's no punchline.
Oh, my God.
I was definitely expecting you.
Yeah.
Didn't you see you a million miles away?
A thousand percent.
Why are we getting
a different brand Coke
for a blind man?
That's not where we're going?
Well, he didn't,
his sense of taste was expanded.
He doesn't drink it through his eyes.
I guarantee you,
you could fool a blind person
with an off-brand Coke.
But anyway,
let's go back to your question.
Is life the facts?
Yes.
Or is it what we think it is?
And I would,
to me,
the facts are somewhat irrelevant.
And what you dream,
hope,
imagine is the reality.
Our life is the perfect testament to that.
Because everything we are
is only because we imagined it.
Yes,
but you imagined it into being.
And so the being is what's important.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Because the imagined made it.
What if you just sit at home
and imagine things on your chair?
Are you just a person sitting on a chair?
Or are you,
what is in your mind,
the imaginings of your soul?
The imaginings.
The real world is not this.
These are props.
This is the trunk.
Is this the real?
The act is in here.
Is this the real world?
If you were really funny,
you would have poked me like Mo.
I mean,
there's a reason
that we don't look at each other
in the chest.
Isn't there?
Yeah.
But we take notice of the chest.
We look at the eyes,
but we also look around.
You're like a chesty lady.
Yeah.
Right?
I'm not.
Oh, God.
I know it's time
to close my eyes
What's next
for Jerry Seinfeld?
We'll find out
after this.
No.
Oh.
Because you're a young man.
I'm 62.
What?
Really?
62.
Look how lucky he is.
Look good.
Yeah.
Looks a lot better than me
and I'm 68.
It's dreamlike.
How fast did that go?
I found it dreamlike.
Me too.
It's a wonderful thing.
Yeah.
There's something beautiful
about this one.
I'm so glad.
I'm not joking.
I'm not being ironic.
No, I really loved it too.
It was great.
Oh, that's great.
Too bad this guy was here.
Yeah.