Name: Norm Macdonald on Sylvester Stallone
Uploaded: 2022-02-23T16:35:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Sylvester Stallone' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Sylvester Stallone' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-23. Transcript available.

Are you all right?
Oh, what happened?
Well, you're all right, sir.
Now, everything's gonna be fine, fine.
I saw a white light and I felt this inner peace.
I thought I was going to heaven.
But then that guy from that horrible movie, Rhinestone, showed up.
What?
He flies alone. He's trying to help us.
Don't move. There's an ambulance coming. Please.
Thank you so much. You're very kind.
No, it's okay.
He's not that kind. Did you see Cobra?
You know, that movie actually got very screwed up in the editing.
Ah!
Whoa, whoa, what's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?
I just remembered staying alive.
Oh, hey, come on.
Look, you'll be fine. You're just a little shaken up, okay?
Uh-huh, great. I don't know which is worse, being in this accident
or being helped by the star of Judge Dredd.
Listen, he's trying to be nice.
Yeah, okay, fine. How are you doing, madam?
My arm hurts.
Already? Can you move your fingers?
Oh, God! Paradise Valley sucked!
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that.
Ah, well, don't be sorry. The guy stole two hours of your life.
Oh, come on. That's enough. I'm trying to help you.
Let me ask you something.
Hmm?
What were you thinking when you made Over the Top?
What?
Over the Top? I mean, you had to arm wrestle the guy for the custody of your
son, for God's sake.
Let's save your energy.
I mean, did you actually get that script and go around telling people,
Hey, this is a good one.
Oh, come on. Just drop it, please.
No, no. You're right, you know.
It was an excellent movie, now that I think about it.
After all, you know, it does combine the emotional drama of a custody child
hearing with arm wrestling.
That's enough!
Shut up!
Stop!
Hey, hey, what the hell are you doing? You're punching car accident victims.
No, no, no, you don't understand. He was bad-mouthing my films.
The man is injured and he happens to think Tango and Cash is jackass, so you
hit him?
He didn't mention Tango and Cash, okay?
Please, I'm going to just help my husband.
I think this guy's dying.
All right, all right, everyone clear.
I'm losing him.
Stop. Stop.
Stop, or my mom will shoot suck.
So, on Weekend Update, when you anchored, Frank Stallone was often a punchline.
Did he know it was coming, or did you ever talk to him afterwards?
I don't know.
But I talked to his brother, Sylvester Stallone, who hosted the show, and he
was like,
What the fuck with Frank?
So I said, you know, it's a complete non sequitur. It's ridiculous, you know?
And so he told me, you know, he says, the thing with Frank is, you know, after
Rocky,
he decided to become a boxer.
So, you know, he'd go in the ring with it.
He'd say, like, the Italian Stallion's brother.
He goes, every boxer in Philadelphia, you just beat the shit out of him.
He goes, he's never been right since, and I feel guilty about it.
He says, if you could just lay off him for a while.
And I was like, no, I'll say, I never did it, I never did it.
You say I don't listen.
I tell you I try.
And we both got our own problems.
But I still...
According to the EPA, it will cost an estimated $295 million
to clean up toxic waste at the former Lockheed Martin Military Aircraft Plant
in California.
The cause of the toxic waste?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
In Princess Anne, Maryland, state health officials have discovered
what caused the mysterious death of 200,000 fish at a Somerset County fish farm.
The culprit?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
In economic news, unemployment figures rose slightly for the month of October
with declines in the Dow Jones and NASDAQ.
The reason for the sudden downturn?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
Entertainment Weekly's list of the 101 most powerful people in show business is
out.
At number one, Fox CEO Robert Murdoch.
And at number two, you guessed it, Frank Stallone.
And finally, the number one selling doll this Christmas is Tickle Me Elmo.
And the least popular selling doll?
You guessed it.
Tickle Me Frank Stallone.
And the British Sunday Times is reporting that Belgian doctors have
accidentally cloned a human being.
The human being?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
Recent photos sent from the Galileo space probe orbiting Jupiter's moon Europa
suggest that it meets the conditions necessary to support a primitive life form.
Just what kind of life form?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
And finally, the votes are in.
And Entertainment Weekly has chosen its funniest man alive.
And who is the funniest man alive?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
Congratulations, Frank Stallone.