Name: The Bird is in Your Hands
Uploaded: 2022-02-25T17:13:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Bird is in Your Hands' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Bird is in Your Hands' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-25. Transcript available.

By the way, you know that guy, who's that guy with the cowboy hat that defends
everybody, Jerry Spence?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so this guy, Jerry Spence, apparently is this big defense attorney
wearing a buckskin coat and an old cowboy hat.
Yeah.
And that goes, well, the jury's like that.
Yeah.
I feel like I just stand out.
Yeah, so you want to get that guy.
So anyways, apparently at the end of every trial, you know, the guy, his client's
always clearly guilty.
Yeah.
And then this guy, this is his final statement.
He goes, ladies and gentlemen, he goes, I'd like to tell you a story about a
young foolish boy who had a bird.
And he came up to a wise old man.
He said, he said, in my hand, I may or may not have a bird.
No, and in my hand, I have a bird.
If you say A, I will crush the bird or perhaps I'll set him free.
If you say B, I will crush the bird or else I will set him free.
It is up to you, old man, wise old man.
You just say A or B and we'll see what happens with the bird.
The wise old man said, son, the bird is in your hand.
Ladies and gentlemen, the bird is here in your hand.
Thank you.
Two minutes later, not guilty every time.
That's all they remember.
They don't remember any of the evidence.
They're like, that bird story makes a good point there.
We can't risk killing a bird.
I sometimes tell a story in very special cases
about an old man and a smart aleck boy and a bird.
And this is a very special case.
And I want to leave you with this story
because it's an important story.
It's a story about a smart aleck boy
who wanted to show off an old man
and to make a fool out of an old man.
And the smart aleck boy had a plan
as to how he was going to make a fool out of the old man.
He'd found a bird out in the wilderness,
a little bird that he had in his hand.
And his plan was to go up to the old man
and say to the old man,
Old man, what do I have in my hand?
And the wise old man would say,
You have a bird, my son.
And then the smart aleck boy's plan was to say,
But wise old man,
is the bird alive or is it dead?
And if the old man said the bird is dead,
then the smart aleck boy would open his hands
and the bird would fly off free
into the forest and into the woods.
But if the old man said the bird is alive,
then the smart aleck boy figured that he would crush it
and crush it until all of the life was out of the bird
and it was dead.
He would open his hands and say,
See, wise old man,
the bird is dead.
and so the smart aleck boy went to the old man
and he said,
Old man, what do I have in my hands?
And the old man said,
You have a bird, my son.
He said,
Old man, is the bird alive or is it dead?
And the old man said,
The bird is in your hands, my son.
And so, ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
I give you
and place into your hands
the history
of this country
and the case
of Lee Harvey Oswald.
Thank you, Mr. Spence.