Name: Everybody Loves Norm
Uploaded: 2022-03-01T17:16:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everybody Loves Norm' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everybody Loves Norm' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-01. Transcript available.

Hey, Mr. Thornton, man, how did you come to be on that episode of Norm Macdonald
Live?
Had you met him before, or what the heck? How did that happen? How did it come
about?
Yeah, I've known Norm over the years. Sure, yeah. Nice guy.
He's my favorite comic, and you're one of my favorite actors.
I've got to tell you, Norm is hilarious. It's hard to beat Norm.
You did that big arena tour, didn't you?
I did the, me and Sandler and Spade, Schneider, Norm, Macdonald, and, uh...
How funny is Norm Macdonald?
Oh, he's amazing. Ah, what?
Who's the funniest out of that group?
Fuck. Like, like...
I don't know.
Can I speak from the outside? It's weird, because, like, one night it's him,
one night it's this thing,
but that's an all-star lineup right there, and, uh, Norm Macdonald is a funny
motherfucker, dude.
Yeah.
I just watch, I don't even, I don't watch comedy. I just watch clips of Norm
Macdonald.
Yeah, yeah.
That's all I like.
Yeah, I like Norm.
He's the best.
Yeah, Norm does it for me.
I haven't seen the show. I saw a couple episodes. It was pretty good.
I used to love that podcast.
It's the same thing, basically.
Yeah.
But there's a magic to that podcast, because it came out of nowhere.
Right.
You're just not expecting Norm to have a platform.
It's the best podcast ever.
That first season of the Norm Macdonald podcast was...
Yeah, it's the best podcast ever.
After, that's number one.
Comptown number two.
Rad Dudecast number three.
This is, uh, you may fucking, you may get annoyed at this, but there's one time
I was listening
to a bunch of old clips of Norm Macdonald, and Norm was talking about the Death
Squad.
Have you heard that?
He talks about me a lot.
It is so fucking funny.
But it's really, it's really strange.
It's like, why the fuck does Norm Macdonald...
Because he was like, Death Squad, it sounds like a fucking group of fist
fighters, not a comedy crew.
You're like, what?
He is so hilarious.
It's interesting.
Here's what it is, though, to me.
He did a Death Squad show also, so...
Well, he's talking shit because he likes it, right?
He likes to mock things.
You only mock things as a comedian that you enjoy.
Like, when we shit on each other, we joke around about each other's shit.
It's only because we fucking enjoy each other.
Otherwise, there's no way to really know if you get along with someone if you
can't joke around.
And I think he does that because he recognizes it.
But it's like, from a distance, someone could be like, dude, he hates those
guys.
It's like, the fact that he knows it is even more important.
To me, it's like, that's fucking incredible.
It's funny.
I had a show, I did a Death Squad show in Denver at the Comedy Works.
Such a good club.
He was there, like, the following day.
But he came early.
And he was just checking out the show.
And, you know, it was right before we were about to start.
And I'm like, he's like, hey, what's going on here?
And I'm like, hey, if you want to jump on the show, he's like, what is it?
He's like, it's a Death Squad show.
And he goes, what the?
You know?
But he used to do it when I first told him about it.
Death Squad.
That doesn't sound like a comedy crew.
He's so hilarious.
Yeah.
You know, no, I better not say that.
Say it.
Don't not say it.
Don't not say it.
The name of this episode is going to be Don't Not Say It.
Okay.
Come on.
One of the most funniest things about, this is so mean, but one of the funniest
things about
Norm is, like, he really helped me out with my hygiene, hair hygiene.
Yeah.
Because that night when I was, like, talking to him, I look over to him and he
had, like,
literally a black, like, spite.
Like, it looked like a bush.
Like a woman's 70s bush coming out of his ear, of ear hair.
He had a pussy ear.
And it freaked me out.
So that night I went home to one of those, like, hotel mirrors that's really
close up.
Right.
I look and I had, like, two of them.
I'm like, oh my God, no one told me about this.
And so now I've always wanted to, like, tell him.
Tell him that he was the inspiration.
You got, like, a quarter-sized bush.
Well, now I hope he sees this mirror.
Oh, God, I feel bad.
Yeah, the Death Squad guy says I got a lot of ear hair.
Fuck him.
But why don't you want somebody to tell you?
Yeah, no, honestly, dude, you probably, most of us probably want somebody to
tell us.
But for the most part, we're so embarrassed about these shortcomings that you're
like, please don't let me know about that fucking thing.
Yeah, so now I'm freaked out about that and nose hairs.
Oh, that's funny.
Who gives a fuck?
If a comedian can't take a joke about that shit, I mean, we're in deep shit.
Have you met Norm Macdonald before?
I got to work with Norm.
And I guess, I mean, I hope he doesn't mind if I tell him, because this is a
very endearing.
Oh, last comic standing.
No, I did the season before.
Okay.
But I got to work with him one week, and we...
What did you do?
Oh, man, I watched every single set he did, and it was so cool.
And we actually got...
You know what?
I already got into the story, so I got to tell...
Yeah, let's hear it.
Yeah, that was fine.
He wanted to get high.
Yeah.
And so I was like, okay, I don't really get high before shows, but afterwards,
cool.
And he's like, no, now.
Well, when Norm Macdonald says now...
Right.
You say yes.
Correct.
And he goes and hands me the joint, and I was like, ah, okay.
And then he hands it back for a second hit, and I was like, no, thanks.
And he goes, what's your problem?
And I go, well, I'm just worried I'm going to repeat a joke, and I still have
to go up and bring you up.
Because the opener was on, and I was hosting.
So I still have to go up there and bring you up.
And I just don't...
I already did some jokes earlier, and I just don't want to tell the same joke
again.
And he goes, that's insane.
You're an idiot.
Smoke this.
And so I smoked it, and then we go inside, and I'm so high, I go, I'm just
going to bring you up.
I'm not going to do any time.
I'm just going to bring you up.
And he's like, no, do a couple minutes.
And I go, no, please, just let me just bring you up.
And he goes, no, do five minutes.
This guy's doing really well.
Give me, you know, take a little, do a little timer between.
You need a little buffer between comments.
Right.
Right.
So I went up there, and I was so high, I was like, I don't even remember what I
said in the first half of my set.
So I'm just going to tell jokes that I haven't told in years.
And when I told a joke.
So you told the audience, you let the audience in on the fact that you had been.
No, the audience didn't know.
They didn't know.
So I would just tell.
Oh, okay.
So you just said that to yourself, I'm just going to do jokes I haven't done in
five years.
Yes.
And I walked on stage, and I would tell a joke, and then I would watch the
audience, and if they laughed, I would relax and go, okay, that one down.
And I did that, the whole set, it was horrible.
I was so stressed out.
And then I just said, ladies and gentlemen, Norm McDonald.
And I look over to my right, and there he is, walking the opposite way.
And the feature turned him around and pointed him to the stage.
Over here, Norm.
That's how high we got by accident.
By accident, like you tripped on a joint.
I love the peer pressure from Norm, though.
That's awesome.
It's like a high school, middle school, all over again.
And he's my hero.
So I just, you know, for me, I was a little worried about him.
But then he walked on stage, and he opened it up with this great bit, and he
was crushing.
Right.
He was destroying.
And then he got the light, and then he started to wrap it up, and he started to
tell the joke he opened with.
And I started to freak out.
Like, I just, I was like, oh, no.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
And the audience thought it was a joke.
Yeah.
They thought he was being Norm.
Sure.
And, but when he delivered the punchline, and it was the same punchline, they
realized he had just forgotten his joke.
And they didn't laugh.
They felt a little betrayed.
And he walked off stage in complete confusion.
That bit usually kills.
And then the feature goes, you told the same joke twice, you idiot.
And he goes, no.
And then he looks at me, and he goes, this is your fault.
And I never got to work with him again.
That was the last time I worked with Norm.
But you know what?
With Norm MacDonald, though, that's Norm.
He's so irreverent that that's.
You almost expect it.
He can do that.
Yeah.
And all this, that's a bit in itself.
I mean, look at the cauliflower joke he did on the roast with Bob Saget.
Yeah.
That bit, he purposely went up there on that roast and bombed on purpose.
Yeah.
And it was genius.
Yeah.
And have you heard that bit?
Watch Norm MacDonald roast.
Who was he roasting?
It was Bob Saget.
Bob Saget.
Your head looks like a cauliflower.
Or something like that.
I'm not going to do the bit, but yeah, go back and forth.
I'm sounding fake.
Prince and chalice is for better anyway.
Anyway.
Am I just being too bad?
Your favorite guests are always like the Bill Burr, Norm MacDonald,
this might go off the rails really fast.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, Norm MacDonald, one of the great talk show guests of all time.
I mean, he invented something that, no, Norm MacDonald invented this amazing
thing that
I've never seen anybody do before or since.
It's kind of like he split the atom.
It was that revolutionary.
Norm would come on and he would, instead of telling you a real story, like if I
had you
on the show and you're like, hey, Bill, you know, tell me, well, you know, and
remember
I was living in Chestnut Hill once and you would tell a real story about what
happened
to you in your life, Norm tells old jokes as stories that happened to him.
Yeah.
So I'd be like, Norm, what are you up to?
And I mean, really old jokes from like the 1920s.
And he'd be like, well, Conan, I don't know if you're aware that I purchased a
farm, Conan.
I'd be like, really, you purchased a farm?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I purchased a farm.
Of course, I have, of course, I have three daughters.
And I'm like, you have three daughters?
Yeah, I have three daughters on the farm.
One very attractive, one not as attractive.
And of course, the third, not, you know, kind of, well, she's ugly, Conan.
She's ugly.
And I'd be like, uh-huh.
Well, one day, this traveling salesman comes to the farm and he says, now, Norm,
I'll tell you.
I'll tell you.
And then it's like he's telling an old traveling salesman joke.
Yeah.
And it's-
But you know about halfway through where it's going.
No, I mean, I usually know, I know kind of what he's doing.
I'm laughing that he has the balls to do this.
I'm laughing at the audacity.
So, I don't even care if this joke lands or not.
I'm laughing that he's committing to the fact that, you know, no, he doesn't
have a farm.
He doesn't have three daughters.
There's no traveling salesman.
But he doesn't care in a way that is exhilarating and scary at the same time.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
And plus, he probably has some people in the audience who are taking it
completely seriously, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
He's got some people thinking-
We call them tourists.
Yes.
We call them-
They're usually from San Bernardino.
Well, Norm had the greatest talk show moment in the history of talk shows with
Courtney Thorne Smith.
That was epic.
That was so great.
And it's funny because-
It's lived on.
Who knew that we were going to have YouTube eventually where we could just
queue it up on command?
God bless YouTube.
I had no idea.
When those things were happening, I thought, we're talking 1993, 94.
When those things were happening, I thought, you know, what did I know?
I just thought if you were up and you saw it, that means you saw an amazing
thing happen.
And then maybe if I get to stay on the air long enough, we'll have a one-year
anniversary show and maybe you'll see it then.
But if you're not there for that, it's gone.
And now I meet people, I mean, that around the world that will say, oh, I just
saw that thing with you and Norm and Courtney Thorne Smith.
And I'll think that was a moment of my life when I was 30.
Yeah.
And I'm like 85 now.
Like, how is that possible?

Everybody Loves Norm

Hey, Mr. Thornton, man, how did you come to be on that episode of Norm Macdonald
Live?
Had you met him before, or what the heck? How did that happen? How did it come
about?
Yeah, I've known Norm over the years. Sure, yeah. Nice guy.
He's my favorite comic, and you're one of my favorite actors.
I've got to tell you, Norm is hilarious. It's hard to beat Norm.
You did that big arena tour, didn't you?
I did the, me and Sandler and Spade, Schneider, Norm, Macdonald, and, uh...
How funny is Norm Macdonald?
Oh, he's amazing. Ah, what?
Who's the funniest out of that group?
Fuck. Like, like...
I don't know.
Can I speak from the outside? It's weird, because, like, one night it's him,
one night it's this thing,
but that's an all-star lineup right there, and, uh, Norm Macdonald is a funny
motherfucker, dude.
Yeah.
I just watch, I don't even, I don't watch comedy. I just watch clips of Norm
Macdonald.
Yeah, yeah.
That's all I like.
Yeah, I like Norm.
He's the best.
Yeah, Norm does it for me.
I haven't seen the show. I saw a couple episodes. It was pretty good.
I used to love that podcast.
It's the same thing, basically.
Yeah.
But there's a magic to that podcast, because it came out of nowhere.
Right.
You're just not expecting Norm to have a platform.
It's the best podcast ever.
That first season of the Norm Macdonald podcast was...
Yeah, it's the best podcast ever.
After, that's number one.
Comptown number two.
Rad Dudecast number three.
This is, uh, you may fucking, you may get annoyed at this, but there's one time
I was listening
to a bunch of old clips of Norm Macdonald, and Norm was talking about the Death
Squad.
Have you heard that?
He talks about me a lot.
It is so fucking funny.
But it's really, it's really strange.
It's like, why the fuck does Norm Macdonald...
Because he was like, Death Squad, it sounds like a fucking group of fist
fighters, not a comedy crew.
You're like, what?
He is so hilarious.
It's interesting.
Here's what it is, though, to me.
He did a Death Squad show also, so...
Well, he's talking shit because he likes it, right?
He likes to mock things.
You only mock things as a comedian that you enjoy.
Like, when we shit on each other, we joke around about each other's shit.
It's only because we fucking enjoy each other.
Otherwise, there's no way to really know if you get along with someone if you
can't joke around.
And I think he does that because he recognizes it.
But it's like, from a distance, someone could be like, dude, he hates those
guys.
It's like, the fact that he knows it is even more important.
To me, it's like, that's fucking incredible.
It's funny.
I had a show, I did a Death Squad show in Denver at the Comedy Works.
Such a good club.
He was there, like, the following day.
But he came early.
And he was just checking out the show.
And, you know, it was right before we were about to start.
And I'm like, he's like, hey, what's going on here?
And I'm like, hey, if you want to jump on the show, he's like, what is it?
He's like, it's a Death Squad show.
And he goes, what the?
You know?
But he used to do it when I first told him about it.
Death Squad.
That doesn't sound like a comedy crew.
He's so hilarious.
Yeah.
You know, no, I better not say that.
Say it.
Don't not say it.
Don't not say it.
The name of this episode is going to be Don't Not Say It.
Okay.
Come on.
One of the most funniest things about, this is so mean, but one of the funniest
things about
Norm is, like, he really helped me out with my hygiene, hair hygiene.
Yeah.
Because that night when I was, like, talking to him, I look over to him and he
had, like,
literally a black, like, spite.
Like, it looked like a bush.
Like a woman's 70s bush coming out of his ear, of ear hair.
He had a pussy ear.
And it freaked me out.
So that night I went home to one of those, like, hotel mirrors that's really
close up.
Right.
I look and I had, like, two of them.
I'm like, oh my God, no one told me about this.
And so now I've always wanted to, like, tell him.
Tell him that he was the inspiration.
You got, like, a quarter-sized bush.
Well, now I hope he sees this mirror.
Oh, God, I feel bad.
Yeah, the Death Squad guy says I got a lot of ear hair.
Fuck him.
But why don't you want somebody to tell you?
Yeah, no, honestly, dude, you probably, most of us probably want somebody to
tell us.
But for the most part, we're so embarrassed about these shortcomings that you're
like, please don't let me know about that fucking thing.
Yeah, so now I'm freaked out about that and nose hairs.
Oh, that's funny.
Who gives a fuck?
If a comedian can't take a joke about that shit, I mean, we're in deep shit.
Have you met Norm Macdonald before?
I got to work with Norm.
And I guess, I mean, I hope he doesn't mind if I tell him, because this is a
very endearing.
Oh, last comic standing.
No, I did the season before.
Okay.
But I got to work with him one week, and we...
What did you do?
Oh, man, I watched every single set he did, and it was so cool.
And we actually got...
You know what?
I already got into the story, so I got to tell...
Yeah, let's hear it.
Yeah, that was fine.
He wanted to get high.
Yeah.
And so I was like, okay, I don't really get high before shows, but afterwards,
cool.
And he's like, no, now.
Well, when Norm Macdonald says now...
Right.
You say yes.
Correct.
And he goes and hands me the joint, and I was like, ah, okay.
And then he hands it back for a second hit, and I was like, no, thanks.
And he goes, what's your problem?
And I go, well, I'm just worried I'm going to repeat a joke, and I still have
to go up and bring you up.
Because the opener was on, and I was hosting.
So I still have to go up there and bring you up.
And I just don't...
I already did some jokes earlier, and I just don't want to tell the same joke
again.
And he goes, that's insane.
You're an idiot.
Smoke this.
And so I smoked it, and then we go inside, and I'm so high, I go, I'm just
going to bring you up.
I'm not going to do any time.
I'm just going to bring you up.
And he's like, no, do a couple minutes.
And I go, no, please, just let me just bring you up.
And he goes, no, do five minutes.
This guy's doing really well.
Give me, you know, take a little, do a little timer between.
You need a little buffer between comments.
Right.
Right.
So I went up there, and I was so high, I was like, I don't even remember what I
said in the first half of my set.
So I'm just going to tell jokes that I haven't told in years.
And when I told a joke.
So you told the audience, you let the audience in on the fact that you had been.
No, the audience didn't know.
They didn't know.
So I would just tell.
Oh, okay.
So you just said that to yourself, I'm just going to do jokes I haven't done in
five years.
Yes.
And I walked on stage, and I would tell a joke, and then I would watch the
audience, and if they laughed, I would relax and go, okay, that one down.
And I did that, the whole set, it was horrible.
I was so stressed out.
And then I just said, ladies and gentlemen, Norm McDonald.
And I look over to my right, and there he is, walking the opposite way.
And the feature turned him around and pointed him to the stage.
Over here, Norm.
That's how high we got by accident.
By accident, like you tripped on a joint.
I love the peer pressure from Norm, though.
That's awesome.
It's like a high school, middle school, all over again.
And he's my hero.
So I just, you know, for me, I was a little worried about him.
But then he walked on stage, and he opened it up with this great bit, and he
was crushing.
Right.
He was destroying.
And then he got the light, and then he started to wrap it up, and he started to
tell the joke he opened with.
And I started to freak out.
Like, I just, I was like, oh, no.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
And the audience thought it was a joke.
Yeah.
They thought he was being Norm.
Sure.
And, but when he delivered the punchline, and it was the same punchline, they
realized he had just forgotten his joke.
And they didn't laugh.
They felt a little betrayed.
And he walked off stage in complete confusion.
That bit usually kills.
And then the feature goes, you told the same joke twice, you idiot.
And he goes, no.
And then he looks at me, and he goes, this is your fault.
And I never got to work with him again.
That was the last time I worked with Norm.
But you know what?
With Norm MacDonald, though, that's Norm.
He's so irreverent that that's.
You almost expect it.
He can do that.
Yeah.
And all this, that's a bit in itself.
I mean, look at the cauliflower joke he did on the roast with Bob Saget.
Yeah.
That bit, he purposely went up there on that roast and bombed on purpose.
Yeah.
And it was genius.
Yeah.
And have you heard that bit?
Watch Norm MacDonald roast.
Who was he roasting?
It was Bob Saget.
Bob Saget.
Your head looks like a cauliflower.
Or something like that.
I'm not going to do the bit, but yeah, go back and forth.
I'm sounding fake.
Prince and chalice is for better anyway.
Anyway.
Am I just being too bad?
Your favorite guests are always like the Bill Burr, Norm MacDonald,
this might go off the rails really fast.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, Norm MacDonald, one of the great talk show guests of all time.
I mean, he invented something that, no, Norm MacDonald invented this amazing
thing that
I've never seen anybody do before or since.
It's kind of like he split the atom.
It was that revolutionary.
Norm would come on and he would, instead of telling you a real story, like if I
had you
on the show and you're like, hey, Bill, you know, tell me, well, you know, and
remember
I was living in Chestnut Hill once and you would tell a real story about what
happened
to you in your life, Norm tells old jokes as stories that happened to him.
Yeah.
So I'd be like, Norm, what are you up to?
And I mean, really old jokes from like the 1920s.
And he'd be like, well, Conan, I don't know if you're aware that I purchased a
farm, Conan.
I'd be like, really, you purchased a farm?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I purchased a farm.
Of course, I have, of course, I have three daughters.
And I'm like, you have three daughters?
Yeah, I have three daughters on the farm.
One very attractive, one not as attractive.
And of course, the third, not, you know, kind of, well, she's ugly, Conan.
She's ugly.
And I'd be like, uh-huh.
Well, one day, this traveling salesman comes to the farm and he says, now, Norm,
I'll tell you.
I'll tell you.
And then it's like he's telling an old traveling salesman joke.
Yeah.
And it's-
But you know about halfway through where it's going.
No, I mean, I usually know, I know kind of what he's doing.
I'm laughing that he has the balls to do this.
I'm laughing at the audacity.
So, I don't even care if this joke lands or not.
I'm laughing that he's committing to the fact that, you know, no, he doesn't
have a farm.
He doesn't have three daughters.
There's no traveling salesman.
But he doesn't care in a way that is exhilarating and scary at the same time.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
And plus, he probably has some people in the audience who are taking it
completely seriously, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
He's got some people thinking-
We call them tourists.
Yes.
We call them-
They're usually from San Bernardino.
Well, Norm had the greatest talk show moment in the history of talk shows with
Courtney Thorne Smith.
That was epic.
That was so great.
And it's funny because-
It's lived on.
Who knew that we were going to have YouTube eventually where we could just
queue it up on command?
God bless YouTube.
I had no idea.
When those things were happening, I thought, we're talking 1993, 94.
When those things were happening, I thought, you know, what did I know?
I just thought if you were up and you saw it, that means you saw an amazing
thing happen.
And then maybe if I get to stay on the air long enough, we'll have a one-year
anniversary show and maybe you'll see it then.
But if you're not there for that, it's gone.
And now I meet people, I mean, that around the world that will say, oh, I just
saw that thing with you and Norm and C