Name: Happy Mother's Day Norm Macdonald's Mom
Uploaded: 2022-05-09T16:31:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Happy Mother's Day Norm Macdonald's Mom' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Happy Mother's Day Norm Macdonald's Mom' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-09. Transcript available.

Well, another Thanksgiving has come and gone, and I thought it would be a good
idea this year for me and my mother to say what we were thankful for. This is
my mother, Fern. Now, we've written them down on index cards, what we're most
thankful for. Should I begin?
You can just fart.
I am thankful for the opportunity to do stand-up comedy for a living. Why,
there is nothing more gratifying than to step out on a stage before a quiet
crowd and, through my comedy, turn them into an unruly mob.
I am thankful for the brave man who pulled me from a burning building last week
and sadly perished. In the process, I'll never forget him. I don't remember his
name, but I think he had a mustache.
I am thankful for women, the greatest creatures on earth, because without women,
there would be no cookies.
I am thankful for the kindly ladies who live across the country and leave pies
on their windowsills so an old chunk of coal, like me, have a bite to eat from
time to time.
I am thankful for all of my grandchildren. I am thankful for all of my
grandchildren. Especially the ones I like.
I am thankful for all of my grandchildren. I am thankful for the fine young men
and women of the LAPD, along with the Burbank Police Department, who took a lot
of money, who took a lot of money.
I am thankful for all of my grandchildren. I am thankful for all of my
grandchildren, especially the ones I like.
I am thankful for the fine young men and women of the LAPD, along with the Burbank
Police Department, who joined forces this year, and finally solved the baffling
murder of Bob Hope.
And finally, I am thankful for friends, without which it would be a cold and
dark place.
Yes, friends especially like ones where Joey gets Chandler a duck.
The end.
I hope everybody had a really happy Thanksgiving.
The last one.
The last one.
Okay.
I went to the doctor the other day, and he told me, "You are what you eat."
So I ate a bowl of Count Chocula.
I went home and became a Dracula.
Oh, good lord.
That was excellent, Kevin.
Excellent.
That's enough nonsense for one day.
I'll write it all down and hold it out here.
Look at hell if somebody, and that's what I need.
If you're going to do all these, I need a person with a, what do they call them?
A cue card.
A what?
A cue card.
A cue card.
A cue card.
That's it.
I need somebody with cue cards.
Don't you think?
I think it's a little early to be a diva.
Oh, I think it's too late to be a diva.
Have fun.