Name: "I Prefer the Indian Casinos" - Norm Macdonald
Uploaded: 2022-05-31T15:43:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"I Prefer the Indian Casinos" - Norm Macdonald' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"I Prefer the Indian Casinos" - Norm Macdonald' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-31. Transcript available.

-I prefer the Indian casinos.
That's what I like, you know?
Because I don't want to give my money.
If I'm gonna lose money, and I'm gonna lose money,
I don't want to do it in Las Vegas
to a bunch of corporate businessmen.
I would rather go to an Indian casino
and lose it to the Native Americans, you know?
On account of my forefathers
systematically murdered them years ago.
Which, looking back on it, way out of the line.
Way out of the line.
Anyways, I look at it as a form of reparations, you know?
And I tell you, I've done my part, goddammit.
Probably done your part, too.
Anyways, I love the casino.
-Melissa McCarthy is Norm Macdonald.
-Thank you.
Thank you, but I'm sorry.
I cannot, in good conscience, accept this award
on behalf of Melissa McCarthy.
I, instead, have chosen to give my time to a friend
who has something very important to say.
-My name is Johnny Two Feathers.
While you enjoy tonight's show,
I want you to think about something.
The spot where you're sitting,
every square foot of ground in this country
was stolen from my ancestors.
And after you stole it, you murdered them.
-So, you'll forgive us if we do not laugh alone.
There's nothing funny about the extermination of a people.
The theater stinks of blood.
That's all I have to say, both.
-Johnny Two Feathers, everybody.
Johnny Two Feathers, give him a wave, Johnny.
I'm telling you, you don't have to wave, all right.
Well, Johnny Two Feathers, everybody.
-Probably just, like, masturbating in a dark room.
-Angry over the Atlanta Braves and Cleveland Indians'
use of Indian caricatures as logos,
Native Americans showed up at the World Series tonight.
They chanted for hours to protest Indian stereotypes,
though it didn't help their cause any
when it started to rain.
Native Americans in upstate New York
are trying to block plans to build a Kmart
on the site of a Mohican burial ground.
In addition, they were upset to learn that sales
at this particular Kmart will be announced,
"Attention, Kmart Savages!"
in Michigan, state historical commission officials
say they will not interfere with the building
of a new major sports stadium,
even if construction unearths historical artifacts.
However, state Indian affair officials say
that if relics from a Native American tribe are found,
they would like to have the land set aside
and designated as a sacred tribal burial ground
slash giant casino.
In Wisconsin, students of Menomonee High School
are desperately fighting efforts by the politically correct
to change their team nickname, "The Indians."
Already, opponents of the name have rejected
the students' first compromise, "The Drunken Indians."
They feel that's almost worse in a way, you know?
In Bridgeport, Connecticut, the Staticote Indian tribe
is seeking recognition by the Bureau of Indian Affairs
in order to open either a manufacturing company
or a casino.
Hmm, I wonder which one they'll choose.
Manufacturing company or the casino.
In Norwich, Connecticut, a local museum has made a long-overdue effort
at racial reconciliation by returning 21 ancient tribal artifacts
to the Mohegan Indians.
But as for everything else in the country,
we'll be keeping that.
It's good news, really.
We don't have to give any of it that.
It's like the difference between the Cleveland Indians
and the Washington Redskins.
I can see where Redskin might upset somebody just a little.
Well, I don't think you're ever going to get a change,
but at least it is a bit denigrating.
But Indians, isn't it?
I never understand that.
Oh, you don't understand that?
No.
Well, here's the thing, man.
Or Braves.
I have no formal education, and as a matter of fact,
I don't have any informal education.
It's not like I'm hanging out with professors on a weekend, right?
Yes.
But this is the way I understand it.
Chris, old Chris Columbus, he sailed over here,
and then he got here, and he thought it was India.
Jesus, what an adult.
That's the source of us all.
Yeah, so he goes,
Hey, man, look at all those Indians.
All right.
Oh, that's it.
And then one of his buddies goes,
Hey, man, we took a wrong turn in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
This is America.
And then he goes,
Hey, you Indians better get the hell out of here.
You're not even in the right country.
Well, once you're about to take a country from somebody,
you cannot refer to them as Native Americans.
It only makes your task harder.
They will fight harder because you've already told them
you assume that it is their property.
But my feeling is at some point there were an ice people,
a horde of, you know, almost piltdown men-like creatures
who the Indians or whatever the Native Americans came in
and took this from.
Isn't that the way of the world, Norm,
that eventually everybody takes something?
What's a piltdown, man?
You talking about the old days?
I'm sorry to throw you off the scent of the conversation.
I'm talking about in Paleolithic times.
I assume that the Native Americans were not Native here either,
but came down and took this from somebody else.
That's just the way of the world.
Yeah, everybody takes everything.
Mother Nature is a brutal bitch.
A red clod, you know.
Paint the picture.
A airing machine that eats and...
Shrinking Herodin.
Yeah.
So, Jenny, what month was your issue?
Stop quoting Churchill.
May of '08.
It was on the cover.
Do you remember?
It was a Russian girl.
Uh-oh.
And my nickname's Genocide,
so I think that was kind of funny.
What?
What?
What?
What?
What do you mean?
Is Genocide giving her comedy, if we're going to do it?
No.
Why is that?
It's funny, because there was a genocide.
In Russia?
Only about 70 years ago.
Against the Russian people.
Who still wins?
Me.
That's not a genocide.
That's not a genocide.
Your purse.
Your checkered back.
No, it's not a genocide.
It wasn't a complete genocide.
What was, what do you mean?
No, it was, it was...
Well, Stalin was a mass, Stalin was a mass murderer.
Only, all right, only Jewish people seem to get really offended by my nickname.
There are fives and a k.
Dave's getting four.
Right.
Because they're the only ones that look to a genocide.
Well, the only true genocide was the...
Wow.
So, I want to say another, another one.
That was a true genocide.
Wow.
What?
The American Indians was a true genocide.
No.
That was for land.
And...
No, that was justified.
That was for land.
We were taking their property.
No, the...
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter what the motive is.
No, the genocide...
Yeah, the motive is to just hatred of a race to exterminate them.
It was just...
Without a political or economic agenda.
It was justifiable genocide?
Well, it's not justifiable.
No, well, it's...
Who's saying it's justified?
I said...
Well, it's just...
We've got to marry them.
I'm just...
Wondering how...
Just one counterpoint...
You've never heard...
You've never heard the legal term justifiable genocide?
Hitler was out of his mind at the time.
Clearly insanity.