Name: Norm Macdonald's Best Friend
Uploaded: 2022-07-07T20:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald's Best Friend' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald's Best Friend' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-07. Transcript available.

I think I heard Matthew Perry once in an interview, I think he basically said
he invented sarcasm.
I think he said that.
Norm was on Saturday Night Live.
Norm tells the best fucking stories about some of those celebrities that went
through there.
And Matthew Perry had an assistant and said, you know, Matt, he said to Norm,
Matt wants to do a sketch that he wants you to be in where he talks like he
does on Friends.
He calls it Matt-speak.
And Norm said, what are you talking about?
He goes, well, you know, he invented a way of talking, the way he talks on
Friends.
Matt-speak.
And he showed him a clip.
And Norm said, are you talking about sarcasm?
Matthew Perry called sarcasm.
He renamed it Matt-speak.
Hilarious.
And Norm goes, are you talking about sarcasm?
What about the black odd couple?
They should have just said to him, oh, that was really good.
I think somebody, one of the younger writers said, I think Matthew Perry is a
genius.
I think that's what it was.
And Norm said, is he good at math?
Or something?
Harvey Weinstein was holding court.
He was talking about, he had seen that scene of alternative comedy.
And he had seen somebody that everybody, you know, was kind of, at that moment
was the king
of that.
That's all.
And, you know, Harvey Weinstein, I've been, like, seen him at work.
He's a very, like, obnoxious.
Like, he just yells shit out that he, you know, he thinks is brilliant, like
Stephen Wright jokes or something.
Right.
You know, you can't have everything.
Where would you put it?
So he goes, he says this guy's name.
And Norm's sitting there.
He's on the ground with Lorne and everybody.
And Harvey Weinstein says this person's name and goes, I think Stephen is a
genius.
And then he looks at Norm and goes, Norm, what do you think?
And Norm goes, is he good at math or something?
All right, Artie, first things first, you and Chris Farley on the Dirty Work
set.
Oh, wow.
Dirty Work was his last movie, Farley.
Right.
And in between shooting Dirty Work and dying, he did Saturday Night Live.
He hosted it.
So Norm said he's out of control.
You've got to come to the after party to help me watch him.
That's how out of control he was.
I was asked to watch him.
Norm MacDonald and Artie Langer on the, our babysitter.
Exactly.
Right.
So Norm leaves for a couple of minutes and I see Chris disappear into a
bathroom with Andy Dick.
True story.
Five minutes he's in there.
He comes out giggling.
Norm comes back and goes, what's going on?
I go, bad news, man.
He went into a bathroom with Andy Dick for five minutes.
And, you know, there's only two reasons a guy goes into a bathroom with Andy
Dick.
And neither one is good.
And without missing a beat, Norm said, holy fuck, I hope he's high.
So good news, he was high.
Speaking of Norm.
Oh, there he is.
You and Norm.
Yeah, well, there's a few guys I can point to who helped, took a chance on me
when I was
either going to go to the joint or rehab.
And it was Norm, Howard, and Quincy Jones who did me at TV.
We did a buddy comedy together.
We met at the audition.
I got terrible reviews when it came out.
My hometown paper said Artie Langer has all the charm of a date rapist.
True story.
That's what the guy said in the review.
So Norm said to me, hey, man, that's fucking great.
A date rapist has to have way more charm than a regular rapist.
He does things that are so ballsy.
It takes a lot of risks and it makes him fun, but also makes him very dangerous.
One more for you, Artie.
There you go.
There's no one better to talk to about show business than Norm because he's
brutally honest
about it.
Like, I'll try to tell the story quick.
Go ahead.
When Norm had his last sitcom on Fox, he invited me to go to the upfronts with
him.
You know that big thing where he introduced the shows to the advertisers?
So the head of Fox's guy, Sandy Gruchow, right out of Beverly Hills High, like
permanent tan, permanent
fake smile on his face.
Right.
The head of Fox goes up to Norm and it's Norm and Jason Bateman whose show had
premiered
and all these Fox people.
Goes up to Norm and says, right in front of me and a bunch of people, goes,
Norm, I want
to let you know that your show is the highest tested show we've had in Fox
history.
And Norm goes, wow, man, that's unbelievable, wow.
And then Gruchow leaves and goes to talk to Jason Bateman.
So this other executive of Fox, this woman, Tracy, something comes over and
goes, where's
Sandy?
He was just here.
And Norm goes, he's over there telling Bateman that his show is the highest
tested show in
the history of Fox.
See, that's what I'm telling you.
Norm gets it.
Another great quick Norm story.
Great quick Norm story.
Get it, Artie.
Well, Jim will appreciate it.
They do a big Rolling Stone article about the Kansas City.
That was a great one, man.
Wait, wait, wait, what did you do?
They do a big Rolling Stone article about the Kansas City.
I got a good one.
So the cast of Saturday Night Live.
Right, yeah.
And it's everybody kissing each other's ass.
So they ask Norm about Chris Kattan.
And it's after pages of, I've never seen someone do better character work.
Norm's quote is, he seems gay to me.
He goes, I've never met a guy who said he wasn't gay who seems so gay.
But I guess he says he's not gay, so whatever.
Oh, I love that.
You want to hear it?
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
You go.
We're on SNL one time, right?
This is what Norm just didn't care about anyone.
Just a quick story.
Pamela Anderson is on it.
And every time a hot chick would come on, Kattan would go over the top.
And they're like, oh my God.
He'd write a sketch.
We're going to make out.
She's hot.
She's with Tommy Lee hammer back off.
Yeah, right.
Come on.
So he writes a sketch and they do this sketch where it's the Twilight Zone when
everyone's
in pig face or something.
Right, right, right.
So that's the goof.
So me, Kattan, we're all in it.
And Norm is the guy who's got to go, imagine if you will.
And Norm doesn't read sketches.
He's a pro.
So he would rehearse it and go, hey, imagine if you will, and second time, and
Kattan, Kattan
would go, my God, you don't even sound like him.
Why would you do that?
And I would stand and go, Norm, you're going to hit him back?
Like, what's, you're going to say something to him?
You're just going to take that from this guy?
Now we go to a dress show, which has audience and it's being filmed.
And again, he starts punking into Norm on the set.
He's going, oh my God, Norm, you're going to do it right?
It's my only sketch.
You don't sound like Rod Serling.
Hey, imagine a 10, 9, and we're on.
Hey, imagine if you will.
He knew the deal.
Now we go to air and Norm still hasn't said nothing.
Every time Kattan would say something to him, I'd look at Norm like, hey man,
you're my hero.
What's up?
Because if you're not going to say something, I will.
And sure enough, you know, he'd give me like a wink.
I swear to you, he'd give me a wink.
I'm like, I don't know what's going on.
Live air comes on.
And like, 20 seconds to the Twilight Zone sketch.
He starts off again.
Where Mike, the whole audience is listening.
He's like, I can't, Kattan.
Norm, you've had a salad.
Oh God, Pamela, you're so hot.
Norm, you're going to, Pamela, I can't wait if you ever get rid of it.
10 seconds.
Norm turns to Kattan.
Right before I say it, he goes, hey, Pamela, did Chris tell you he's gay yet?
And he's got all this rage because he likes being gay.
Why don't you just say you're gay and you wouldn't have all this anger and be a
pester?
Five seconds.
And you wouldn't have all this rage and try to interrupt everyone's sketch
because you suck this week.
And we're on.
Imagine if you will.
I'm like, there's my hero.
There's my hero.
See, he knew to save it for the live air.
He saved it.
He saved it.
Nice, and Kattan sank.
He sank.
I couldn't even get my words out.