Name: Anti Comedy of Andy Kaufman and Norm Macdonald
Uploaded: 2022-07-14T16:56:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anti Comedy of Andy Kaufman and Norm Macdonald' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anti Comedy of Andy Kaufman and Norm Macdonald' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-14. Transcript available.

He's got a little Andy Kaufman in him, Norm.
He likes to frustrate, titillate a little.
But then periodically, he'll say something like,
you know, I feel sorry for the homeless guy's dog.
Because, you know, the dog's thinking,
this is the longest walk I've ever been on.
I give a guy some money out there, a homeless guy in the street,
and this is the kind of odd thing.
He had a dog with him.
You ever see this?
He's a homeless guy, but he's got a dog.
And that's kind of odd there.
A guy's got no home, you know, but he's got a dog.
And the dog's really thrilled with this idea, you know.
Dog's going, hey, pal, I can do this by myself very well here, you know.
The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
What the hell can I do?
What the deuce.
One time we were in the office doing update stuff,
and there had been a news item about there was going to be a newspaper for the
homeless,
you know, and so we were thinking about doing some of that.
So we started improvising.
It was more of a scene, not something we could do on a segment,
but it was like a tough kind of Perry White kind of editor going like,
you, Miller, I want 500 words on going to the bathroom in your pants.
You, you know, give me something, give me a human interest thing on here in
state matters.
You, you know, that kind of thing.
I had like a lot of, like, photos, maybe some, you know, a little human side,
you know.
What are, you know, pets, that kind of thing.
And so nothing came of it, and I sort of forgot we had the conversation.
And then the first meeting we have after the summer, Norm comes to you and goes,
Hey, hey, darling, remember that, you know, that thing we were talking about
there with the,
remember that thing with the newspaper for the homeless, you know, that thing,
the homeless newspaper?
I go, yeah, yeah.
He goes, yeah, well, you know, I was out in L.A., and I was asked to do this
benefit, you know,
for the coalition to feed the homeless, you know, and, you know, and I'm going,
no, no, no, no.
And he goes, yeah, you know, I did that bit, you know.
They hated it.
They hated it.
All right, you tell me now.
That's part of the, that's the Andy Kaufman part of the joke, or is he actually
surprised that they hated it?
That's what I can't quite figure it would look like.
I know.
Jim, he calls in here periodically and says that he has bought a puppet, and he
wants to work material out on the show,
and I'll say, well, tell me about the puppet, and it's an old man puppet who's
a Holocaust denier,
and it's obviously just Norm sitting at home talking as Norm.
He makes no pretension to a puppet voice.
I know.
And I think he, he's, he's Andy, I don't know, I view a lot of Andy Kaufman in
there.
I heard it, Norm.
Yeah, here's, there you go, Norm.
You got to, how would it take about a night monkey?
All right, hold on a second.
Go ahead, Norm.
I don't know, I'm terrible at telling jokes, but a guy, he gets a genie or
something that gives you wishes and a lamp, right?
Yes.
Right?
Yeah.
And so he's like, oh, no, no, no, that's not it.
No, he goes to his, his whole head is a giant pumpkin.
That's how the joke starts.
It's like a giant pumpkin, and then his friend goes, what happened?
He's like, I found this genie in a lamp, and he gave me three wishes.
And he's like, what happened?
He goes, well, the first wish, I wished for like a hundred million dollars, and
I got it.
And then for my second wish, I wished for like a beautiful lady, and I got her.
And the guy's like, yeah, but what happened?
He's like, the third wish, that's where I really blew him.
And the guy goes, what happened?
He goes, I wish for a giant pumpkin head.
You guys got it.
Really, put a CD out together.
You know what I really hate?
You know what I really hate?
If you go anywhere with him, like for a couple of days, he does that on purpose.
He'll tell jokes with no ending on purpose.
I don't think you need one.
Sometimes you can tell a joke like that.
He'll listen for a while, and then that happens.
You don't need to have a joke.
But, you know, I would like to tell you the story of the three people who was
carrying the biggest cannon in the world to Spain.
It was two boys and one girl.
And they had this big cannon, you know, it was 50 feet long.
And they carried it over the mountains and under the valleys.
And one day, one day they get to the top of the highest mountain in Spain.
So the first boy, he pointed this cannon to this castle, you know, to shoot,
you know, because, you know, because he was the boss, you know, so he went to
point it.
And he turned to the second boy, and he turned to the second boy, and he said,
all right, hand me the cannonball.
And, you know, but the second boy, he said, I thought you had them.
So wait, wait, wait, wait, so listen, listen, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So, listen, wait.
So, so they both, they both turned to the girl, and she say, don't look at me.
You know, you know, because they forgot to bring the cannonball.
You know, they have the cannon, but they have no cannonball.
They could not shoot.
Do you understand?
Thank you very much.
These broken pieces I hold in my hands
Don't have a chance to mend at all
Before they get thrown into chaos again
I try to pretend I'm whole enough
To stand in this house while I say
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You didn't have to do that.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I think you were wrong.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
What that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
I don't know what that guy's talking about.
She's great. She's great.
You feel stupid.
I feel very stupid.
You feel stupid.
I feel...
Now let's have some red.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
I feel stupid.
You feel stupid.
I feel very stupid.
No, because where are you going?
I don't know. I think I'm going to...
I feel stupid.
Come on, nothing. Hey, this is fun. It's all in fun. Come on. All right. It's
all in fun. What are you trying to do? This is all, uh, it's all in fun. Come
on. Where are we now?
What? Cut it out. Cut it out. So you cut it out. Why do you have to push this
in my face? Why do you have to push this in my face? I'll put it all in your
face. This is why I'm being seen in the show. That's why. Why? So what do you
have to do? Come on. Look, I'm just trying to help everybody. Everyone's so uptight
around here. Everyone's so uptight around here. I don't understand. Bobby, go
to commercial, man. What? I don't know. Why do you have to be so tight? What?
Come on, man. Hold on.
Come on, man. Help. Come on, man.