Name: Norm MacDonald Praising People After Shitting on Them
Uploaded: 2022-07-18T03:48:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm MacDonald Praising People After Shitting on Them' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm MacDonald Praising People After Shitting on Them' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-18. Transcript available.

They said that this guy, Don Ohlmeyer, turns out to be the president.
Yeah, now I know Don Ohlmeyer, and just between you and me, he's an idiot.
Oh!
Yeah, I'm firing you there from the show.
And then I said, oh, that's not good.
And then I said, why is that now?
And he goes, oh, you're not, you know, you're not funny.
And then I said, I said, holy lord, that's even worse news, you know?
He goes, no, I don't got nothing to fall back on.
He's a good man.
He just fired you.
What do you mean he's a good, what is wrong with you?
There's too much cock talk.
This guy has fevered nightmares all night.
Dreams, I mean, like sweaty, fevered dreams.
From the cock talk that's been all over his head.
Cock, cock, cock.
Why bury me twice?
He's killing me.
No, he's a good man.
That erased it, all right.
No, he's a good man.
Who cares?
After all that, that's the whiteout he puts on.
I know, it's awesome.
After he talks about you doing chin-ups on cock for 18 minutes, he says, no, he's
a good guy.
I'll put it in sports terms, why you got fired.
You were fucking with O.J. too much.
That's exactly why you were fired, man.
Well, I don't know about that.
That's his buddy.
Yeah, that's his buddy.
Yeah, well, that's why you got canned.
O.J.'s a good guy.
I mean, he's not.
Well, we got to end on that, Marmee, but there's what they'll remember you by.
Hey, congratulations, man.
O.J.'s a good guy.
Thanks for coming.
I swear to God, though, you sit on a couch for the living.
You should think about not giving that up.
That's a great job.
That's a great job.
You sit on a couch.
Yeah.
And you sit on a chair.
It got to be too much, though.
I'm looking to lay down.
I've got to tone it down a bit.
But you're a great man, and I'm going to miss you on the show, man.
Thank you.
You're a great man, isn't it?
Thank you.
Because I was in the movie The People Against Larry Flint.
Versus.
Versus Larry.
You were in the movie.
The People Versus.
It was a famous movie, and you're in it.
I was in it.
I was one of the people that was versus-ing it.
Okay.
So, I said to him, he said to me, he said to me, hey, he's a good guy.
He's a good guy.
When Larry Flint says, I'll take care of you, I assume that means I'll be
having sex with
an odd-looking lady, and then he'll come in whacking off on his wheelchair.
Well, I-
He's a wonderful guy.
I think that-
You know where this guy started?
I give up.
He used to work under the, the, uh, Queensboro Bridge.
George Washington-
Oh, I mean the wrong bridge.
No, Queensboro Bridge, and he, uh, he'd jerk off punks for $15 a man.
That's when I first met him.
But he's a good guy.
I met Dr. Phil.
That guy's not even a psychiatrist.
No, no, he's just a big buffoon.
Just a big buffoon, yeah.
He was, uh, uh, they put him, I had a TV show, and they put him, I said, I didn't
know
who he was, and then he played a psychiatrist.
He played himself as a psychiatrist, so I said, oh yeah, how long have you been
a psychiatrist?
He goes, I'm not a psychiatrist.
Wow.
I go, you're not?
He goes, no.
He goes, I met Oprah, I, I, I, I'm a jury consultant, you know, people that
select juries.
Okay.
Because Oprah was going against, like, had a lawsuit against a bunch of cattle
or something.
Right.
And so he was picking the jury, and he just, uh, he said some old-timey, uh,
you know.
That's a hard jury to pick.
Because if you have any ties with any cows or any, you know.
Oh, oh, right, in Texas.
Yeah, I'm just, you know, because you have to be completely.
That's true, that's true.
But that, but he must have been good at his job.
Yeah, he was great at that job, and then he, and then he fooled America, you
know.
Yeah.
He's a good guy, I guess, but.
She, did she make him a doctor?
She, well, he was a doc, well, yeah, he, yeah, that was just kind of his
nickname, Doc.
That was his nickname.
Like Doc Ellis.
Right.
But anyways, Joyce Brothers.
Yeah.
Well, I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but, uh, what a fucking whore.
No, she was a nice lady.
Adam was going, okay, you stand over to the basketball scene, you stand over
here, you stand over there, you get over here.
Timmy, you come around, you take the ball from Rock, you give it to, somebody,
somebody yell, shoot, somebody yell action.
Said somebody yell action, and I was like, action.
No, no, no, I do get directed the movie, but he was a good guy.
Yeah.
I was showing Annie, do you ever meet Annie?
A sketch that me and Sandler wrote in our first, my first year.
The ski lift?
Yeah, you remember that sketch?
I love that one, yeah.
Oh, you remember that sketch?
Yeah.
Was it with, uh, Chevy Chase?
No.
No, no, it was with, uh, what's his name?
Jason Patrick.
Jason Patrick, yeah.
Yeah, it was not good.
You don't mind saying you don't like somebody.
What?
No, I think you said the ski.
No, no, he's a great man as an individual.
But how about as a group?
But I learned this from, uh, Robert Blake, who won't come on the show.
Nice guy.
I love him.
But do you know him?
Did you get him on the show?
No, I saw him on Beretta, though.
I said, that looks like a nice guy.
Yeah, Beretta was the best.
And The Little Rascals, I saw him on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The book was riveting.
And The Flying Man.
You didn't read the book.
No, but I heard it.
Yeah, you heard it from me, because I read it.
God damn this motherfucker.
That was a word you kept using, right?
I mean, no offense, but he's a good guy.
Because it's funny with Saturday Night Live, isn't it?
The people that, either they go on to huge fame, or they fizzle into oblivion,
generally.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's, uh.
Then there's me.
And then there's you.
But you know what I mean?
They go huge, big movies and big movie stars, or they're stabbing themselves in
the belly
out in the snow, naked in Connecticut.
That is true.
Well, in Charles Rockets, it was only because he was on Saturday Night Live.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he wrote it in blood on the snow.
Good God.
Have you heard of this?
What?
No, no.
He's a good guy.
Who are some of the guys you've seen?
Charlie Fleischer?
Who are some of the guys you started out with?
Charlie Fleischer?
Yeah, yes, Charles, he doesn't come by much anymore.
Charles Fleischer used to always close the improv.
He'd always close.
Yeah.
And he'd do an hour.
I'm not sure.
I think that guy's out of his goddamn mind.
Whoa.
Am I allowed to say?
I don't even know.
If he comes back, it could be awkward.
What happened?
He's just out of his mind.
What did he do?
You know, I'm not going to get into it.
Did you have an encounter with him?
I mean, no, just every encounter.
That you have?
It's very bizarre.
Off-putting.
Wow, wow.
You seem like a good guy, you know?
Here's a...
I had a black guy open for me,
and I got him into the hotel.
Nice guy.
Vince Champ.
His name was Vince Champ.
Oh, no, no.
I don't know what ever happened to that fella.
But a nice, nice man.
He's arrested for rape.
He knows.
He knows.
And he's not making fun of rape.
Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $550 million.
They are very excited with their purchase,
as this is the only legal way to own black people.
Now, that is here.
Now, that is here, and I read that?
Well, you're nuts.
They're...
You know how businessmen are racist?
They are.
Yeah, so it's them being racist.
They are.
The two businessmen that bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $550 million are racist,
according to this...
Oh, no, they're fine, man.
Hey, how about this?
The Dalai Lama said that killing in the name of religion is unthinkable.
Hey, thanks, Dalai Lama.
I'm sure everybody will fucking listen to you.
No one listens to the Dalai Lama.
No, no one.
He doesn't have a wide reach.
Like the head of another church is going to listen to the Dalai Lama.
Whatever.
Everybody's good.