Name: Worst Movie Critic in the World
Uploaded: 2022-07-22T20:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Worst Movie Critic in the World' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Worst Movie Critic in the World' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-22. Transcript available.

And the Shawshank Redemption picked up the New York Film Festival's coveted
award for the
stupidest movie title. In a related story, three of Hollywood's most powerful
men, David Geffen,
Steven Spielberg, and Jeffrey Katzenberg, joined forces last week to form their
own movie studio.
When asked what sort of films we could expect from them, the trio replied,
mostly pornos.
That's good news. Well, Tom Cruise got ready for the premiere of his new movie,
Interview with the Vampire, by sucking all the blood out of wife Nicole's...
And now it's time for Weekend Updates movie reviews. This week I saw Interview
with the Vampire.
And here's my review. Not gay enough.
Well, this coming Monday is Oscar night, and three films, The English Patient,
Secrets and Lies,
and Shine, are locked in a tight race in the category, Best Picture There's Not
a Chance in Hell I Will Ever See.
No interest at all in seeing them.
And finally, the Oscar nominations were announced this week, and Tom Hanks and
Jodie Foster are in a heated competition
in the Academy's controversial new category, Best Retard.
20th Century Fox has announced that Macaulay Culkin will not be hired to star
in Home Alone 3.
Studio spokesman said that it was nothing personal, but with Culkin now 16
years of age, the only way to keep him in the film would be to make the
character retarded.
"A deadly outbreak of the Ebola virus is said to be responsible for more than
100 deaths in Africa, and a couple of really bad movies here in the United
States."
Well, the much-talked-about film, Showgirls, opened this week, and here's my
review.
Basically, a high-budget porno film, Showgirls is a thinly-veiled excuse to
show lots of naked buttocks, legs, and breasts.
On a scale of 1 to 10, I give it a 10.
"Remember 12 Angry Men," the classic courtroom drama?
Well, the first film about the O.J. Simpson case is in the works.
It's entitled "Nine Angry Black People, Two Scared Asians, and a White Guy Who
Hasn't Spoken Since Rosa Lopez."
Well, the long-running TV series "The Love Boat" is being made into a big-screen
feature by New Line Cinema.
The producers have announced that the entire original cast of Gavin McLeod,
Bernie Capel, Fred Grandy, Ted Lange, Lauren Tweese, and Jill Whalen will have
to pay $7.50 to see the movie just like everybody else.
Asked recently what will set his new "Batman" film, apart from its predecessors,
"Batman and Robin" director Joel Schumacher said, "In this one, all the
costumes will have nipples."
Note to self, do not watch the next "Batman and Robin."
HBO has finished casting its new movie about the talk show wars, entitled "The
Late Shift."
Tap to play Jay Leno is Daniel Roebuck.
The part of David Letterman will be played by Michael Higgins.
And the part of Arsenio Hall will be played by Arsenio Hall.
Woody Allen is to be the subject of a documentary film which will follow his
jazz band on its 1996 tour.
According to its producers, the documentary will focus strictly on the parts of
Allen's life that no one could give a rat's ass about.
Well, filming has finally begun in the long-awaited life story of Evita Peron,
starring pop singer Madonna.
According to its producers, the film is 100% historically accurate, except for
the part where Mrs. Peron has group sex with the Houston Rockets.
In the new movie, Mrs. Winterborn, talk show host Ricky Lake plays the part of
a young mother-to-be.
According to film's producers, Miss Lake was so serious about achieving a
realistic pregnant look, she forced herself to lose 30 pounds.
Well, for the second week in a row, Richard Gere's new film "Primal Fear" was
number one at the box office.
Leading many Hollywood insiders to wonder, "Hey, do you think that gerbil story
is true?"
Last night, the epic disaster film Twister opened to big box office and some
controversy.
The Reverend Jesse Jackson has called for a boycott of the movie, claiming that
not enough black people in the film are killed by tornadoes.
At the box office last week's number one movie, The First Wives Club, was
knocked out of the top spot by a new film, The Hotter, Younger, Second Wives
Club.
She was telling me, this is interesting, she was telling me that, you know that
movie "The Elephant Man"?
Yeah.
We were just talking about it backstage, and I always thought it was a stupid
movie, and she said it's a really good movie, and I said the stupidest thing in
it is because, you know that part where she, where the guy says,
"I am a human, I am not an elephant, I am a human being!"
The guy doesn't even hardly look like an elephant.
So why would you...
You would be the worst movie critic in the world.
So, uh, but one big news story, "Twister" is the big, uh, the big, uh, what do
you call it?
Movie.
Movie, yeah.
"Twister" is the big movie, and, uh, I got some news apparently now, they're
thinking about Oscars for the movie.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Yeah, the, uh, they're thinking of best actor, uh, for, uh, for "The Wind".
Before the show, you said that, that stunk.
Yeah.
Yeah, you were right.
I, I did.
Hey man, I met, uh, the guy from...
I met the guy from Lost, played John Locke, you ever heard of that fella?
Of course.
Yeah, Terry O'Quinn.
Terry O'Quinn.
Yeah.
I love Lost.
Do you ever watch Lost?
Yeah, I'm obsessed with the show, yeah, yeah.
You, you, you...
Yeah, I'm still watching it.
I watch it, uh, I watch it on the, uh, on the...
The Link?
No, the, yeah.
You got that working?
On the computer, where you can watch, like, one, you can watch it right after
each other,
so you don't have, there's no cliffhanger, you know?
Yeah, I know about that.
You probably watched it a lot, six...
Do you think I'm 80?
No, I mean, you probably watched the show, though.
I did, I watched it during the...
So that must have been incredibly frustrating.
No, it wasn't.
Why would you say that?
Well, because, uh, because I couldn't wait, uh, 30 seconds to get into it on my
DVD.
Sometimes it's better to space things out, though, and discuss it with your
friends,
have a little talk about what happened, and then you wait, you have to wait a
week,
and it's, you know, it's delayed gratification.
Yeah, I guess, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what's fun about a book club.
But, uh, but here's the thing.
Where are you in the run of Lost?
I'm finished, I'm finished, I'm finished.
But, uh, I, uh, I realized something around season three.
That, uh, that these guys that wrote The Lost,
they didn't know they were going for six seasons.
So they did not have this planned out.
You don't think they did?
No, they did not write a 400-hour TV show that the name cut it up.
They, you know, they didn't know when they were going to get canceled.
So then they're just making up stuff and everything.
And then, and then crazy things happened.
They didn't get canceled, though.
They planned to end the show.
They ended the show early.
That was their ending?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's even worse.
That was their ending.
That was their ending.
I do not like, I don't like ambiguous endings.
I want to know.
I don't want to try to figure it out.
What about Soprano's ending?
Did you like that?
You didn't care for that?
I want to know.
I don't want to be left.
Like, I remember this movie, Lost in Translation.
Bill Murray, couldn't love the guy more.
Do you ever remember that movie?
Yeah.
At the end of the movie, you see it.
It's all good and everything.
He runs through the crowd, whispers into Scarlett Johansson's ears.
They don't have him miked.
That's unforgivable.
You're like, what?
And then they're like, yeah, you figure it out.
I'm like, me?
I'm supposed to figure it out?
I'm watching.
I like figuring out movies in the same way that would be like me going, hey,
man,
I'm going to buy a car.
I think I'll go down to Detroit, see if they need any help welding.
I can't believe you're not American.
It makes no sense.