Name: He's Not a Good Doctor
Uploaded: 2022-07-26T15:25:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'He's Not a Good Doctor' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'He's Not a Good Doctor' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-26. Transcript available.

Well, a study this week reports seafood is good for you unless it's fried.
Yet another groundbreaking story from the pages of the medical journal, duh.
A new study says that people who quit smoking have healthier lungs.
Yet another groundbreaking story from the pages of the medical journal, duh.
A person who suffers two sharp, powerful blows to the head within a short
period of time can suffer brain damage or even die.
This according to a new study in the medical journal, duh.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian was responsible for another death this week, this time a 58-year-old
woman.
She is the 26th of Kevorkian's patients to die since 1990.
When are people going to realize he is not a good doctor?
Do not go to this man. He's incompetent. He's terrible.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian and seven associates have unveiled new guidelines for
doctors in planning physician-assisted suicide.
Rule number one, get paid in advance.
In a Michigan courtroom this week, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was acquitted of murder
charges
after jurors agreed that he had made a compelling argument for assisted suicide.
Last week during his latest trial on charges of assisted suicide,
Dr. Jack Kevorkian startled a Michigan courtroom
when he stood up and shouted,
This is a lynching.
Everyone turned to look, and sure enough,
he just lynched some old guy.
Tomorrow night on 60 Minutes, Dr. Jack Kevorkian will sit for his first-ever in-depth
interview.
According to producers,
Kevorkian agreed to the interview only on condition
that it be conducted by veteran correspondent Andy Rooney.
Wait.
Don't do it, Andy.
It's a trap.
It's a trap.
This week, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was granted an emergency 30-day permit to carry a
handgun
after telling a court that he fears, quote, right-wing nuts.
But if you ask me, you know, I think Kevorkian's just getting a little lazy,
you know?
In other news, authorities in Pontiac, Michigan,
are trying to determine if Dr. Jack Kevorkian was involved in the death of a
woman
whose body was found in the back of his suicide van.
You know, I'm no expert in police work, but, uh, yes!
In music news, Dr. Jack Kevorkian has performed and recorded
a one-hour CD of his own jazz compositions for the flute.
You know, Dr. Kevorkian, I've listened to your CD, and I've got some advice.
Don't quit your day job, all right?
You know, murdering old people?
Stick with that.
Stay away from the flute and stick with the, uh, the murdering old people.
This is my advice.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian announced this week
that he will start to offer organs taken from his suicide patients
to people who need transplants.
In addition, Kevorkian promised
that anyone who does not get a life-saving organ
will receive a free murdering.
There was outrage in Detroit this week
when Dr. Jack Kevorkian helped a woman commit suicide
in a local church, leaving her body inside the church building.
According to Kevorkian, murdering people in his van
has almost completely lost its sense of blasphemy.
Hello, how are you?
And finally, in medical news,
there are reports that suicide doctor Jack Kevorkian
is considering retirement.
As Kevorkian put it,
I always said I'd quit the day it stopped being fun.
Well, the holidays are upon us again,
and that can mean only one thing,
a dramatic increase in suicides.
Hi, I'm Dr. Jack Kevorkian.
You know, after I introduced my suicide machine two years ago,
I got a flood of letters thanking me.
But I also received letters like the following.
Hey, Dr. Kevorkian,
your machine is great for people
with painful terminal illness.
Dr. James Watts, a neurosurgeon
who performed the first frontal lobotomy,
died this week in Washington.
If you recall,
a lobotomy involves drilling holes in the skull
and then inserting and rotating a knife
to destroy brain cells.
What a genius.
He'll be missed.
Psychiatrist Kurt Freund,
one of the world's leading experts
on the study of deviant sexual arousal,
passed away last week
at the age of 82.
Dr. Freund's last words were,
quote,
whatever happens to me,
can someone please make sure
that the headline of my obituary
does not contain the phrase
deviant sexual arousal?
Would that be too much to ask from you, you dirty ba-