Name: Norm Macdonald on Twitter
Uploaded: 2022-08-07T05:17:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Twitter' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Twitter' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-07. Transcript available.

You're big on Twitter, which I love.
I love Twitter. Do you like Twitter?
I like it. I have 2,450,000 followers.
I love it.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I eat it to them.
More than Jesus.
Hey.
Yes, I'm sorry.
I know you got into Twitter, bro.
Last night, I got into a bit of a Twitter war with my followers.
Followers, it ends up, they all fucking hate your guts.
But I maintain, I watched this Liberace movie.
Okay.
And he's making out, you know, you know who plays him?
Michael Douglas.
Yes.
First of all, has pussy cancer in his throat.
He's making out with Matt Damon.
The Academy Awards were on, so I said, oh, fuck, I'll just watch the Academy
Awards and I'll
tweet all the time, all the way through the Academy Awards.
And it was so fucking fun.
You liked it.
Oh, my God.
You got the hook.
Were you vicious to the people up there?
Did you find the Academy Awards boring?
They were the worst fucking Academy Awards ever.
Ever, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And did you write that?
Were you honest with the people?
A couple of times, like, I was like, I had a couple of them that were maybe
mean.
Like I said, I think I said, like, by the time, this is starting to drag, by
the time the dead
guy montage fucking shows up, Kirk Douglas will be in it.
What was the line you had about Gaddafi?
Gaddafi was the poisonous tyrant, Muammar Gaddafi, the psychopath is missing.
Gee, I hope he's all right.
I hope he's all right.
Sometimes people will get mad at me for a tweet.
It's bizarre.
And sometimes it's like a real, like, benign one, you know, that's when they're
usually
most mad.
I don't remember one time, like, I just had watched Soylent Green, you know?
Yeah.
So I tweeted, uh, I didn't know Soylent Green was people.
Like, I've watched that movie, like, ten times.
And a guy just told me Soylent Green was people, you know?
And people got so mad.
Like, everybody's typing, they're like, what, are you an idiot?
Of course it's Soylent Green is people, you know?
Here's another tweet.
You said, I'm going to die one day.
That's what really kills me.
That's a good tweet.
That was one of yours.
I like that one.
I don't know what it is with that voice of yours.
When I read your tweets, everybody that I talk to also reads them in Norm's
voice.
And it makes it that much funnier.
Everybody started, during the Oscars, we all start tweeting our shit during the
Oscars,
past Oscars.
And one of my buddies, Travis, actually retweeted and said, you've got to
follow Norm MacDonald.
I'm like, I didn't even know you were honest, so I started following you.
And they were hilarious.
Like, when are you going to thank the computer?
Every fucking tweet.
When are you going to thank the computer?
Just shit like that is stuff that no one else was tweeting.
It's out of your mind shit.
I just found out about that tweeter shit.
It's great.
And you got so many followers really quickly and didn't have to pull a Charlie
Sheen with
it.
It was just funny shit, man.
But when you go to hit the send, you fuck for a second, you go, wait, because
it's just
off the top of your head.
And it's right there, yeah.
And I don't do drugs or alcohols, thankfully, because I'm sure guys could
really fuck up and
say bad things.
They have.
Norm's tweets, like, some of them are not supposed to be funny.
They're, like, profound, like, poetic.
I deleted a lot of those.
Because I'd read my responses and they'd go, you fucking assholes, you're funny.
I'm like, I don't know.
That's just it.
You can't stop being, like, if you're funny and then you got, like, a serious
comment.
Like, I would tweet some ridiculous shit, but then I'd go, like, ah, you know,
Obama gave
his speech.
Let me give a little feedback on what I believe in Obama.
You racist, fucking conservative, fucking rich motherfucker.
Some people, too, fucking think it's serious.
Like, I tweeted one that I said, I don't know, I said, like, my father was
brutally murdered
last week, and it's only now I can look back and laugh.
And then these people would fucking answer.
They'd go, like, I'm so sorry.
Like, ah, closure takes a while.
So I had to go, no, no, it was a joke.
How does anyone read that and not, especially from you, and not think it's kind
of a joke?
People are so stupid.
That's something this whole thing has opened up, where you're kind of
communicating with
people you never would talk to or meet, that you know don't understand what a
sense of
humor even is.
So the responses you get sometimes, like, just, like, hey, I was like, hey, you
know,
God, it's spring, but I'm looking outside, and there's still a little snow on
my back table.
At least you're alive, motherfucker!
You know, I said, why the dead guy?
I'm getting tweets from the dead.
I guess he had a loved one pass on.
Perhaps a father that was brutally murdered a week ago.
I guess to sum it up, everybody's a critic, huh, guys?
Your special should have been called the voice of reason.
This is the, uh, this is the tour award for, uh, best Hall of Famer.
Uh, at...
Going real well.
At Albert Brooks.
I installed a stripper pole outside my house.
I haven't caught one yet.
Steve Martin to go.
OMG, President Lincoln has been shot.
Wait, whoa, my internet connection is so low.
Uh, at Alec Baldwin.
How many freaking times am I going to say it?
27.
She's 27.
Jeez.
That's the girlfriend.
Uh, at Al Yankovic.
Breaking news.
Netflix splits off into a third company called Vernster,
where you can rent nothing but Ernest P. Whirl movies for $5 a month.
And, uh, at Norm Macdonald.
Rest in peace at me, Winehouse.
We lost a true heroin addict today.
And who is Norm Macdonald?
Hey, everybody.
It's me, Norm.
Um, I couldn't be with you tonight because I am, um, I'm on, no, I'm on
location in, uh, Spain where I'm, uh, tweeting in Madrid, Spain.
If that's a, if that's a city that's in Spain, then that's where I am.
And, uh, but I'd like to thank National Lampoon for, uh, the good people there.
What did they do?
They, they took a once great franchise and, and burned it asunder.
So I'd like to thank them.
And I'd like to thank everyone that helped me win this award, um, except there
aren't any, because, uh, it was just me and a computer.
I would like to thank the computer.
Um, what else?
Huh.
Let me think.
It's pretty cool, you know, how far technology has come.
Like, you, you, you, you people are probably saying right now, hey, look, Norm
has, has hired an entire film crew in, in Spain, and now he has filmed himself
at great expense, and has, has sent the reels over to, uh, the United States,
uh, and now, but, no, no, you could not be wronger.
I am doing this on a telephone.
What make you of that?
I know, you're saying, hey, Norm, that's not, that cannot be right.
A telephone is used for telephoning.
People take a telephone, and they telephone other people, and they say, what
time is it there, where you are, with your telephone?
Because it's not the same time here.
But, that is just the sort of philistine pig ignorance I've come to expect of
you animals.
The fact is, welcome to the future, that's all I can say, welcome to the future.
And, uh, I myself love Twitter.
I follow, uh, everybody, you know.
I follow, uh, Shelby Ferro, who, uh, you know, who has her, um, her amusing, uh,
is angst a word?
I've heard that word before.
And, uh, I direct messaged her once.
That's a true story.
And she direct messaged me back.
And it was either, it was either her or Chris Hansen.
Who knows nowadays?
But, um, you can find anybody on Twitter.
And I enjoy, uh, Eddie Pepitone and his tweets, which look to me to be the
longest suicide note in history.
But thank you for the award.
And, uh, god damn, I'm telegenic.
Thank you.