Name: Dylan Macdonald Accepts His Father HCA Awards
Uploaded: 2022-08-28T04:18:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dylan Macdonald Accepts His Father HCA Awards' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dylan Macdonald Accepts His Father HCA Awards' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-28. Transcript available.

Oh, hi. I just wanted to say that my father loved dogs, and he loved the second
annual HGA Awards.
And that ever since he was a kid in the Ottawa Valley, he always wanted to win
a second annual HGA Awards, and also to have a dog.
I would like to say to Eugene Levy that there's no reason to be ashamed of your
son.
My son only this morning punched me in the chest really hard.
Are those your jokes that you wrote today?
Yep, yep, yep. I've been cracking them out.
Okay. I am going to prove something right now. Read the jokes to me.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and if it's a fish, I eat it.
Meta.
Meta.
Yeah?
I hate Meta.
Anyway, we'll get a shot of the fire in a minute. Your two sons are here
tonight.
Yeah.
This is a very--
Twins!
This is great.
I wasn't sure if they wanted to be on the show or not.
Those are your-- your two sons are here tonight. This is a real fun-- I'm glad
you guys finally made it up here, too. This is great.
Good to be here.
Yeah. You guys got to-- you guys got to come up here more often.
We should.
Absolutely.
Party.
Yeah, this is good.
Now, Norm, yeah, are you going to bring your twins up more often?
Oh, here and now? Yeah, they can come out here if they want.
Yeah?
They'll come on the show?
Do a sketch or something?
Well, no, I'm just-- I was just saying in the future, but if they want to come
on here.
Yeah, sure.
Do they want to come on here?
See if we get up and give them the legs.
Yeah.
You guys don't have to leave, though.
You guys can leave.
We'll be here. We'll be in the audience.
Okay.
They're going to do a sketch.
They get off the camera and we're-- I don't know what this is.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, here we go.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are live on the internet right now.
Or, uh--
I should hold the box.
We got a panda.
Norm's twins are nice.
Dylan and, uh--
Dylan.
Dylan, yes.
Creative with the naming.
How are you doing, Dylan?
How are you?
How are you?
Wait, is that going to work?
I don't know.
I don't know what this is.
Take a hand, though.
There we go.
There we go.
You're Dylan and--
Dylan.
Dylan and Dylan.
Yeah.
You're both named Dylan.
Yeah.
Both named Dylan.
Okay, good.
Oh, well, thank you.
Well, this is great.
Yeah.
Both named Dylan, really?
Yeah.
Very good.
Oh, that's good.
And, uh, you've never been up to the show before.
Yeah.
First time.
We got to see Conan and this tonight.
This is a lot of fun.
Double header, yeah.
And you guys have been to my hometown of Ottawa, you have?
I have, yeah.
Yeah.
That's because we're from Ottawa.
You know, your father and I grew up, uh, maybe only, what, ten blocks away from
each
other?
In Gloucester.
Gloucester?
I grew up on Jasper and I grew up on Monson.
Those were your streets?
Yeah, if you look on your Google Earth, Jasper and Monson and Beacon Hill are
not, not too
far away from each other.
Do you have a lot of play dates?
No, because we didn't know each other when we were kids.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
But then when I was about, uh, 15 years old, I started going down to the Yuck Yucks
and,
uh, Dad was, uh, was, uh, on, uh, coming through the Yuck Yucks all the time on
stage and,
uh, that's, uh, I was a huge fan and now we're here hanging out.
It's a, it's a, this is a nice little, uh, connection here, right?
This is, uh, you know?
What?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Your sons are here.
We all grew up in the same neighborhood.
I mean, this is.
Yeah.
Where should I go?
Let's come sit, uh, sit, sit, sit, you sit right here in the middle, Dylan.
Yeah.
You sit right in the middle.
And Norm, you sit down right here.
Yeah.
Just like this.
Why do I have this big giant?
Okay.
Yeah.
And look, look what we have.
We have a caller here over here.
We have a caller.
We have Cody on the air as well.
Oh, Cody looks interesting.
Let's share for you if you want that too.
Oh, you sit on that.
That's pretty good.
Where'd Steve go?
He doesn't want to, he gave up.
I don't have any kids here.
Oh.
Cody, do you have a question for Norm and his sons?
These broken pieces I hold in my hands.
Don't have a chance to mend at all.
Before they get thrown into chaos again.
I try to pretend I'm whole enough.
To stand in this gross horse.
What are the best things in your life right now?
The best thing is my son.
My son being happy.
Ah.
Hmm.
How old is your son?
He's, uh, what, 10, 15?
You liar.
He's six.
He's a six year old.
You just about, you had sex in the last 10 years.
No.
My son's 16 years old.
He's six.
No, he's 16 years old.
He's 16.
So is he a confidant?
Do you call him and, you know, do you ever share personal, you know, trials and
tribulations
and triumphs?
Oh, no.
I would never do that to a child.
He's 16.
Well, I mean...
As you have said, he can't be a child forever.
When are you going to put the hard realities of life on him?
Well, that's an interesting question.
That is an interesting question because I actually have love for my son.
Yes.
Like, deep, deep love.
Of course.
He's your son.
And so, uh, um, I don't want to damage him with...
The way you were damaged.
With the harsh realities.
I don't know.
I had a great...
I don't want to damage him with any viewpoints I may have because he's not
ready yet for reality.
I think children aren't ready for reality for a while.
But I do tell him that education is pointless and things like that.
What does his mother say?
She thinks that he should go to college and stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He should.
And you're like, don't waste your money.
Yeah, I'm saying it's just arbitrary nonsense.
You know, it's...
I tell him even the classes he takes now, it's just ridiculous.
You know, that algebra has no meaning and none of this stuff is...
Unless he becomes an engineer.
Well, unless he becomes...
Do you have no hope for this child?
Unless he becomes a math teacher, math professor.
But I mean, you know, the...
You think it's a coincidence that they have six subjects out of 10 billion that
they teach in school?
That's just completely arbitrary.
And then you have to pick one of the 10 billion to focus on.
No, no.
You have to...
They don't teach you 10 billion.
You need basic math.
You need basic language.
It's lovely when the school has art or music, which none of them do anymore.
Yeah.
A little PE to keep us from getting fat.
Yeah.
A little science.
A little science.
Some of the basic science stuff.
Sure they do.
Of course they do.
No, I tell him if he wants to go to college, he should have a goal, you know,
to be...
He can't.
He's 16.
No kid at 16 has a goal.
Their goal is like to be a rock star.
Or have sex.
Right.
I mean, that's actually the goal.
Does he want to have sex?
Or did you tell him I don't bother with that?
That's...
There's nothing for you in that.
Just repetitive.
It's over and over.
Same thing.
I would discuss something like that with him.
I hold him in too high esteem to discuss something.
We are...
We're super short on time.
I've already missed my traffic thing.
I'm fascinated.
I don't know whether to slap you or hug you.
Like seriously, I feel like someone needs to shake you and knock some sense
into you.
We are going to take a short break.
Or maybe you.
What?
Maybe you.
Knock sense into me?
No.
I'm doing fine.
I'm good over here.
No, you're not.
I'm telling you.
I know from broken people.
Norm MacDonald.