Name: Young Chunk of Coal
Uploaded: 2022-08-30T14:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Young Chunk of Coal' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Young Chunk of Coal' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-30. Transcript available.

Because millions of people don't have any food in the world, so let's eat!
So much to share, so much to eat.
But there are those who are less fortunate, perhaps you should comment on those
people for us.
Well, Jan Murray is, I think.
Jan Murray!
He's worse off.
How's that?
Well, I mean, nobody really wants to be Jan Murray.
You'd always rather be yourself.
I mean, you're not taping this, are you, Randy?
Thank you.
And then Roberto Duran says to the other guy,
"No, you blow it up this time!"
Jerry Lewis the actor, or Jerry Lewis the telethon guy.
Any of those caps that I wear, it's always a love.
Either that or the hang!
That feeling that what it is that a creative person does, whether that be as an
artist or as a creative...
Source.
You could say source, that's your word.
Genius.
Genius would be more my word.
Genius would be more my word.
My next guest is Mr. Bill Cosby, the man who's done more commercials than Bruce
Jenner.
Dino, man, it's me.
Bill couldn't be with us.
I guess that's perfect.
You only have one tape with one song in it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You ever play the lotteries?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You ever play the lotteries?
Yeah.
Yeah, I never play them.
But you ever get a lottery ticket, somebody give it to you as a gift, like for
Christmas or something?
I always thought that was the weirdest gift to give somebody a lottery ticket.
You know?
Here you go.
Nothing.
That's nothing at all there.
From me to you, a worthless hunk of cardboard.
But that's all it is unless it pays off, you know?
And that'd be worse.
Imagine giving a guy a lottery ticket for Christmas.
It wins.
You call a guy from like a week later and go, "Yeah, what's that, Bill?
Yeah, I remember that ticket I gave you.
Fourteen million bucks, huh?
Yeah.
Ah!
Well, Merry Christmas to you then.
What did you get me again?
Oh, you had a cup.
Oh, that was some cup too, wasn't it?
Guess no chance of that cup skyrocketing in value in the next little while, is
there?
You dirty dog!
Oh, thanks.
How are you guys doing?
All right?
The weirdest show I ever see, the dating game?
That's the weirdest show.
The prize on the dating game, another contestant.
Talk about cheap, you know?
They chuck you somebody else.
And they always do the same thing on the dating game.
They get a beautiful girl, match her up with three big geeks.
Last week they had a guy, I was like a crazy guy, loony bin, psycho, wing nut,
crazy guy.
You can tell by the way they introduce him, you know?
They go, "Bachelor number two is a shadowy lurking character.
From no fixed address, please welcome."
Guy comes shambling into the studio, well thumbed copy of Catcher in the Rye,
sticking out of his back pocket area.
And then they made the girls ask those questions.
They always be laced with sexual innuendo, you know?
The girl got to go, "Bachelor number two, if I were a popsicle, what would you
do to me then?"
That's what it says in the card here, something about a popsicle.
And then the guy goes, "Well, if you were a popsicle, huh?"
Well, first of all, I guess I'd take your wrapper off.
If you know what I mean.
Then I'd grab ahold of your sticks.
If you know what I mean.
Then I'd press you against the counter to your broken two.
Put...
Put half you in the freezer till later.
If you know what I mean.
If you understand what I'm getting at there, I...
Crazy guy that turned out to be.
I'm scared of letting go, go, go.
I'm scared of letting go, go, go.
I'm scared of letting go, go, go.
I'm scared of letting go of everything.
I'm scared of letting go.
I'm trying to buy a dog now.
I went to this dog store.
And, uh...
I'll tell you, boy.
Typical salesman in this dog store.
Wanted to sell me the most expensive dog in the store, you know?
Wanted to sell me a $600 dog.
I was looking for a cheap dog, you know?
I...
I just wanted a discount dog, you know?
That's why I...
Just something off the rack for me, you know?
Just...
Show me your bin of dogs, I said to the guy.
But no, this guy wants to sell me the pit bull.
He says, "This pit bull will protect your valuables."
And I don't have anything that valuable, you know?
I mean, I'd buy a pit bull, the most valuable thing I'd own.
Feed a pit bull, eh?
That's a bad dog to buy anyway.
Because why you buy a dog is you can order them around.
You know, you can't order a pit bull around.
You can't say, "Okay, pit bull, run into the bedroom.
Fetch my slivers.
Go on, fetch my slivers."
And the pit bull will go, "I could kill you, buddy."
I'm a pit bull, don't you read the papers?
What the hell?
That's...
I got a wiener dog.
Wiener dog can't rip your throat out, you know?
Unless you're lying down, you know?
Lying down sleeping, maybe then the wiener dog sneak up,
start nibbling at your throat, I don't know.
Maybe by daybreak he's got a hold of a vein,
he's pulling out a vein here.
Wake up, you go,
"Ah, get away from me, you wiener dog!"
What do you think you are, a pit bull or something?
My vein bag there.
I'll give you a hickey, that's the worst wiener dog I've ever had.
You ever get a present for your dog?
My grandmother sent my dog a sweater.
I don't know what a waste of wool that is there.
Boy, that's a sweater for a dog.
I don't want to put it on a dog, it just humiliates the dog, you know?
And what happens if the dog gets lost?
He's wearing a sweater.
How long is he going to survive any alleyways with that on, you know?
Them's mean streets if you're a wiener dog in a cardigan, you know?
You guys have been great, thanks a lot.