Name: Norm Macdonald with NBA Players
Uploaded: 2022-09-07T16:33:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald with NBA Players' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald with NBA Players' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-07. Transcript available.

Is this a really good question, Norm?
Here's a familiar face for you, Blake.
Yeah, it's a question from Blake's good friend, Norm.
No, Blake, it's fun watching you this year.
Wasn't it cool?
Yeah.
Thank you.
And I was wondering, like, there's a kind of a curse with Rookie of the Year.
Nobody's ever repeated it.
Hmm.
I didn't think about that.
Well, I'll try as hard as I can next year, but...
All right, man.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Thank you for that question, though.
That's going on top of the goals for next year.
Dennis Rodman was a guest.
Dennis Rodman, right.
And so we thought it'd be funny if he head-butted me, you know?
So he head-butted me, but he did it really hard, you know?
Do we have a...
I think, actually, someone supplied the clip.
You're not kidding around.
I think it's a real clip of what happened.
Let's show that, Liz.
If you plan to be here next fall doing book reviews,
I expect to see a major attitude adjustment.
You know, and while you're at it, a more conventional hairstyle
and some clothes, for God's sakes,
you're going to have to learn that there is such a thing as rules,
Dennis Rodman.
Rules.
Do you understand that?
Sure.
I understand.
Well, good.
That's the way it is.
Good night, and have a good weekend.
Wait a minute.
It did look like the, uh...
Yeah, that really...
You hear that...
You hear that dull thud of, like, skull on skull.
It really...
Yeah, and I don't have, like, a strong head.
I haven't been working it out lately.
Really?
But he has, like, an athlete's head, you know?
But, uh...
No, beforehand, he said, like, I said,
"Hey, don't hit me with your head."
Or, you know, "Don't really hit me."
And he goes, "No, no, I'll..."
He goes, he had this thing where he was going to put his thumbs,
and as soon as he touched my thumbs, I go back,
and then he got all excited and head-butted me.
So, like...
So, did you feel him, like, pull the thumbs back,
and then real head was coming in at you?
Yeah, I went crazy.
And so, I, like, blacked out for, like, a minute,
and then the next day, I had this huge headache,
so I thought I was going to die, you know?
And, uh, so I went to the hospital.
I went to St...
I don't want to say the hospital,
but I went to this hospital to emergency, you know?
And they're all, like,
they're the craziest guys in emergency.
It's all, like, crap.
Everybody's on crack, you know?
Every emergency is a guy on crack.
Yeah.
So, I went in, and they go, uh,
they go, like, "Hey, uh, how much crack do you have?"
You know?
And I go, "I'm not on crack."
And they go, "What happened?"
I go, "Dennis Rodman head-butted me."
On the TV.
He head-butted me on the TV.
So, they go, "Yeah, yeah."
How much crack, uh-huh.
So, what happened?
Were you, would they, anything wrong?
I don't know, man.
They said, like, you can't tell.
They said, like, the only way you can tell
is if later on, if you go to sleep,
and you don't wake up, you-
Yeah.
That's why you didn't mention
the name of the hospital.
Yeah, I don't want to mention it.
I, I, I, I didn't know this, too.
If you, yeah, you, if you go to emergency,
you gotta pay.
They keep sending me bills,
like, all kinds of bills.
You thought it was free,
that you could just go there and-
Yeah, yeah.
I'm from Canada, it's all free there.
Oh, okay.
That, that, that-
That's good.
Now, you were gonna bring your son, your boy.
Oh, my son was so excited to come, you know?
He knows nothing about entertainment or show business,
because, uh, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
And, uh, but, uh, he loves sports, you know?
Yeah.
He's a, he's a basketball fanatic.
Yeah.
He loves it.
A beautiful little 10-year-old boy I have.
And, uh, he was very excited because Charles Barkley-
Charles was supposed to be here.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And, uh, apparently he was afraid to fly in with the fire.
Yeah.
So, uh-
So, uh, anyways, I had to phone him at his school today,
and, uh, he had all his, his, uh, Charles Barkley cards,
you know, and everything.
He collects them, and, uh, he was so excited.
And I said, "Uh-uh, Charles, not gonna be here," you know?
And, uh, he was sad.
And then, uh-
Well, we tried to get Karl Malone.
I know, I know.
And then, uh, and then you guys phoned.
You said, "Hey, Karl Malone's gonna be here."
So then I phoned him back at school.
I said, "Hey, hey, Dill, guess what?
Karl Malone's gonna be here."
And he was really excited, you know,
'cause he has all his cards, too, and he loves Karl Malone.
So he was real excited.
And then, uh, Karl Malone's not coming.
No.
So then they phoned me.
They go, uh, "It's gonna be Jillian Barbary."
Yeah.
So I phoned my boy, and, uh...
I got, you know, he's in school.
I said, "Hey, uh, uh, uh, uh,
Charles Barkley's not gonna be here."
And, uh, Karl-- Karl Malone's not gonna be here,
but, uh, "Jillian Barbary's gonna be here."
And then he said, uh,
"Eh, is she a point guard for the Warriors or something?"
And I said, "Nah, she's a little lady."
Yeah.
You know, when he gets older,
but I think he'll appreciate her more.
Yeah, I know.
As you get older, you know.
Hey, Alexi.
So you're the guy I made Tyra look like a fat lady, right?
Sure am.
Excellent.
Okay, well, make me look like that guy.
You got it.
Yeah.
You work the face, I'll work the body.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
That's not Blake Griffin-y enough.
Come on, man.
More Blake Griffin-y.
More Blake Griffin-y.
Now I'm going to find out what it's like to be Blake Griffin.
And now I'm going to find out what it's like to be Blake Griffin.
Oh!
And now I'm going to find out what it's like to be Blake Griffin.
Oh!
And now I'm going to find out what it's like to be Blake Griffin.
Oh!
And now I'm going to find out what it's like to be Blake Griffin.
Oh!
And now I'm going to find out what it's like to be Blake Griffin.
First I'm going to fool his teammates.
Stupid, dork.
I'm Blake Griffin, and you are?
Your good friend and teammate, DeAndre Jordan.
Oh, my good friend, DeAndre Jordan, of course.
So what time's rehearsal?
You mean practice, right?
Yeah, practice.
What's up with your voice?
What's up with your voice?
What's up with your voice?
I'm open, I'm open.
Ow!
Not so hard, man.
All right.
Hippies!
Skyhook!
Are you all right?
Ah!
Blake, we haven't started.
I gotta quit smoking.
Smoking?
What's up with you today, man?
Still got my defense.
Blake, that's a file, you can't slap me.
Says who?
Says who?
Ah!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's worse.
That's all it's been.
You just got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's worse.
Just jump up there and get it.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
That's all it's been.
I got an idea.
I got an idea.
I don't know what's going on here.
My heart is beating so fast.
Are you all right?
I think I pulled part of my leg
that's underneath the top part.
Sweet Cordial.
Oh, hold on.
Give me one second.
Sorry, I'm late.
Somebody burned my house down.
Oh, no.
I got to start working out.
Oh, I just got this memo from the network.
It says they're happy with the show's format,
but they just have one note.
It looks like from now on they want us to be a Western.
Up yonder on the front of the ridge.
It's the Younger's game.
I don't take kindly to ambushes.
You know what cat's side winders?
Yellow-bellied varmints.
That was a smart chunk of shooting there, Tiny.
I'm just happy we got Miss Bonita's money back.
Hell, what kind of wicked critter would steal a life savings off a dance hall
girl?
Marshall, behind you.
God!
Dang!
Hell's bells have been bitten the posterior.
What do we do now?
Well, you go see Princess Big Madison at the Indian Village.
Hell, she knows all the cures better than any doctor.
Princess, ma'am, the monster has been bit by some serpent.
You must suck out the poison with your mouth.
This is the only way.
Now go! Go with the wind!
Tiny, you're back!
What did Princess Big Valley say?
Oh, man, she said, uh...
Well, what did she say?
Hey!
She said you're gonna die.
Well, at least I got my boots on.
That's the most a cowboy can ask for.
What in tarnation?
Hey, the network says they have a memo for you.
Miss here, we didn't say Western.
We said we wanted more about the Western Conference Finals.
What a damn fool misunderstanding.
Okay, that's it?
That's a wrap.
We'll be out of here.
Alright.
See you later.
Alright.
Let's go.
I guess I'll have to get me some of them fancy reading glasses.
Any last requests before we shoot both you?
Well, I'd sure like to hear some country music.
The twangier the better.
Okay, we can do that.
How about you?
Yeah, shoot me first.
*Rainful music*