Name: Norm on Prince Charles & Princess Diana
Uploaded: 2022-09-09T15:32:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm on Prince Charles & Princess Diana' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm on Prince Charles & Princess Diana' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-09. Transcript available.

According to an obscure 14th century law, British Army Captain James Hewitt
could be hanged for having an affair with Princess Diana.
The punishment for having sex with Princess Diana is death.
The punishment for having sex with Princess Anne is having sex with Princess
Anne.
In other book news, Prince Charles released an autobiography in which he states
that he never loved Princess Di
and that his father pressured him to marry her.
The book is entitled, Of Course O.J. Did It, I Mean Come On.
New York City doorman Lenny Ladenhoff nearly fell over from shock
when Princess Diana confided to him that she was feeling horny
and invited him to drop by her hotel suite Thursday evening.
Way to go, Lenny!
A blind man felt Princess Diana's face last week
and said she is the prettiest woman I've ever seen.
He then picked up a toilet plunger and said,
Thank you for this royal scepter. I shall treasure it all with.
And now a correction to a story we ran last week.
Prince Charles is actually the one in the middle.
So we...
We apologize for that.
Well, New Yorkers were asked in a recent survey what they thought of the new slicked-back
hairdo,
Princess Di, displayed on a recent trip to the city.
38% of New Yorkers approved, 45% disapproved,
and 17% said,
You stopped me for this?
Now I'm going to shoot you.
Former British Cavalry Officer James Hewitt, who was Lady Diana's secret lover,
says he will never, ever disclose the contents of more than 100 love letters
that she sent to him.
This, according to Hewitt's new book, I Banged a Princess.
In England, a much-publicized videotape of a naked Princess Diana having sex
with her lover,
Captain James Hewitt, has turned out to be a fake.
But on the bright side, it's still a video of two naked people having sex.
The Franklin Mint has announced plans to market a Princess Diana porcelain doll.
And the timing of the move has made some people very unhappy.
Critics charge that the doll is in poor taste,
and they're even more upset about the Franklin Mint's other new offering, porcelain
landmines.
You can play with them together if you want.
A Tampa businesswoman who bought several of Princess Diana's gowns as a
collector
is now putting them on display to raise money for charity.
However, her method of display is being described by many as inappropriate.
Still, for four bits, you know, it's a good deal.
Well, a sad story from Britain this week.
According to the Earl of Spencer, several intruders have recently broken into
his family estate
in search of souvenirs from Princess Diana's grave.
But the Earl says he knows just how to protect the site.
Landmines.
I use my time for, you know what I do, I do a lot of charity work for things
that people,
I don't like arguing with people, you know, when they have another opinion than
me.
So what I do is I pick very popular opinions, and then I work for those people.
Like, for instance, there was, you know the landmine big thing?
Princess Diana, one of the greatest people who ever lived,
she was against landmines.
So, tragically, she died, you know, before her landmine crusade really got
rolling, you know.
And, of course, it was a terrible tragedy and everything like that.
And then she died, and I, so I am, hey, how about this, remember when she died,
and Elton John wrote that song for her, but it was the same song that he wrote
for Marilyn Monroe?
That seems like kind of a jip.
But the king's like, hey, man, you wrote a song for my daughter?
I don't know if there's a king.
You wrote a song for Princess Diana?
Yes.
Yeah, you all ready?
She just died an hour ago.
Yeah, I wrote it.
I wrote it.
And here it is.
Oh, she lived her life like a candle in the wind.
Wait a minute.
It sounds like that song you wrote about Marilyn Monroe.
Well, it's a little bit.
Some of the same words.
Why did you do that?
Because they're similar when you think about it.
Come on.
Marilyn Monroe, she was taking crazy drugs and promiscuous, running around.
Man, you know, you never knew if she was going to live or die.
She was just living her life crazy like a candle in the wind, you know.
And Princess Di, she lived in a castle.
But, you know, they're sort of the same.
They were blonde.
I got to go.
But anyways.
I forgot what I was going to say.
Oh, that I am very against landmines.
So I will go and I will make, you know, I'll go to protests, you know.
And I'll have a big sign that says, no more landmines.
Because if you don't know about landmines, hey, you're educating me about stuff
tonight.
I'll educate you a little about landmines, you know.
Because there's many different causes, you know.
And landmines are terrible.
What they are is they put them underneath the earth and then you step on them
and they blow you up.
So I go there and I protest against them.
And what's fun about it is there's very few counter-protesters.
You know, there's a couple of guys out there, but clearly these guys are in the
pocket of the, you know, big landmine companies in this country.
You know.
I don't mean to get all Bill Maher on you or anything, but if you think that
the landmine companies in this country care about you, the little person, they
don't care about you.
They care about blowing you up when you're not expecting it.
That's how they make their money.
No.
Whatever.