Name: Going on a Time Machine to Kill Hitler
Uploaded: 2022-09-17T14:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Going on a Time Machine to Kill Hitler' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Going on a Time Machine to Kill Hitler' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-17. Transcript available.

So when you started in Credibad, slash the Lonely Island, what's the
significance of that name, though?
That's what really I wanted to ask. The Lonely Island. You think of all islands
as kind of lonely?
Do you really want to hear this story? Yes, please. I do, too.
We've got to do a real short version, which is just basically what we call the
apartment we lived on, on Olympic, with all the traffic.
It was a sarcastic name from a sarcastic Tennessee Williams-style sketch we did
about the apartment.
Akiva wrote a one-act play.
Goddamn, I wish I had a time machine.
To see that action.
Yeah, no, to take back my question.
I thought you were going to say to murder Hitler.
I would not. You know, people always fucking want to murder Hitler with their
time machine, right?
But then I feel if I got back there, I'd be afraid of falling under the spell
of his fucking beautiful eyes.
It's true.
In the oratory.
He locked in the gaze.
Yeah, and then I joined the fucking party, knowing me.
That's his thing. He gives you his full attention. You're like, whoa, wait a
minute. Maybe there's something to this guy.
No, but before you ask another serious question, we've got to move on.
Believe it or not, they're telling us to wrap it up. I don't exactly know why
you got here.
I don't want to.
This is fun for everyone.
It's the low reality, guys.
For the record, I would have killed Hitler. So thanks, gentlemen.
Can I just clarify? If I did go back in time to kill Hitler, I would do it.
Yeah, yeah.
I wouldn't get lost in his eyes and then bam.
Yeah.
Just so I don't get hit from all the defamation league.
He would end it.
Yeah.
Listen, man, I'm sorry about...
We've got to wrap it up.
I'm sorry about bringing out Hitler.
You really brought this live show to a new world.
This is the first one, right? This is your first interview?
Yeah, this is the first time I've ever been able to get a man.
If you can bring Hitler into all of them, they're going to ask you back for
sure, which is I know what you want.
That's what we're all hoping for.
Okay.
I'm sick of these kind of characters.
I think we should kill Hitler.
Me and you, go suicide. Kill him.
He died 50 years ago, probably.
Did he? I didn't even know he was sick.
He wasn't. Well, no, that's fine.
I wish I could find a Hitler of today and go kill him.
I wish I could. I don't know.
If I could take you back in time, well, first I'd kill Hitler, but then I'd
ride a dinosaur or something.
I don't know what you wanted to do, but these are some things you'd have to do
first.
I would invest in Coca-Cola.
You know, there's a lot of things I wouldn't do if I could go back in time, but
unfortunately, I can't.
You're probably going, oh, well, this guy can go back in time.
Why hasn't he?
Well, that's an interesting question you ask, because I don't have a time
machine, and I don't know any portholes in the atmosphere that I can go through.
And that's about the only scientific stuff I can say is portholes, and maybe
that's just for boats.
What year would you go back to if you could go back in time? What year?
If I could go back in time, I'd go back a year ago and just get a pastrami
sandwich or something from someplace I closed two months before.
But I don't, because if you could just go back any time, then that would be
fine.
Well, let's go down memory lane just a little bit.
Yes.
I thought he just went there.
No, I'm kidding.
Yes, I'd say hello to Jesus if I could go back in time and say, hey, between
you and me, I think, you know, maybe keep your mouth shut.
It's getting people angry.
You know, you're really not making any friends here.
Eventually, you'll be famous.
Trust me.
But right now, maybe you just want to, you know, pull back a little.
Go ahead, Angela, hop in here.