Name: Dirty Johnny Joke
Uploaded: 2022-09-18T15:32:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dirty Johnny Joke' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dirty Johnny Joke' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-18. Transcript available.

Well, I can tell a joke.
Go for it.
Yeah, please do.
This is what we're looking for.
Yeah.
There was a little boy in school named Dirty Johnny.
Now, he's not dirty in this joke, but he'd always said the hellion in class,
and the
teacher didn't think much of him.
So the teacher has a project, or not a project, but an in-class thing.
How'd that go again?
Says, oh, I said, she says, now, this is what you're going to do here, class.
I want you to stand up and tell the class a story from your life, and then
afterwards
say the moral to that story.
So a girl puts up her hand, yes, Becky, what's your story?
So Becky stands up.
She goes, my dad works for the hatchery here in town, and what happens was he
got about
15 eggs, and he put them all in one basket, all the same basket.
So he put all his eggs in one basket, and he put it on the horse and buggy and
drove back
home, and by God, Becky says, the bouncing and all the eggs broke.
Well, that's a good story, the teacher says, but what would the moral be to
that?
Becky says, well, the moral is, don't put all your eggs into one basket.
Well, God damn, says the teacher, that's a good one.
Anybody else?
Marjorie puts up her hand.
Marjorie, what's your story?
She says, well, my dad works for the hatchery, as most, all of us.
Thank God for the hatchery.
She says that we'd all be lost.
But anyways, my dad knows that eggs become chickens, and so he was counting his
chickens, and he
added in the eggs, you see.
And then he put them on a horse and buggy to go to town, and they all broke.
Well, what's the lesson to that?
The teacher says she counted it out.
And she says, well, don't count your chickens before they hatch out of an egg.
So the teacher says, that's a great one, too.
Anybody else?
Well, wouldn't you know, dirty Johnny has this hand up.
So the teacher's like, holy God, I don't want it.
But on the other hand, I made an oath to every child, should I suppose I got it.
All right, dirty Johnny, what do you have to say?
Johnny stands up.
The story's about my Uncle Terry.
He never worked at the hatchery on a county he was in Vietnam, and he got
disability.
He don't even like people who work at the hatchery.
But the story happened far from these shores, in a little town called Da Nang.
Terry was not well liked.
His whole troop left him, abandoned.
And he woke up, and the weeds, and all they left him with was three bottles of
Jack Daniels,
some weapons.
Terry stood up, down one bottle right away, said, if I'm going out, I'm going
out.
And he took his Belishnikov and a couple of Glocks, and his two bottles, and
away he went.
He found a town.
And he didn't know if it was Charlie or if it was one he was sent to protect.
But all he knew was he had hate in his gut.
So he started firing.
And he fired the Kalishnikov with an arcing, kind of, like a farmer would with
hay, with a scythe.
And sure enough, the men fell like hay before him.
And then the women, and by God, I'm ashamed to say it, but then the children.
And finally, all that was left was Uncle Terry, standing in the mud and the
blood and the glory.
And he touched his pants, and there was a, it was wet, and he said he was
ashamed.
He felt shame, Uncle Terry, for he pissed himself.
Well, he touched it again, and it was not urine at all, but ejaculate.
And Uncle Terry felt pride, where shame once was.
And the teacher's like, good Christ, what kind of a story is that?
What the hell is the moral to that?
Well, he says, when Uncle Terry's been drinking, you don't fuck with him.
Now, especially if you work at the hatchery, you know, listen.
So listen, guys, this has been fun, hasn't it?
This has been fun.
This has been good.
It saves me a trip to my senile uncle.
So that's...