Name: Norm Trolling SNL and the Cast
Uploaded: 2023-01-13T14:21:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Trolling SNL and the Cast' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Trolling SNL and the Cast' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-13. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, Norm MacDonald.
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, thank you very much. You're very kind. You know in the, uh, what's that?
Oh, yeah, no. No, you're absolutely right. That is my name.
You know, when the people, when the people here ask me to do the show, you know,
I gotta say, I felt kind of weird, you know.
I don't know if you remember this, but I used to actually be on this show, you
know.
I used to do the weekend update news routine. You remember that?
And, uh, yeah. That's where I did the make-believe news jokes, you know.
That was me, right?
So then, a year and a half ago, right, I had a sort of a disagreement with the
management at, uh, at the NBC.
Uh, I wanted to keep my job, right?
And they felt the exact opposite.
So.
So, you see, they, like, uh, they fired me because they said that I wasn't
funny, you know.
Now, now with most jobs, I could have had a hell of a lawsuit on my hands for
that, but, but see, this is a comedy show.
So they got me, you know, you don't want it.
You don't want it.
But now, this is the weird part, right?
It's only a year and a half later, and now they asked me to host the show.
So I wondered, I go, hey, wait a second here.
Hey!
I go, how did I go in a year and a half from being not funny enough to be even
allowed in the building?
To being so funny that I'm now hosting the show.
How did I suddenly get so damn funny?
It was inexplicable to me because a year and a half, let's face it, is not
enough time for a dude to learn how to be funny.
Then it occurred to me.
I haven't gotten funnier.
The show has gotten really bad.
So yeah, I'm funny compared to, you know, well, you'll see later.
Okay, so let's recap.
The bad news is, I'm still not funny.
The good news is, the show blows.
All right, folks, we got a bad show for you tonight.
Dr. Dre, Snoop Doggy Dogg, and Eminem are here.
We'll be right back.
We all had to pitch to Lorne, and then I realized early that I would blow, I
would pitch all like my real ideas and like, I wanted to impress everybody.
And I would give like, and then this happens, and then this is the joke, and
then this is, and the big twist is this.
So then when it got to the table for table read in front of like 40 people, no
one laughed because I did the sketch in the room.
And then I realized like, a couple months in, there was the art of the fake
pitch.
And like, Kevin Nealon and Norm MacDonald, it was like a contest every week to
see who could come up with the fucking weirdest fake pitch that the host
believed was actually happening.
And the rest of the room knew, we all knew it wasn't, Lorne knew it wasn't.
That's awesome.
But I remember like, Kevin Nealon every week would do two fake pitches and go,
also I have this idea where you live at the top of one of those runaway truck
ramps, you know?
In your house all the way up there, and just like, yeah, it's like dinner time,
a truck come flying through your house, man.
And the host would go, yeah, this is funny.
I mean, but every week, and we would all just be laughing so hard, and the host
is looking around like, yeah, that is funny, right?
But we're laughing because the host is a fucking moron.
And then Norm, I remember, it was Bob Newhart goes, ah, I got this idea.
People always confused literally and figuratively.
A guy will go, hey, how was that movie you just saw, you know?
Oh my God, it was so funny, I literally laughed my head off.
But hey, you know, he's got a head still.
And Bob Newhart just stared at Norm like, that's the stupidest shit I ever
heard.
And then Norm, like a dog with a chew toy, was like, I'm not leaving this room
until...
Lock the door is like a prison movie.
He's gonna break them?
Like, yeah.
And he goes, or you go, hey, how's your wife?
Well, she literally died when she got your message.
She literally dropped dead right there on the floor.
She's died.
She literally died.
And he's moving like closer.
Did Newhart break at a certain point?
Yeah, eventually.
He's just fucking...
And then that week, Norm did a sketch where he was Charles Kuralt.
And he was the only...
It was just Charles Kuralt alone talking to camera.
And we're all like, in full Charles Kuralt makeup, unrecognizable.
And you're like, his fake sketches were better than anything I ever actually
got on air.
He's amazing, isn't he?
He's an amazing guy.
He is amazing.
He's so...
Norm MacDonald's story.
We were filming a sketch.
Now, when we first got Sunday Live, Norm MacDonald sat us all down, the cast.
And he goes, listen, listen, I'm the update guy, okay?
Now, if I want to do a sketch, I'm like the star.
And I don't want it, but I'm getting it on.
Don't write any of your sketches and put me in them.
Don't put me in your gay sketches.
That's what he said.
He goes, but if I'm doing a sketch, it's getting on.
All right.
Two years later, he doesn't do any sketches.
He just does the update.
Pamela...
Pamela Anderson comes up.
Now, whenever a beautiful woman would come on,
Chris Kattan would always write a sketch where he gets to make out with the
girl.
And he'd always over flirt with her like, "Oh, my God, you're so sexy. You're
hot. I want to set you up. Think you're cute. I want to go on a date. Are you
single? I want to be hot. You're sexy."
Which was weird, because I always swore that he lived in the closet. Not that I
care.
No, no, no. I'm just saying, I always, you know, you're like, "Are you sure?"
You can tell me if you want. I just, because he was very, you know, he's very
flamboyant and he would always bring up gay in conversation.
Which was, to me, weird. You know, it's like, you're like, "Oh, my God, I was
watching football. I don't know. It just started making me feel gay. Ever feel
that way?"
Not really. But if it makes you, you know, all right. And that's, and I took
that as a hint, you know, 'cause, like, a pot smoker will hang out with a group
and they'll go, and there's always one that drops the little hint to test the
crowd.
You know, like, "Yeah, so if we go out tonight, it'd be weird. You know, I don't
really smoke pot, but, you know, maybe tonight someone's got nothing."
But I would never do that, you know, 'cause it's weird. It's drugs and stuff.
But you automatically know, like, "Oh, okay. He's looking for, I'll talk to you
when no one's around."
So I didn't know if Catan was that guy, like, "Oh, that guy," 'cause he'd say
it a lot. He'd be like, "Oh, my God. I was on an airplane. I don't know. I just
felt gay."
Not me, but, you know, whatever. Knock it out.
Pamela Anderson. She's on the show. And she goes on, and we're getting ready to
do a sketch.
Now, when we read a sketch, we try it out on Wednesday. Wednesday, you want to
read it, sell it, and try to get it to be picked up to work on for the week.
Now, Norm MacDonald is playing the guy from "The Twilight Zone." Don't know her,
I don't remember his name, but the sketch is like,
"If you will, another place in time, welcome to the Twilight Zone."
So, but Norm, this is how he reads the sketch.
He goes, "Hey, uh, imagine if you will, you know, another place in time.
Twilight Zone. Yeah, pig faces."
Well, they pick the sketch up, and they put me, Catan, and Sherry Oteri in the
sketch, okay?
Now, it's Saturday. It's Saturday. The day of the show. We go on the floor, and
if Catan wasn't starring in a sketch, he'd start nitpicking at other cast
members.
And then he started busting on Norm. He's like, "Oh my God, Norm! Jesus! You
don't even sound like the guy! You're not gonna get picked up! Why are you
acting that way? I mean, sound like the guy!"
"Pamela, you're so hot! You're so sexy! Tommy Lee! I'm bigger than Tommy Lee!
Me and you can hang out with fuckface!"
"God, Norm! Norm, you're awful! Sound like him!"
And the whole time, I'm looking at Norm like, "You're not gonna do anything? I've
seen you be so rude, you're like, you're not gonna, you're not gonna say
something like Catan? You're gonna let him pick on you?"
And he's just looking at us like, "Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh."
Nothing happens. Now, now's the dress show. On Saturday Live, there's a live
show, and there's a dress show. The dress show, they film the whole show.
God forbid something happens, they have a show in the can. But also, they do a
lot of sketches, because you're trying to get on. Sketches are gonna get cut.
And then you only see the live version.
So we're working our ass off for the dress show. Packed crowd. Ready to go.
One minute. One minute for the Twilight Zone. Norm MacDonald, Chris Kattan, Jim
Brewer, Sherry O' Terry to the floor.
We get on the floor. There's a crowd. Our mics are on. Swear to God, Kattan's
going, "God, Norm! Why'd you hear this guy?"
She's terrible. I can do impression better. "Did you work on it?"
Pamela, you're so hot. I'm gonna suck your face and rub up against you. And me
and you, we're gonna hang out and suck your face.
You go in the party, we're gonna hump and hang out and dry hump your leg of the
party.
Thirty seconds.
God, Norm, you're never gonna get this. God, try. Aren't you guys concerned? We're
not gonna get on the air.
Ten seconds.
Two seconds. I'm gonna bang out and I'm gonna feel you and I'm gonna rub up
against your butt and hot and...
Hot and hot and...
Go!
Norm MacDonald, "Eh, uh, imagine if you, you know, another place in time, you
know?"
I have to go, "I can't believe this is where you want to try to knock it out."
And he just let it go like that. Now, when the show's over, you walk into Lorne
Michaels' room.
And when you go in there, there's a billboard that shows you what sketches are
on.
And when we walk in...
Go ahead, I'll wait for you.
When we walk in...
Take your time, take your time, it's over there.
And, um...
When we first walk in, it says the Twilight Zone sketch.
I'm like, "Wow, how did that make it?"
I...
So here we are.
Live show.
Monologue.
Pamela Anderson comes out.
First show of the...
First sketch of the night.
One minute, one minute for kickoff of the show.
Jim Brewers, Sherry O'Derry, Chris Kattan, Will Ferrell...
No, no, Will Ferrell.
Norm MacDonald.
So we get there.
Live show.
One minute to live on the air.
Kattan starts.
God, Norm.
You're like terrible.
We got one minute.
You're gonna sound terrible.
On national television.
Don't you care?
My God.
You don't even care?
Don't you feel gay?
God.
What's wrong with you?
And I can't believe...
Like, I'm getting mad that he's trying to throw Norm off his game.
He's on live TV.
And then...
Oh my God, Pamela, you're going to the party.
You're hot.
I'm gonna set you up.
30 seconds.
God, Norm.
Wait to hear him.
It's terrible.
Why don't you stay at the update desk?
20 seconds.
Pamela, you're so hot.
15 seconds.
Norm had a cigarette.
Puts it out.
10 seconds.
Hey, uh, Kattan.
By the way, if everyone didn't know, Kattan's gay.
But he doesn't tell anyone he's gay.
And that's why he's this angry little bitch.
And he just takes it out on everyone.
And he tries to hit on Pamela Anderson, who you know would never be with you.
She went, "Tommy Lee."
Five seconds.
So why don't you just come out of the closet and make you gay?
And you wouldn't live alive, you little bitch.
We're on!
Imagine if you will.
Another place in time.
So why don't you just come out of the closet and make you gay?