Name: Interview with an Unbearable Host
Uploaded: 2023-01-24T18:45:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Interview with an Unbearable Host' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Interview with an Unbearable Host' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-24. Transcript available.

Interview with an Unbearable Host

She is Darian O'Toole.
All right.
Norman Donald's here.
He's already pissed because he doesn't have green tea.
No, that's not true.
He's already mad. He's mad.
I'm not mad.
I'm disappointed.
You're a bit of a diva.
You're a bit of a diva.
What, did they have green tea upstairs?
No, I'm not a...
Is that the secret?
Is that the secret to the sucky show upstairs?
Green tea?
I'm on a cholesterol diet.
To lower my cholesterol.
Okay.
That's all.
I'm Norman Donald. I want some green tea.
I didn't say it that way.
He did.
Yes, he did.
I think you're misrepresenting.
He did. He did so.
Mike, where's Mike's on?
No, I turned it on. I turned it on myself.
Did you? Look at you.
I pressed the button that said on, and now I'm on the radio.
We've got a whole bunch of Canadians in the studio.
Yeah, it's the greatest.
There's a problem.
It's an issue. I love your haircut.
I totally...
It's nice.
I've never met you before in my entire life.
When I walked in, you said you hated my haircut.
But I feel like I was like, hey, stupid haircut.
I know.
Stupid.
It's good.
It's very short.
Yeah, yeah.
I like it short, because then you don't have to do anything with it.
You all right? You okay?
I'm great.
I just like having short hair, because then I don't have to be like a woman,
you know?
Yeah, I've been letting my hair grow, and I've got to tell you, it's tough.
Yeah.
You have to put stuff in it and deal with what it...
Yeah, I know.
Is it weird now?
It's awful.
Yeah.
Yeah, lucky Norm.
Yeah.
He has a cute face.
All right.
Norm MacDonald, 106.9 Free FM.
Hi, Norm.
Hi, Dan.
How are you?
I'm good.
Sweet.
What are we promoting?
Because you wouldn't be here if you weren't promoting something, because you
don't love me.
Yet.
Yet.
You will soon.
Michael's promoting something.
What is Michael promoting?
Hi, everybody.
This is Michael Gelbart.
I'm featuring for Norm MacDonald.
Oh, this is awful.
Norm MacDonald's headlining.
You're like...
I'm just saying what we're doing.
I'm just saying what we're doing.
We're in San Jose at the Improv.
Oh, see.
And Norm said, hey, you want to come do this radio show?
And I said, yeah, Free FM, 106.9.
The poor thing, though, he had to do the crappy ones first.
Yeah, well, one of them I didn't.
I know.
One of them I...
It made me skip the next one.
That's how much I hated the first one.
No, I don't.
I loved them all.
No, you didn't.
No, you did not.
You're trying to instigate.
You did not.
I am instigating, because you said it out loud.
You're like, oh, good Lord.
No, I liked it.
Oh, damn.
She's the girl, the nice girl.
She's awful.
She asked me out.
She's terrible.
She gave me her card.
No, she didn't do anything.
She's a lovely...
She's awful.
No, there was a couple of things.
She said she didn't like my hair, and she said she didn't like my clothing on
the air.
Really?
That hurt a little, but not that much.
Are you okay, though?
And then she made me sing a karaoke song, you know?
Yeah, well, that's what they do.
We're on the air right now.
It's Friday.
It's crazy.
It's zany, funny Friday.
I liked the guy with the tattoos.
I thought he was a great guy.
No, I liked them all, but the one guy was my favorite.
He laughed at everything I said.
The guy who doesn't have a name, he laughed at everything.
But he's still a good guy, you know?
We love him.
We love him.
So, yeah, we're doing these shows.
Someday, we'll name him.
Just for fun.
Norm invited me to come, and I think this interview's going really well.
Norm's reading.
I'm reading the British news.
Norm's just grateful I'm picking up the slides.
He's like, as long as other people are talking, I can sit back.
He so doesn't care.
No, I'm reading the breaking news, and Rocker...
What's going on in the world, Norm?
Well, Rocker Henry Rollins has said that Baghdad is safer than my hometown.
I guess his hometown is like the worst place in the world or something.
What's he from, Louisiana?
Where is he from?
Where is he from?
You really are reading the breaking news.
Oh, he's from Santa Barbara.
Oh, well...
No, Santa Barbara is way safer than Baghdad.
I would say.
Yeah, I would say so.
Santa Barbara, like, nothing bad ever happens.
Did Michael Jackson live in Santa Barbara, though?
Never.
No.
No, no.
Because I thought he was from there.
No, that's Santa Monica, isn't it?
No, Michael Jackson?
Neverland Ranch was in Santa...
I don't know.
I don't know.
It wasn't Santa Barbara.
I'm making it up, even.
But Henry Rollins, I always thought he was good.
Is Norm even here?
Yeah, he mentioned Henry Rollins.
Well, you guys are shutting me out.
No, you want to join in?
You're having your little love fest.
Let me tell you something about Norm MacDonald.
I've worked with the best, and he's my favorite.
Why do all of your TV shows suck?
What happens?
What goes wrong?
With what?
Because you're so funny.
I adore you.
With what?
What goes wrong with what?
Your TV shows.
Well, here's the thing.
You tried, like, the ABC thing.
What the hell was that called?
It was awful.
I'm a stand-up comedian, right?
You thought the Norm show was awful?
It was terrible.
I am a stand-up comedian.
Yeah, you are.
And I'm a very good stand-up comedian.
So, when you're a...
We all know what we're good at.
Yeah.
I'm a great stand-up comedian.
I'm a great stand-up comedian.
So, what happens is, in Hollywood, if you're a great stand-up comedian, they go,
how would you like to do a horrible movie?
And how would you like to be terrible in a bad sitcom?
No, I love the movie.
It's the way it goes.
The movie?
I thought it was funny.
I wrote the movie.
It's weird.
Did you write that?
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
What's weird is...
The movie was very funny.
Show business is the only place where, if you're successful in show business,
people
think in the street it's okay to tell you your stuff sucks, but no one goes to
some
doctor and says, like, my God, you, like, that guy died in surgery.
You're, like, the worst doctor, or even, like, you know...
Exactly.
Even if you live...
But when you do something out loud, people, like, people, people come in and
say, you
know what, you suck.
Yeah.
You're, like, every day.
I don't know if that's so fair, like, I get every day, like, Darian, you suck.
Or, like, to go up to some teacher and go, you're the worst teacher in the
whole world.
You're the worst accountant ever.
You can't even count.
Dan in Fremont.
You want to talk to Darian O'Toole and Norm MacDonald, who's incredibly shy?
He's so cute.
Hi, Darian.
Hi, Dan.
Hi, how are you?
Welcome to 106.9 Free FM.
Love your show.
Love to do you.
I mean...
Oh, well.
Now, Norm, I saw Norm last night.
He was...
He made me cry.
He was so funny.
Yeah, he is.
Aw.
He's so cute.
The joke's about death.
I mean, you could say something like that makes it hilarious.
Nothing funnier than death.
Nothing funnier than dying.
The heart attack stuff, oh, man, it made me cry, Norm.
Thank you very much.
That's nice.
That's all I had to say.
Keep up the good work.
Love the show.
Thanks, Sally.
All right, thanks.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, Dan.
You're so shy.
You're like, oh, thank you very much.
To me, Darian, death is funny because...
Let me tell you a little story, Darian.
Okay, do that.
I did stand-up.
I did stand-up for a long time.
You're very good at it.
And I used to be very good at it, now I'm great at it.
But I happened upon Sam Kinison, who is a comic genius.
I love him, yeah.
And so I was doing...
He was amazing.
I was doing bits about dogs and cats and so forth.
And he told me...
So forth.
He told me, you can talk about anything you want on stage.
He said, what are you most interested in?
Just talk about what you're most interested in.
And I'm not really interested in dogs or cats or socks or laundry or anything
like that.
Me neither.
What I'm obsessed with is death.
Really?
Obsessed?
Absolutely.
Are you really?
Yeah.
Huh.
Because...
Why be?
Why?
Why?
Because it's a natural thing to be obsessed with.
No, Norm, it's not.
Oh, yes it is.
No, no.
No, Norm.
No, it's not.
People live in a denial of death.
People live...
I have faced death.
People live...
I've been dead.
Did you know that?
No, I didn't.
Yeah, I was.
What happened?
I was dead.
Literally, I was dead.
No, you weren't literally dead.
Seriously, I died.
I died on the table.
Well, that...
For like 36 seconds, whatever it was.
Well, but you weren't dead.
I was.
I came back...
Seriously.
No, for real.
No, seriously.
I was dead.
Wow.
I know.
See?
Well, go ahead.
But since then...
See, look, now Norm MacDonald cares.
Now he gives a rat's ass.
Wait.
A minute ago, he's like another stupid radio show.
So, doesn't that...
Isn't that an interesting...
Don't you find that a very interesting part of your life?
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
More than cats and dogs and stuff like that?
Definitely more than cats and dogs.
It's defining.
It is.
It's defining.
But you don't...
But you know what?
I didn't have like...
There was no...
I was expecting like something.
Like the fires of hell or the...
Some angels, people, something.
I got nothing.
I had nothing.
You didn't die long enough.
That happens in 45 seconds.
See?
You were nine seconds from the great stuff.
I always come this close.
Yeah.
I never just get it.
Everyone knows it happens at 45.
That's great.
That's what...
See, that's interesting.
Norm's impressed now that I've been dead.
No, I love that.
But did it change you?
Norm is finally interested to be here.
No.
He's like, well...
Because you've just...
Chick's been dead.
You've just admitted that that was a defining moment in your life.
No, but afterwards, did it change you at all?
So, you two are very interested in death.
I am.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We all are.
We all are.
We really are.
It hinders us.
You have to look...
He's scary.
You're scary.
You have to look...
No, you're looking at me like you're a freaking zombie.
You're scary.
Because he's the undead.
I would go for that undead of a vampire.
Really?
Yeah.
Would you?
If you had a choice?
If there was a vampire?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'd take the deal.
You would do it?
Yeah, instead of dying.
You really would?
Absolutely.
In a second.
Because it's the only thing I don't want to do.
You know what's crazy?
He's not kidding.
No, but here's the thing.
There's something wrong with this guy.
If you're going to become a vampire, but you know you're close to death, but
you're like
95, then you become the vampire.
Right.
But you don't want to do it at like 30-something.
No, because that's the deal.
They're going to deal with their whole...
Let me tell you this.
Everyone wants to live forever.
Everyone.
Would you agree with that?
I would agree with that, yeah.
No one wants to die.
No one wants to...
We don't want...
Nobody wants to die.
We don't want to die.
Dying sucks.
It's not fun.
Right.
No.
No fun.
And so, by precedent, we think we are going to die.
And so then...
Norm MacDonald says on 106.9 Free FM, dying sucks.
Yeah.
It's revolutionary.
And it's always there.
It's always in the back of your head.
And it stops us from doing things we want to do.
There's like that fear.
He's not kidding.
There's something wrong with this dude.
No, there's nothing wrong with...
I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with him.
I...
People are obsessed with death, and he's just one of those people.
All right.
All right.
Ben.
Ben wants to talk to you.
Ben and Livermore.
Hello?
You're on the air with Darian, 106.9 Free FM.
And Norm MacDonald, who's creepy.
Hello?
He's just creepy.
I would think it would be creepy a guy who wanted to die.
You're creepy.
You're creepy.
The guy who wanted to die would be creepy.
Hi, Ben.
Hey, what's going on?
Not much.
How are you, pal?
I'm doing well.
See, now he's friendly.
Look at him.
Because, you know, you're talking about death and everything like that.
Yeah.
And I think it's kind of ironic but awesome the same time that you play death
on The Family
Guy.
Oh, yeah.
I just played death.
Oh, yeah.
You did.
You did.
That's right.
You played the Grim Reaper.
That was very funny.
Every time an episode comes on where you're o