Name: Super Dave is a Master of Acting Offended
Uploaded: 2023-02-20T13:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Super Dave is a Master of Acting Offended' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Super Dave is a Master of Acting Offended' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-20. Transcript available.

Here's the thing, my favorite story of all time is Pistorius.
Oh, yes, yes.
The runner.
Tell who Pistorius is.
Well, you know who Pistorius is.
No, but for the viewers that don't know.
Well, Pistorius doesn't know.
Well, the viewers that don't know.
He's a South African gentleman.
Well, some viewers don't know.
Well, he should tell it to some of the viewers that don't know who Pistorius is.
Yeah, Pistorius is an Olympic runner who ran with blades.
Everyone knows who he is.
Well, I wouldn't say ran with blades.
I didn't ask you what you would say right now.
I mean, no, that's true.
I am a drug.
Okay, listen.
What about that Dormer, this guy who killed the cops?
Yeah, explain to the folks.
I don't want to explain anything.
If you're going to say that after everything I say, I'm going to leave.
No, I've heard people say that.
Because this is the cheapest thing I've ever been involved in.
No, I've heard people say that.
If I didn't love you, I would be so gone now.
I can't thank you.
I've heard people say that.
Explain to the folks who that is.
Dormer.
Dormer, yes.
Christopher Dormer.
Okay.
Explain to the folks who he was.
He's six feet tall.
He was the African-American.
African-American, great-looking guy.
His arms are like this.
He can't take a bad picture.
Even his mugshot was great.
You know, I went to a tennis match at Indian Wells.
Yeah.
And I saw Rafael Nadal play.
He's my favorite.
Rafael Nadal.
Explain to the folks who Rafael Nadal is.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
No, he, of course, Rafael Nadal.
I'll explain.
Rafael Nadal is a tennis player.
Only 26, but seemingly beyond his prime.
Great player.
Abs, like.
Great player.
But here's the thing.
You like his abs?
I think that if Kim Kardashian were to go to Vegas, she could do Carrot Top's
act and take
things out of her ass.
That's what Nadal reminded me of.
That's a pretty solid idea.
Yeah.
Wait, I don't understand that.
I don't either, but I just, I don't respect that idea.
Well, you know, Carrot Top takes things out of a trunk.
Yeah, oh, I see.
She could take it out.
Am I going to have to explain everything to you?
No, to the folks.
Explain who Kim Kardashian is.
Go ahead.
Never mind.
Because I think the joke was predicated on knowing that she has a big ass.
Wasn't it?
People don't know that.
Young people don't, no.
Everybody knows that.
Have you seen the pictures of her?
Yeah, two weeks ago.
He showed them to me.
Your ass-wife producer just held up a sign.
Let's take a break.
Where are we going?
We're talking to six people.
You know, we could get on a bus right now, the three of us, and yell out the
window and
reach more people.
A little side thing about that show.
I'm going to tell you two quick stories, okay?
One, the first Super Dave we ever did, I was on the CN Tower.
It's the tallest structure in the world.
And I was going to jump.
Yeah.
But I yelled down, which was five miles.
I like that you told the folks what CN Tower was.
Yeah.
You know, this can be your kind of thing.
Can I tell you, this reminds me a little bit of Mike Douglas.
Really?
And I'm going to tell you the greatest talk show in the history of talk shows
was Mike Douglas.
Mike Douglas.
And his co-host was Slott.
Now, people are going to think that's Michael Douglas.
You should probably explain to the folks.
Well, who's watching?
Is this in the United States?
Well, I'll explain.
Yeah, no, don't explain everything.
Mike Douglas.
Oh, you just take everything out of it.
There's no sense being here.
I'm saying to the folks at home that Mike Douglas was a talk show host, someone
in the vein of Merv Griffin.
He was a singer.
Call me when you're through, because I forgot what I was talking about.
Okay.
And he had a talk show, which is John Biner and a bunch of Canadian actors.
It's a great show.
Went six years.
The first series in the history of cable.
No, I know.
I wasn't saying it was an epithet.
I meant I liked it.
Don't use epithet when you don't know what it means.
We went over words before this show, and I asked you, do you know what epithet
means?
You said no.
And now you use it.
But let me ask you this, though.
No, let me go on with this story.
Oh, was there a story?
Bizarre was a variety show.
Adam Inger told me something I didn't know.
He said you worked with Red Fox on a variety show.
Yeah, I heard that.
I'm dying to hear.
I produced Red Fox variety.
You told me he just worked on it.
Worked on it.
Well, that's, I mean, according to your Wikipedia.
What do you think I was, a stagehand, you douchebag?
Worked on it.
It's not the first time I've been called a douchebag today.
I want you back on drugs.
I'm serious.
I want you back on stuff so you know.
I'm misclose.
I'm going to do a shot next break.
No, no, no, no.
It's true.
I'm just teasing.
No, no, he's kidding you.
He's kidding.
No, I clearly.
But did you have a question?
Yeah, yeah.
Two quick Red Fox stories, okay?
Yeah.
We're meeting at his house.
Red Fox, for those of you who don't know.
Oh, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Was played, of course, most people know him as Sanford and Sanford.
He played Fred Sanford.
Right, right.
Which was his father's actual man.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, if I had steroids, I'd take them right now.
Steroids?
Yes, I would take them right now.
Just so my arms would pump up, I'd get you in a headlock and pop your head.
Oh, my goodness gracious.
He's got a point.
I've never heard such a thing.
Well, it said never on a talk show before.
A guest on a talk show host?
Yeah.
Nothing was said like that to Dick Cavett.
No.
Tell them who Dick Cavett is.
Oh, well, Dick Cavett is...
No, no, no, forget it.
It's not worth it.
All right, the door's going to open.
And there's the...
Oh, that's the...
Oh, wait, that's not...
That's the quote.
We should explain to the folks that that was Michael Jackson.
Let's explain who Michael Jackson is to the people.
I don't know who's Michael Jackson.
What, are you, retarded?
You know, I would rather do a show with a...
Look.
I would rather do...
In the middle of your story.
I'd rather do a show with a signer.
I'm serious, for the death.
I'm in the middle of your story.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You told me, let's take a break.
I'll show you a break.
Let's take a break.
Well, what do we take a break for?
This isn't a television show.
Sponsors?
Yeah, we got...
We don't have sponsors.
This is the first time you've been on.
I got sponsors.
Where do you get your ideas from?
Oh, I mean...
Why didn't you answer his question?
What was his question?
Ask him now.
Don't ask that again.
That was the dumbest guy question I've ever heard.
You just want to know where you got your ideas from?
Yeah, I got to tell you where I got it.
At Ralph's.
That's where I got it.
Any particular Ralph's?
Yes, no, it's at Beverly Hills Ralph's.
Okay.
Got it in the meat section.
The one on Beverly.
Beverly Drive, okay.
Well, I guess it does.
That was sure cut together great, by the way.
You got to crack staff.
Maybe allow the blind man to do other work, okay, than edit.
He should be outside begging for money so we have more money instead of this.
Did you see this?
Cardboard piece of s***.
Explain to the folks.
Explain to what's going on.
That Super Dave is addressing Daniel Kelison, the producer.
Oh, yes.
Daniel Kelison, our trusty producer.
Who I think has done a great job, personally.
Oh, suck his s***, because you're not coming back unless you do, okay?
Researchers at Harvard found that one in every ten U.S. deaths is a result of
too much salt consumption.
Now, I smoke like a chimney.
You do, really?
I do.
I'm a terrible driver.
I've dated some women that probably own guns.
A lot of things would have to go very, very right for me to die of salt.
The only thing I can pray for is that I die of salt and not, you know, begging
for mercy.
So, I think that's nonsense.
That people should be afraid of too much salt.
Now, I know you eat a lot of salt, though, Norm.
We were discussing this earlier.
And, uh...
You know what it's like?
What's the word?
It's like I'm in a drag race car, and I just left the line, and I'm told that
there's something wrong with the f***ing motor.
And I've got to put an emergency brake on at 90 miles an hour, okay?
And I'm sliding all over the goddamn track, out of control.
All of a sudden, we're doing meet the press.
All the humor's gone.
Everything is gone.
Who gives a s*** if you're...
Did you show a clip about dying of salt?
But he had all those jokes, Lauren.
They're not jokes.
That he had salt trouble with other things, and if he had salt, it was...
You get that part?
I got some of it.
Entertainment news.
This is something you guys both wanted to discuss.
Get to it.
Let's roll the clip.
Oh, not another one.
Oh, yeah.
You know what?
There is no clip.
He said, let's roll the clip, and it's a picture.
This show is just so...
I tell you, even the prisoners are going back to the...
Well, I'll explain what's going to take a break.
But this guy is doing a talk show for 22 people.
He should have his own show on a network, and if anybody is listening, put him
on a network.
Yeah, that's nice.
Yeah, that was really nice.
Because what about Adam Egan?
Yes, I like him.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
I swear to God, I think after this show, a bus is going to come and take Adam
with a lot of dangerous people back to the home.
And he's going to be sedated, and they're going to take his balls off.
This is the section where we do jokes.
Do you want to read one?
Just read it to that camera for the folks.
No, no, out loud.
You have to read it out loud.
No, he didn't.
Oh, here, you read it.
All right.
You don't like that one, either?
No, I mean, I like it.
Do you understand that we're on the air?
Yeah.
Oh, right.
We all know that the Swiss are officially neutral.
Who wrote this?
Who wrote this?
Who wrote this?
Well, I screwed up my timing.
Who wrote this?
We don't have a name on it.
Do you have writers?
It's anonymous.
I didn't write it.
I don't want to say it.
Well, I didn't write that one.
This one says, remember the old days when tweeting meant stabbing a hooker?
Bob liked that one.
Super Dave, why is there an app for everything except how to rape a baby?
Oh, Jesus.
Some gold-plated chains would make a nice retirement gift for a very, very good
slave.
Are you serious?
Well, this was written-
Are you serious?
This was written years ago.
Did you just write that?
I didn't write it.
Did you just say that?
No, I read it.
Yes.
You read that?
It was an old, it was written obviously.
Oh my God Almighty, I'm not part of this.
No, it was written before-
No, I'm not part of this.
No, you can't read that.
Well, we could nip March Madness in the bud if we watch for the warning signs
of brooding,
anti-social February fever.
Who is writing this?
You're doing this, this is your life.
You're putting your life on, you dress like horse shit tonight.
No, that was Adam Egan's fault.
No, I don't care, you should have worn some kind of a hose coat.
But that was Adam Egan's fault.
You've got a thing with a hood.
But that was Adam Egan's fault.
But then you're reading these, this is you.
Can you find out what the quickest way is to the Santa Monica freeway, please?
And don't call me again.
Super Dave.
I don't care about anything.
You don't call me again.
There's no last minute fill in.
There's nothing.
Okay?
Thank God we're only reaching 50 people.
That's all I can tell you.
Sure, junkyard dogs are mean, but the meanest dogs are generally found guarding
concentration camps.
And it says here, there's a note, early versions of the Jim Croce's 1973 smash
hit Big Bad Leroy Brown.
Do you remember that song?
Tell the people the best.
No, do you know what you just said?
Do you have any idea what you just read?
This says.
No, did you have any idea what you just read?
It was an anti-Semitic joke about the concentration camps.
No, no, no, no.
Not anti-Semitic at all.
Oh, it's Semitic?
No.
You know, I know what the problem is.
Did you write it?
I didn't write that.
Who wrote it?
They used the meanest dogs.
I don't know who wrote it.
But I think the problem is that some people might not know what the
concentration camps are.
Oh, concentration camps were found in Poland.
Oh, my God.
Oh, fucking mighty.
Oh, my Christ almighty.
Please get my nurse.
I swear to God, get her in here right now.
I'm trying to explain to the folks.
You know what?
This is your first show, and these are the...
Well, I don't want to bring up the systemic, you know, extermination attempt
against the
Jewelry of Europe, but this says on this piece of paper that bad, bad Leroy
Brown initially
included the line, meaner than a concentration camp dog, but Croce decided it
was unpleasant
to the ear, and it was also offensive to Jews, gypsies, and homosexuals.
Little did it matter, Croce would be dead within the ear.
That's what I'm going to do tomorrow.
I'm going to watch The Fucking View.
The View?
That's what I'm going to do.
How dare you.
How dare you.
That's where I'm going to get my humor from.
You told me you didn't like The View.
But I'm watching it tomorrow.
You told me you didn't like it.
I never told you that.
Oh, you liked it?
I told you they're my favorite of all time.
And Barbara Walters is never leaving.
She's 83, and she had chicken pox.
Can you believe that?
Yeah.
Wouldn't you love to see her at chicken pox?
No.
No?
At 83, at night, in the negligee, coming out of the bathroom.
Wouldn't she get shingles then?
No, no.
If you get chicken pox, you can get shingles.
Yeah.
But she hasn't gotten them yet.
Yeah.
What a group that is.
Oh, my God.
I heard she got cut.
It's just too hard to move when you're standing right there.
It's just too hard to walk away and leave you like that.
Can we give it one more night?
Just one more night?
And in the...
Sounds like he's dying.
Hello?
Hello?
Super Dave.
Can you hear a Super Dave?
Hello?
Can you smell him?
Yeah.
What a f*** up connection.
Are you on a cell phone?
What difference does it make what I'm on?
Turn off your radio.
I might as well be on a can with a string.
Super Dave.
This is so amateurish.
Super Dave, during the commercial, Kevin and I were recalling the first time
you ever met.
I don't recall anything.
This is so out of line.
Did I recall something?
Listen to me carefully.
First of all, I'm talking on an echo.
Get out of the cave.
I say something and then I hear my voice.
It's like I'm on a f***ing ship at the zoo.
Are you in the desert?
No, I'm not in Palm Springs.
I'm out.
It doesn't matter where I am.
Sounds like he needs help.
Wherever he is.
Well, Kevin Nealon is with us.
I love him.
Do you know something?
That the two of you are my favorite all-time Canadian comedians?
Do you know that I introduced you and Kevin Nealon to each other?
Yeah, I do.
I know that.
I knew a lot of things before you started doing this stupid podcast.
Do you know that I introduced you?
Listen to me now.
I have a question to ask you.
Oh, okay.
A question.
Excellent.
Okay.
Let's hear me carefully.
It has been documented that twins, when one twin gets a mosquito bite, the
other itches.
If a twin has an allergy at the other sleeve, why didn't Jared Collins...
Fortunately, we can all finish the joke.
Phone is ringing.
Soon, Super Dave should be answering from the desert.
Phone ringing right now.
Bob!
Hello?
Bob!
Super Dave!
Yeah?
Where did you go?
Were you in a grocery store?
You made a joke cut me off.
You broke away in the middle of a great joke.
No, it got disconnected.
No, they said you hung up.
No, I didn't hang up.
Go ahead and finish the joke.
You disconnected me!
Just finish the joke!
I was right in the middle of the twin setup, and then I was going to say, if
twins know
everything, how come Jared Collins didn't question his ass hurt for 23 years?
We got a good connection now.
What a bunch of sh**!
What?
Daniel Kelsen just wrote me on the monitor here, and it says, bad news, Super,
we have
to end the show.
How did he know?
How did he know when it ends?
I don't know.
Who knows when it begins or ends?
You know what?
A car just passed and I wait, which means I reach more people than you two did.
Thanks so much for calling in, Super Dave.
Please come back.
I didn't call in, asshole.
I didn't call in.
You called me.
I'm not calling into this.
Let me explain to me.
If I'm homeless, I'm not calling in.
Duly noted, Super Dave.
You understand?
You understand?
Yes.
Jesus Christ, thanks for calling in.
Sorry, Super Dave.
Okay, do me a second.
We're closing up the studio.
We're turning the lights out.
You keep talking, though.
You care?
You think I care about that?
You think when you turn the lights out, it's going to be a big difference?
I can talk all night and we'll still be reaching the same people.
Hey, let me tell you something.
Why don't you get something that is semi-professional?
You're a bunch of ass-wives.
Right now I'm getting on a bus and I'm going to scream out the window
and I'll reach 20 more people than you did tonight.
I'm telling you, don't ever call me again.
Don't ever try to get a hold of me.
I will never do this show again as long as I live.

Super Dave is a Master of Acting Offended

Here's the thing, my favorite story of all time is Pistorius.
Oh, yes, yes.
The runner.
Tell who Pistorius is.
Well, you know who Pistorius is.
No, but for the viewers that don't know.
Well, Pistorius doesn't know.
Well, the viewers that don't know.
He's a South African gentleman.
Well, some viewers don't know.
Well, he should tell it to some of the viewers that don't know who Pistorius is.
Yeah, Pistorius is an Olympic runner who ran with blades.
Everyone knows who he is.
Well, I wouldn't say ran with blades.
I didn't ask you what you would say right now.
I mean, no, that's true.
I am a drug.
Okay, listen.
What about that Dormer, this guy who killed the cops?
Yeah, explain to the folks.
I don't want to explain anything.
If you're going to say that after everything I say, I'm going to leave.
No, I've heard people say that.
Because this is the cheapest thing I've ever been involved in.
No, I've heard people say that.
If I didn't love you, I would be so gone now.
I can't thank you.
I've heard people say that.
Explain to the folks who that is.
Dormer.
Dormer, yes.
Christopher Dormer.
Okay.
Explain to the folks who he was.
He's six feet tall.
He was the African-American.
African-American, great-looking guy.
His arms are like this.
He can't take a bad picture.
Even his mugshot was great.
You know, I went to a tennis match at Indian Wells.
Yeah.
And I saw Rafael Nadal play.
He's my favorite.
Rafael Nadal.
Explain to the folks who Rafael Nadal is.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
No, he, of course, Rafael Nadal.
I'll explain.
Rafael Nadal is a tennis player.
Only 26, but seemingly beyond his prime.
Great player.
Abs, like.
Great player.
But here's the thing.
You like his abs?
I think that if Kim Kardashian were to go to Vegas, she could do Carrot Top's
act and take
things out of her ass.
That's what Nadal reminded me of.
That's a pretty solid idea.
Yeah.
Wait, I don't understand that.
I don't either, but I just, I don't respect that idea.
Well, you know, Carrot Top takes things out of a trunk.
Yeah, oh, I see.
She could take it out.
Am I going to have to explain everything to you?
No, to the folks.
Explain who Kim Kardashian is.
Go ahead.
Never mind.
Because I think the joke was predicated on knowing that she has a big ass.
Wasn't it?
People don't know that.
Young people don't, no.
Everybody knows that.
Have you seen the pictures of her?
Yeah, two weeks ago.
He showed them to me.
Your ass-wife producer just held up a sign.
Let's take a break.
Where are we going?
We're talking to six people.
You know, we could get on a bus right now, the three of us, and yell out the
window and
reach more people.
A little side thing about that show.
I'm going to tell you two quick stories, okay?
One, the first Super Dave we ever did, I was on the CN Tower.
It's the tallest structure in the world.
And I was going to jump.
Yeah.
But I yelled down, which was five miles.
I like that you told the folks what CN Tower was.
Yeah.
You know, this can be your kind of thing.
Can I tell you, this reminds me a little bit of Mike Douglas.
Really?
And I'm going to tell you the greatest talk show in the history of talk shows
was Mike Douglas.
Mike Douglas.
And his co-host was Slott.
Now, people are going to think that's Michael Douglas.
You should probably explain to the folks.
Well, who's watching?
Is this in the United States?
Well, I'll explain.
Yeah, no, don't explain everything.
Mike Douglas.
Oh, you just take everything out of it.
There's no sense being here.
I'm saying to the folks at home that Mike Douglas was a talk show host, someone
in the vein of Merv Griffin.
He was a singer.
Call me when you're through, because I forgot what I was talking about.
Okay.
And he had a talk show, which is John Biner and a bunch of Canadian actors.
It's a great show.
Went six years.
The first series in the history of cable.
No, I know.
I wasn't saying it was an epithet.
I meant I liked it.
Don't use epithet when you don't know what it means.
We went over words before this show, and I asked you, do you know what epithet
means?
You said no.
And now you use it.
But let me ask you this, though.
No, let me go on with this story.
Oh, was there a story?
Bizarre was a variety show.
Adam Inger told me something I didn't know.
He said you worked with Red Fox on a variety show.
Yeah, I heard that.
I'm dying to hear.
I produced Red Fox variety.
You told me he just worked on it.
Worked on it.
Well, that's, I mean, according to your Wikipedia.
What do you think I was, a stagehand, you douchebag?
Worked on it.
It's not the first time I've been called a douchebag today.
I want you back on drugs.
I'm serious.
I want you back on stuff so you know.
I'm misclose.
I'm going to do a shot next break.
No, no, no, no.
It's true.
I'm just teasing.
No, no, he's kidding you.
He's kidding.
No, I clearly.
But did you have a question?
Yeah, yeah.
Two quick Red Fox stories, okay?
Yeah.
We're meeting at his house.
Red Fox, for those of you who don't know.
Oh, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Was played, of course, most people know him as Sanford and Sanford.
He played Fred Sanford.
Right, right.
Which was his father's actual man.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, if I had steroids, I'd take them right now.
Steroids?
Yes, I would take them right now.
Just so my arms would pump up, I'd get you in a headlock and pop your head.
Oh, my goodness gracious.
He's got a point.
I've never heard such a thing.
Well, it said never on a talk show before.
A guest on a talk show host?
Yeah.
Nothing was said like that to Dick Cavett.
No.
Tell them who Dick Cavett is.
Oh, well, Dick Cavett is...
No, no, no, forget it.
It's not worth it.
All right, the door's going to open.
And there's the...
Oh, that's the...
Oh, wait, that's not...
That's the quote.
We should explain to the folks that that was Michael Jackson.
Let's explain who Michael Jackson is to the people.
I don't know who's Michael Jackson.
What, are you, retarded?
You know, I would rather do a show with a...
Look.
I would rather do...
In the middle of your story.
I'd rather do a show with a signer.
I'm serious, for the death.
I'm in the middle of your story.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You told me, let's take a break.
I'll show you a break.
Let's take a break.
Well, what do we take a break for?
This isn't a television show.
Sponsors?
Yeah, we got...
We don't have sponsors.
This is the first time you've been on.
I got sponsors.
Where do you get your ideas from?
Oh, I mean...
Why didn't you answer his question?
What was his question?
Ask him now.
Don't ask that again.
That was the dumbest guy question I've ever heard.
You just want to know where you got your ideas from?
Yeah, I got to tell you where I got it.
At Ralph's.
That's where I got it.
Any particular Ralph's?
Yes, no, it's at Beverly Hills Ralph's.
Okay.
Got it in the meat section.
The one on Beverly.
Beverly Drive, okay.
Well, I guess it does.
That was sure cut together great, by the way.
You got to crack staff.
Maybe allow the blind man to do other work, okay, than edit.
He should be outside begging for money so we have more money instead of this.
Did you see this?
Cardboard piece of s***.
Explain to the folks.
Explain to what's going on.
That Super Dave is addressing Daniel Kelison, the producer.
Oh, yes.
Daniel Kelison, our trusty producer.
Who I think has done a great job, personally.
Oh, suck his s***, because you're not coming back unless you do, okay?
Researchers at Harvard found that one in every ten U.S. deaths is a result of
too much salt consumption.
Now, I smoke like a chimney.
You do, really?
I do.
I'm a terrible driver.
I've dated some women that probably own guns.
A lot of things would have to go very, very right for me to die of salt.
The only thing I can pray for is that I die of salt and not, you know, begging
for mercy.
So, I think that's nonsense.
That people should be afraid of too much salt.
Now, I know you eat a lot of salt, though, Norm.
We were discussing this earlier.
And, uh...
You know what it's like?
What's the word?
It's like I'm in a drag race car, and I just left the line, and I'm told that
there's something wrong with the f***ing motor.
And I've got to put an emergency brake on at 90 miles an hour, okay?
And I'm sliding all over the goddamn track, out of control.
All of a sudden, we're doing meet the press.
All the humor's gone.
Everything is gone.
Who gives a s*** if you're...
Did you show a clip about dying of salt?
But he had all those jokes, Lauren.
They're not jokes.
That he had salt trouble with other things, and if he had salt, it was...
You get that part?
I got some of it.
Entertainment news.
This is something you guys both wanted to discuss.
Get to it.
Let's roll the clip.
Oh, not another one.
Oh, yeah.
You know what?
There is no clip.
He said, let's roll the clip, and it's a picture.
This show is just so...
I tell you, even the prisoners are going back to the...
Well, I'll explain what's going to take a break.
But this guy is doing a talk show for 22 people.
He should have his own show on a network, and if anybody is listening, put him
on a network.
Yeah, that's nice.
Yeah, that was really nice.
Because what about Adam Egan?
Yes, I like him.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
I swear to God, I think after this show, a bus is going to come and take Adam
with a lot of dangerous people back to the home.
And he's going to be sedated, and they're going to take his balls off.
This is the section where we do jokes.
Do you want to read one?
Just read it to that camera for the folks.
No, no, out loud.
You have to read it out loud.
No, he didn't.
Oh, here, you read it.
All right.
You don't like that one, either?
No, I mean, I like it.
Do you understand that we're on the air?
Yeah.
Oh, right.
We all know that the Swiss are officially neutral.
Who wrote this?
Who wrote this?
Who wrote this?
Well, I screwed up my timing.
Who wrote this?
We don't have a name on it.
Do you have writers?
It's anonymous.
I didn't write it.
I don't want to say it.
Well, I didn't write that one.
This one says, remember the old days when tweeting meant stabbing a hooker?
Bob liked that one.
Super Dave, why is there an app for everything except how to rape a baby?
Oh, Jesus.
Some gold-plated chains would make a nice retirement gift for a very, very good
slave.
Are you serious?
Well, this was written-
Are you serious?
This was written years ago.
Did you just write that?
I didn't write it.
Did you just say that?
No, I read it.
Yes.
You read that?
It was an old, it was written obviously.
Oh my God Almighty, I'm not part of this.
No, it was written before-
No, I'm not part of this.
No, you can't read that.
Well, we could nip March Madness in the bud if we watch for the warning signs
of brooding,
anti-social February fever.
Who is writing this?
You're doing this, this is your life.
You're putting your life on, you dress like horse shit tonight.
No, that was Adam Egan's fault.
No, I don't care, you should have worn some kind of a hose coat.
But that was Adam Egan's fault.
You've got a thing with a hood.
But that was Adam Egan's fault.
But then you're reading these, this is you.
Can you find out what the quickest way is to the Santa Monica freeway, please?
And don't call me again.
Super Dave.
I don't care about anything.
You don't call me again.
There's no last minute fill in.
There's nothing.
Okay?
Thank God we're only reaching 50 people.
That's all I can tell you.
Sure, junkyard dogs are mean, but the meanest dogs are generally found guarding
concentration camps.
And it says here, there's a note, early versions of the Jim Croce's 1973 smash
hit Big Bad Leroy Brown.
Do you remember that song?
Tell the people the best.
No, do you know what you just said?
Do you have any idea what you just read?
This says.
No, did you have any idea what you just read?
It was an anti-Semitic joke about the concentration camps.
No, no, no, no.
Not anti-Semitic at all.
Oh, it's Semitic?
No.
You know, I know what the problem is.
Did you write it?
I didn't write that.
Who wrote it?
They used the meanest dogs.
I don't know who