Name: Jokes You Couldn't Tell Today
Uploaded: 2023-03-02T20:49:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jokes You Couldn't Tell Today' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jokes You Couldn't Tell Today' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-02. Transcript available.

Judge Lance Ito this week barred all potential jurors from reading Faye Resnick's
controversial new book,
Nicole Brown Simpson, Diary of a Life Interrupted.
The judge also barred them from reading Faye Resnick's other new book entitled,
Judge Lance Ito is a Big Fruit.
And now it's time for Weekend Updates movie reviews.
This week I saw Interview with the Vampire.
And here's my review.
Not gay enough.
This week a court banned gays from marching in Boston's St. Patrick's Day Parade,
but they will still allow them to be beaten up by drunken Irish guys.
I'm afraid to know what you're applauding at there.
Meanwhile, Elton John continues to deny rumors that he is engaged to his tennis
racket.
Well, if I can be allowed a personal opinion, you know, I think Harrison Ford's
new mustache works.
And by works, I mean, looks really gay.
In overseas news, an attempt to lift the ban on gays serving in the British
Armed Forces has been defeated in Parliament.
This raises a difficult legal question.
How do you exactly tell if a British guy is gay?
In an interview in this month's Vanity Fair, actor Tom Cruise attempts to end
once and for all rumors that he is gay.
Meanwhile, the U.S. Army is dealing with a scandal of its own as dozens of
female recruits have charged drill instructors with sexual harassment, intimidation,
and even sexual assault.
Analysts are calling it the best argument yet for gays in the military.
Jonathan Schmitz, the Jenny Jones guest who killed his secret gay admirer
because of his fear and hatred of homosexuality,
has been sentenced to 25 years in prison.
Well, I guess that plan backfired, huh?
And it's been reported that Keanu Reeves is engaged to actress Amanda Decadina.
Asked to comment, Keanu said,
What? I thought I was gay.
I'd always heard I was gay.
Beginning in March, DC Comics will change Superman's traditional red and blue
costume to a new form-fitting bodysuit.
The problem with the old costume?
Not gay enough.
What the hell's going on in the country?
That's not Superman.
All right.
TriStar's Picture is planning a film about the 70s disco act The Village People.
While the movie will be coming out next summer, it plans to wait until
Thanksgiving to come out to its parents.
The artist formerly known as Prince says he now wants to be known as simply the
artist.
Meanwhile, I will continue to refer to him as simply the fruit.
In other music news, several major acts are on tour this month, including the
Counting Crows, Metallica, and The Fruit.
A study on weight loss revealed this week that women who participate in a
weekly diet program lost 50% more weight,
snacked less, and bought more fruits and vegetables than women in general.
Which just goes to prove my new theory.
Richard Simmons is gay.
Our top story tonight, this week, after months of speculation, sitcom star
Ellen DeGeneres finally admitted that, yes, she is gay.
Inspired by her courage, today, diet guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is
really, really, really, really, really gay.
Well, according to a new Entertainment Weekly poll, 72% of their readers say
they would not be offended if a TV show lead character were gay.
Though that figure shrinks to 1% when these same readers are reminded that
being gay can involve anal sex.