Name: Jokes You Couldn't Tell Today Part 2
Uploaded: 2023-03-03T16:00:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jokes You Couldn't Tell Today Part 2' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jokes You Couldn't Tell Today Part 2' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-03. Transcript available.

here's the problem with taking pictures yeah photographers are largely uh flamboyantly
gay
right and so then when they take a good look for them is a flamboyantly gay
look right so when they
take their picture your picture you know they want you to look flamboyantly gay
and then you're like
can i look a little less flamboyantly gay and they're like no this is good i'm
like i'm wearing
a dress well again it's tonight and tomorrow night the comedy works in larimer
square thank
you so much for touching it out without coffee this is fun thanks a lot all
right uh excellent suit
thank you yes i like that one brand new oh my let's get back over to angie and
chris please wait a
minute wait norm what is wrong norm with flamboyantly gay yeah i asked you i
asked you norm
a little close to home this morning did you see this outfit did you see this
thing this is what you
should have worn for the headshot norm come on panache it is cool huh come on
you wear that between what
he's wearing now and ending up in the dress that was halfway that is cool norm
could have worn this oh
yeah wow johnny weir called he wants his outfit down oh hey now he's talking to
you too not me i don't know
who he's talking to i don't know maybe he's talking to me because johnny weir
would look fabulous in this
look good in either one of these outfits did you meet him backstage no i haven't
i met randy travis and
i'm a huge country music fan and george jones is my favorite so this is a big
night for me do you like
do you like the do you like do you like the new country you like the old no the
new is gay
well i i'm not gay so i don't know how much of a broadway music was
and and i've been told i can't ask you a question so i don't know what i'm
supposed to do
more than we really wanted to know
and you know you kind of surprised me because you uh you did mtv beach house
recently and and you know
there's a certain kind of person you expect to show up on the mtv beach house
and i hear
we'll be right back with mtv beach house our special guest norm mcdonald
what the hell are you doing it's this
what was that it's the show on mtv right i know and it's at a beach it's in a
beach and they don't
they don't script anything like you know they they do like for anyway so the
the dude the host was
like hey norm can you wear it you mind wearing a pair of uh trunks you know
bathing trunks and i go
no i don't want to wear that you know because i'm like uh my body's like all
weird looking and
and uh all these everybody else is super hot ladies and super hot men you know
i don't you know
whatever whatever you wow an issue about that all right go ahead so i'm on the
show right so they're
saying hey come on seriously put on the trunks i'm like no man i don't want to
so then they they
think this will be funny they go hey we're going to show you a fashion show
some dudes will come out
you know and show you that you see what you think i go what so all of a sudden
these three dudes come
out right dancing around in their thongs and shorts and everything they're
wearing thongs or shorts
which are bathing trunks but some of them are like thongs where you can see
their dirty arses so
so i'm like watching it you know and i'm like oh man yeah go ahead
okay go ahead so i said you know oh yeah no i'm just trying to go oh yeah that's
funny right
and uh you do a lot of that yeah so then the guy the host he goes to this one
guy who was very very
very gay he goes what how do you know that yeah i mean he had a sign yeah he
looked very very gay
he says to this dude he says hey i'll give you 20 bucks if you lap dance uh on
norm you know what
i mean right all of a sudden this dude like hey 20 bucks i guess he didn't have
much money so it's
running towards me right so i look up here's this nude almost nude dude running
towards me right so i think
in my head okay man pretty soon the guy's gonna be writhing around on my lap
with his ass you know
and uh i don't want that on tv you know forever because no it's okay to talk
about it but you don't
want to see it yeah they videotape that and for it's there forever so meanwhile
what can i do you
know you can't hit a guy because it looks bad you know you know even though of
course a woman could hit
a naked guy running yeah sure that's okay but a man can hit him so i have to
think fast there's only a
second so i bolt i take off right you started running too yeah running down the
beach the guy catch
you or no yeah and then i had to come back on there like oh mr homophobic i
want won't let a guy grind
his ass in the air
where do you live here of course in the city because you're doing the show i
live in new york city yeah
this isn't a police interrogation are you sure where about what where in the
city do you live
approximately not specifically i live at 56 between 8th and broadway
okay and what's your phone number just give me seven digits all right uh did uh
what your neighbors
nice people the people that live around great people i every day i meet
somebody new you know
this city's great because uh of the neighborly people you know i don't know but
i did meet one
neighbor interesting story you know that uh this guy just moved in you know
next door to me so i'm
always one to to meet the neighbors yeah you like to chat with the neighbors
yeah because you know
so uh i uh i went over to the guy knocked on the door next door to where i live
and i say to the guy
i said hey i'm your new neighbor you know and i said uh good to see you you
know nice to nice to run
into you you know i welcome to the the neighborhood you know and so the guy i
said what do you do for a
living there sir you know if you don't mind me asking you know what do you do
for a living i'm a
i'm a nightclub comic i tell the guy so he says to me he says i'm a i worked
down at the university of
uh science there he says i'm a uh i'm a um that's a good school by the way i
can't remember the exact
place sure uh he says i uh i'm a professor of logic oh so he says the guy says
logic now what the hell
is that i never heard tell of that he says oh well he says it's a kind of a
pattern of uh syllogistic
uh well he says it's hard to explain he says uh uh why don't i give you an
example so i said fair
enough why don't you do that so the guy says well he says let me ask you a
question he says do you own
a dog house so i go yes i do he says well then that means you probably have a
dog i said yes he says
well that means you're likely you have a family if you have a dog i said yes i
do he said uh well then
that means you got the kids you're married i said yes yes i am he says uh well
then you're a
heterosexual man i said yes sir i am he says well you see that's logic there i
i asked if simply from
finding out you had a dog house i made this series of inferences and uh i have
found that you're a
heterosexual man simply from the fact that you had a dog house well i said good
god isn't that something
okay uh so i said well i won't waste any more of your time there uh neighbor
and i said i'll see
you see you later see you around okay so uh i went i said come on come by one
day and have a uh chicken
with me so anyways i left so i left so i go i go to get a bus you know to the
bus stop and i i i walk down
at the bus stop and i'm still thinking about this thing that happened to me you
know and i'm standing
at the bus and uh uh uh no bus coming at all you know five or six of us
standing around and uh one
guy lights up a cigarette there and he goes he goes as soon as you light up a
cigarette the bus comes
and uh he smokes the whole damn cigarette no bus comes so uh i said to the guy
well that theory really
worked yeah and the guy goes well sometimes it works anyways the guy goes uh
what's new with you
i go well i uh had an interesting thing happen to me today i said i met my
neighbor and he goes oh yeah
i go he had a hell of an interesting job i said he's a professor of logic down
at the university of
science and uh so the guy says is that so he says law professor of logic he
goes what the hell is that
logic i said well it's a series of cacilla something or other right all right i
said i can't remember
exactly but i said i'll give you an example if you want to hear an example yeah
so the guy goes all
right fair enough so i said let me ask you this i said uh uh uh yeah do you let
me ask you a question
do you own a dog house and the guy goes uh no i don't own a dog house so uh i
says the guy says oh yeah
yeah you're one of them gays
great stuff you can learn at that university of science there all right and
then the guy and then
get this there's more this gay guy yeah invites me to have a chicken at his
quick
that's some kind of euphemism watch out