Name: Norm Macdonald Can't Stop Cursing on Conan
Uploaded: 2023-03-15T21:29:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Can't Stop Cursing on Conan' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Can't Stop Cursing on Conan' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-15. Transcript available.

it's uh stunning how uh jay leno outfoxed you again
yeah he's good i know
you think like everybody's like oh i'm jay leno they do the voice and
everything
meanwhile he's the shrewdest guy he outfoxed you're in good company he outfoxed
johnny carson
david letterman every 10 years some redheaded rube shows up
so that's the phone call you got yeah yeah your age is like there's good news
and bad news
you are doing the tonight show it's true but remember that discussion where we
had where you
said i'll never have to follow lena again yeah you came over didn't you a
little fight a little
hornigating what's he an old pirate all of a sudden you notice how i didn't say
it's 11 30. no because it's 11 30. is that tonight's show now buddy boy that's
what i'm trying to
point out it's 11 30. thanks for pointing that out hey oh yeah oh you got more
hey yoko ono
is i'm mad about you this week mad about you okay that way i remember yeah that's
pretty cool she'll
be playing a conniving bitch who broke up the beatle all right hey hey are you
going to see that
beloved it's interesting what you say when you go like america's the greatest
country in the world
or something because like imagine like you're just saying that in a county you
live there because
let's say you hear a guy who goes hey man kenya that's the greatest country in
the world you better
okay here's a windmill wait you're not me no one
your two options you want to attack and fly away i love you let's bump the pitfalls
not salad tossing um okay i'm going to return to my former sexual lifestyle
well yeah what's that
it's uh trying to find a lady and convincing her to let me lie down on top of
her
that sounds so romantic the way you describe it i want to lie down on top of
you what and take a nap
what do you well i'm just saying i'm very simple i don't need i don't need no
uh you know uh i don't
need no where they whip your balls or anything
i'll tell you this what's that norm my doctor told me i'm on the same dose that
they give to the
donkey for the second show in tijuana okay now for the second show you know why
do i continue to have
you on and yet i love it no the second show uh you know you already started the
wrong end look that's
the bit there all right all right so just top and take it like that look come
on wake up stand there
i'm up i'm up to four segments why you tell me a number of seconds he wants the
edges off i think
turn it around turn it around okay ah what come on no no no no no no no no no
you're making me feel
busy standing there looking busy right here we go
when did you hit bottom i said i don't know the cool part of it was the girls
all get up right and
they're all their stories are all the same whenever they hit bottom right every
story is the same
they're like oh uh when i hit bottom uh you know uh i i a guy for a drink you
know you're like oh
could we just take them out of the studio for the norm part forget about that i
get rid of uh brothers
and sisters i have none but this man's father is my father's son she goes oh i
don't know who is
that's it except cab driver back in new york
i'll be searching for what's missing but the answer
true man one time my buddy was with a hooker he was telling me wait a minute
you have a hooker story
yes here we go and he said that uh he said that he phoned me up once he was in
vegas and he's like hey
man i'm with this hooker but uh i think she ripped me off man because she had
uh she took the money right
oh no yeah she she said she said i'm gonna she said something about like i'm
gonna go into the
bathroom to get a towel to wipe off your balls or something