Name: Jokes That Can Get You Cancelled Today Part 4
Uploaded: 2023-03-22T17:27:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jokes That Can Get You Cancelled Today Part 4' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jokes That Can Get You Cancelled Today Part 4' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-22. Transcript available.

New medical research shows that men and women have different food cravings.
Men preferring meat, and women preferring sweets.
Scientists trace this back to caveman days,
when men had to go out and hunt for food,
while women sat on their fat asses eating chocolates.
Last week, Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson visited the Big Apple
and showed off her 14-pound weight loss.
Hopefully, this will not interfere with her official duties
of sitting on her fat ass all day long.
In what is considered a remarkably short period of time,
the head of the federal advisory board, Dr. Peter Melman,
has given speedy approval to a controversial new anti-obesity drug.
It should be noted, however, Dr. Melman's wife is a fat pig.
This week in Minneapolis, the Minnesota Obesity Center officially opened.
Its goal is to find ways to identify behaviors that lead to obesity.
Also, it's a good place to meet fat chicks.
John Goodman has announced that he will not be returning to Roseanne next year.
So how will the show get rid of him on screen?
Well, insiders now say that over the last few episodes of the season,
Roseanne will gradually eat him.
According to a controversial new biography,
Elizabeth Taylor likes her lovemaking loud, rough, and frequent.
Coincidentally, that's also how she likes to eat.
Well, television history will be made this week
when film legend Elizabeth Taylor appears as herself
on all four CBS Monday night sitcoms.
It's part of the network's new campaign,
Must Eat TV.
She enjoys eating.
The New York Post has reported that Michael Jackson
wants his closest friend in the world,
Elizabeth Taylor,
to be the godmother of his child.
However, those close to the pair worry
that this could eventually lead to heated arguments
over whether the child will be molested or eaten.
Yeah, Rikki Lake, you know,
she really is an animal lover, though.
She has three cats, two dogs,
and a big ass that follows her around everywhere.
Former Wilson Phillips member,
Carney Wilson's new talk show kicked off this month.
According to Carney,
her show will be different from the others
in that guests will be treated with respect and dignity,
and then she will eat them.
Talk show host Rikki Lake has announced
that she will finally publicly apologize
for her role in a destructive anti-fur demonstration.
Then she will eat a huge can of frosting.
In the new movie Mrs. Winterborn,
talk show host Rikki Lake
plays the part of a young mother-to-be.
According to film's producers,
Miss Lake was so serious
about achieving a realistic pregnant look,
she forced herself to lose 30 pounds.
This week, renowned heart surgeon Michael DeBakey
attacked the hypocrisy of Hollywood stars
who oppose the use of animals in medical research,
and yet wear ribbons supporting the war
on deadly diseases like AIDS.
In response,
animal activist Rikki Lake said,
quote,
but the red ribbon diverts attention
from my gigantic ass.
A sad story from the world of entertainment this week.
Talk show host Rikki Lake
had to get rid of her dog Dudley
after the pooch became too aggressive
with her seven-month-old son Milo.
A clearly saddened Lake said,
it broke my heart to get rid of that dog,
but he was delicious.
She ate a whole dog.
In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper
who stabbed a man
for telling her she was too fat to strip.
Police warn that the woman is armed
and extremely fat.
Rosie O'Donnell show premiered today,
and I was in tapes at the same floor
of Saturday Night Live on 8H.
They had flowers sent.
There was the whole,
it's unbelievable.
You know,
people must love her.
There's flowers all along the entire 8H.
Right.
All flowers.
They're sent by,
like,
there was one from Madonna,
one from Elizabeth Taylor,
Regis and Kathy Lee.
I've never seen so many flowers.
It was,
I didn't even realize
you could eat flowers.
You say there's no way
we could go back
and that I've broken what we had
I wish that you would come around
I don't understand something.
Right.
You went to a doctor,
you said,
hey,
I wish with me,
I'm around Elle McPherson
and I'm not getting aroused.
I didn't mention that.
Yeah,
but you start to get concerned that,
hey,
why am I not getting aroused
around these beautiful women?
Yeah,
because I used to always get aroused
all the time.
No matter what,
like I could see a giant fat woman
like part of her ass.
Right,
and you get excited by that.
Are you on medication of any kind?
No,
no,
I just,
now I'm just...
Do you need that testosterone patch?
Yeah.
What's that?
It makes you more masculine.
You know what I mean?
But then your hair falls out.
Yeah,
you've got to be careful about that.
So,
Norm,
what do you think about
when you're masturbating?
What do you think about?
Well,
you know,
like,
Fat woman's ass?
Harder.
Like,
what do you think?
Did you ever think about
Elle McPherson?
No,
no,
no.
Oh,
I don't believe that.
Who do you think about?
I don't think about...
Girls you just met.
I'll tell you something,
I can't think about,
like,
girls that I don't think
I could have sex with
because I don't have
that good an imagination.
Right,
it's got to be someone
you think you can get.
Right.
That's how I am.
Right.
Sometimes I think of,
like,
kind of unattractive girls
where I'm...
Right,
when you're doing stuff.
Right.
Yeah.
I do that too,
though.
Yeah.
Like,
sometimes one of the interns
here is something
I'll think about
because I think
that, like,
I could definitely get a...
Do you ever think
about Rosie O'Donnell?
Oh,
good lord.
No,
no way,
right?
Name some names.
Name some names
of who you think about.
Give us an example.
You know,
Rosie O'Donnell would be good
at giving?
What?
Really wide head.
Oh,
that's funny.
Does Rosie O'Donnell
have the biggest head
on the planet?
She really does.
How much does her head weigh?
Do you take a guess?
About her head weigh?
Yeah.
Well,
that age-old argument,
I'm not going to get into that.
You're not even going to get into it.
I see.
I see.
And she's on the new
$100 bill.
Did you see her picture?
It's pretty wild.