Name: Bill O'Reilly vs Norm Macdonald
Uploaded: 2023-03-30T16:52:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill O'Reilly vs Norm Macdonald' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill O'Reilly vs Norm Macdonald' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-30. Transcript available.

Tonight, Dennis Miller is taking a lavish vacation as is his want, so we turn
to another
Saturday Night Live alum for words of wisdom this evening.
Joining us now from Los Angeles, man about town, Norm MacDonald.
Good to see you, Norm.
Happy New Year to you, sir.
Oh, happy New Year.
I hope you had a merry Christmas.
We had a great Christmas, and we were saying merry Christmas quite often.
Yeah, in L.A., I mean, I know you've maybe won the culture war, but in L.A., it's
still
a little secular progressive.
I had carolers come to my house, and I have a feeling they may have been atheists
because
of some of the carols they sang, like they sang, "Nothing Rest Ye Merry
Gentlemen," and "Heard
the Harold Johnson Sings."
Yeah, they couldn't get the God in there.
That's the age we live in, that there are certain parts of the country that are
just not going
to get into the Christmas spirit.
Now, are you a Democrat?
But I love Christmas.
I don't like to say I'm a Democrat or a Republican because I don't subscribe to
either.
You know, like I'm very pro-life, but I'm against the death penalty, so I don't
know what you'd
call that.
Well, pro-life means that you want people to live, and if you're against a
death penalty,
that's consistent, so you're an independent like I am.
You want the best person in.
Yeah, I would vote for the person.
Has anybody impressed you so far?
Any of the presidential candidates impressed you so far?
Yeah, I love John McCain.
He was my favorite eight years ago, but even eight years ago, he was the old
guy back then,
so I don't know.
I don't know.
It's just a bear.
But he's spry.
You know, he's elderly, but he's spry.
You know, I mean, I think he's got more energy than Fred Thompson, who's not
quite as old
as he is.
Yeah, no, Fred Thompson looks like he's always falling asleep.
But I do think that if the surge continues to be successful, it is possible
that if McCain
gets the nomination, that he can actually win.
I think that any of these guys can win at this point, because it's so fluid.
And if you take a rack, as you pointed out, off the table, you take that away,
then the
ideologues, their influence diminishes, and people will have to evaluate which
candidate
has the best plan.
Now Hillary Clinton, obviously a lightning rod.
The Hollywood community is, what, 80% liberal, and they're kind of split
between Hillary and
Obama.
How do you see this?
You're out there.
You schmooze with these people.
Well, I've watched Hillary on the campaign trail, and I must say, she has some
image change
or something.
She looks to me much more lifelike.
And also ladylike.
She seems like a, she almost seems like a live lady now.
Well, they've softened her image.
You know, because she was coming across as a little Margaret Thatcher-ish.
You know what I mean?
Do what I say, or I'll kick your butt.
And now they're trying to say, do what I say, or somebody else will kick your
butt.
Not me, because I don't want to get my hair messed up.
But the Obama-Hillary-Hollywood conflict, see, they're all liberal, but they
just don't
know which way to go out there.
And I feel their pain.
Don't you?
Yeah.
I know Obama is, this guy's like a freight train, and now that Dennis Kucinich
has said
that he might throw his support, man, he's going to be unstoppable with that.
Yeah.
That's right.
So that's at least six or seven votes that Sean Penn...
Yeah.
That's the equivalent of me throwing my delegates behind him.
Now, when you...
I think Kucinich is just barely above Ahmadinejad on the polls right now.
Yeah.
Ducinich and Nakva Denejad are running neck and neck, but we like Ducinich, no
matter what
you think about his politics, he's a stand-up guy.
Now, Miller loves Giuliani.
Miller is like Giuliani guy.
What do you think about the mayor?
Well, he's pro-choice, which is a little bit of a problem with me, but I
remember when
I was in New York, and my God, he changed that city around like crazy.
He did such a great job.
And I remember like my friends complaining, they were like, oh, Times Square,
you know,
it lost all its character.
But I lived in New York during that time, and Times Square was just prostitutes
and junkies
and serial killers prowling archa...
You know, it wasn't character.
It wasn't like...
That's the liberal platform.
It wasn't exactly petticoat junction.
It wasn't petticoat junction.
Right.
It wasn't petticoat junction.
That's secular progressive heaven you just described there, Norm.
That's what they want.
Come on.
It's diversity, man.
It's diversity.
Pink shows on demand.
Yeah, that's right.
Norm MacDonald, thanks for filling in for Miller.
We appreciate it.
Happy New Year to you, Norm.
I've been searching for what's missing, but the answer...
Norm MacDonald, his new program, A Minute with Stan Hooper, debuts on Fox
tomorrow at 8:30.
Up against the factor, man.
I don't know.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
It's not easy.
So we wanted them to tape Stan Hooper and watch the factor.
I was going to mention earlier, because I know this is a no-spin zone.
You bet.
Yeah, in the Kozlowski thing, I saw a little bit of spinning.
Yeah.
A little bit.
And I'd like to say I was also a shareholder at Tyco.
Mm-hmm.
And I did get invited to the party in Sardinia.
You did?
Yeah, and you didn't miss anything.
That guy with the giant wings made a clumsy pass at me over by the ice
sculpture.
Is that right?
I thought you might have been the sculpture there for a minute.
What the?
I know, no.
Now, you were at Saturday Night Live.
Yes, sir.
It was a good gig for you, a week down update and all of that.
Yeah, yeah.
Then you did the Norm show.
Yes, sir.
I never got to see the Norm show.
I never watched it either.
No.
And it was gone.
Yeah.
You know, an interesting thing is that even if no one watches the show, it
still gets ratings
like a million people watch the show because people just don't turn their TVs
off.
Is that right?
Yeah.
So if there's nobody in the room, it still clicks in.
Yeah.
I guess that's what's happening on CNN.
I don't know.
But anyway, this show, how do you get two shots?
Because most people don't get any shots.
You know how many comedians there are out in L.A.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Trying to troll to get a show.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And this is another show starring you.
How did you do it?
Just, I think, pure talent.
Yeah?
Yeah.
They just saw it in you.
Yeah.
There's no substitute for that.
They had to have you.
Yeah.
Fox demanded.
Norm MacDonald.
Exactly.
Get him.
How much control do you have over this vehicle?
Romano controls his show.
Yeah.
Romano?
Ray Romano.
Oh, Ray Romano, of course.
Right.
You know.
Right.
I know.
Not as talented as you, but he's coming on.
He's coming on.
How much control you got over this show?
Well, I got a lot of control over it.
I don't rehearse, so I write all week.
Do you write?
Yeah.
How many other writers with you?
Five.
There are crack staff.
All right.
So the show's going to have an edge, because that's what kind of stuff you do.
No.
It's not going to have an edge.
No.
It's going to be a bland, kind of an Aussie and Harriet ripoff?
No, sir.
It's going to be a Green Acres ripoff.
I could just see you in the overalls.
Yeah.
You play a commentator on television.
I play a commentator.
I hate those guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't care for them either.
I play a guy that works in New York.
You understand?
And he does his minute every week virtue.
Like Andy Rooney.
Not Andy Rooney.
He's not a humorist.
He extols the virtues of small-town life, like Mr. Charles Osgood.
Oh.
But he's very disconnected.
He goes to parties at William Paley's house.
You look a little like Osgood.
I don't know.
Run that picture back.
Can you put it next to Norm's face?
Yeah, I can.
That's you in eight years.
After you work for Fox, that's how you're going to age.
Okay?
Believe me, I've been here seven years.
That's how you age.
I don't look like that.
I'm trying to look like that for sure.
So you moved to a small town in Wisconsin, right?
Yes, sir.
Okay.
And that's going to be funny?
I'm going to be amused by that?
I'm not going to spin you.
No, you're not going to care for it at all.
All right.
Now, you hit it big, and then you get the residuals and all of that.
The Simpsons money rolling in.
Yeah.
You don't hit it big?
You care?
Well, first of all, I believe the actors in The Simpsons, I don't think Bart
got one penny
of that.
No.
But the guy who did his voice.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, I get a lot of money after that.
Do you?
But I'm not in it for the money.
What are you in it for?
The money.
I am in it for the money.
I know you are.
I was going to spin.
No, you can't.
This is the no spin zone.
I know.
I keep forgetting.
You can use that in Stan Hooper if you want.
The no spin?
No.
I won't demand any money.
Okay, cool.
Saturday Night Live, do you watch anymore?
Yes, sir, I do.
You do?
Yes, sir.
Is it good now as when you were there?
No.
Because you're not there.
Basically, because I'm not there.
Right.
But you do watch it.
Yeah, I watch it.
I love Saturday Night Live.
Because I've lost kind of contact with it.
I think it's maybe a generational thing.
It is a generational thing.
I'm 61 years old, young.
I say 61 years.
Right.
I say 61 years experienced.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And when I watch the show, I don't even know what they're doing parodies of
because they're
doing parodies of like MTV shows.
Yeah.
I mean, they're a jewel.
They're making fun of and I have no idea.
Yeah.
So I'm sitting here.
Yeah.
When you do this Fox show, if it is successful, are you going to change?
Am I going to change?
Yeah.
Are you going to be the same guy you are now?
The humble guy?
I'm going to be the same dirty son of a bitch as I am now.
All right.
Thank you.
This is live tonight.
We appreciate that.
Well, that's not swearing.
No, no.
Of course not.
No, that's just Fox.
I think that's part of the...
That's Fox.
We're going to see that in Stan Hooper, aren't we?
No, we're not going to use such a language.
All right.
Norm MacDonald, good luck with the show.