Name: Turd Ferguson Funniest Moments
Uploaded: 2023-04-28T00:01:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Turd Ferguson Funniest Moments' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Turd Ferguson Funniest Moments' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-28. Transcript available.

Welcome to Celebrity Jeopardy!
We've got three wonderful celebrities playing for charity.
Let's meet them.
Burt Reynolds.
As you know, all of our celebrities are playing for charity.
And Burt Reynolds, yours is the Palm Beach Golf and Tennis Resort.
And finally, back again, Burt Reynolds in a commanding lead with $14.
Hey, check out the podium. Look at this.
Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to Turd Ferguson.
That's right. Turd Ferguson. It's a funny name.
Great.
What in the...
Burt Reynolds, what are you doing here?
Yeah, that's not my name.
All right. Turd Ferguson.
Sorry I'm late. I had to pick up my podium
I'm from the... from the grass.
Well, you're not late. You weren't invited.
The answer is...
There is John Travolta learned how to dance for this 1977 hit movie.
Mr. Connery.
That would be Jaws.
No.
Jaws is incorrect.
And please answer in the form of a question.
Burt Reynolds.
What is Jaws?
What is Jaws?
What is Jaws?
No.
Uh...
I'll take Swords for 400.
It's actually not Swords, sir.
Swords.
It's not usually...
These are words that begin with S.
The answer is...
Popeye is this sort of man.
Burt Reynolds.
What is Popeye?
No.
This racing movie with Dom DeLuise told us that, yes, cannonballs can run.
Cannonballs can run.
Burt, you might want to guess this.
Just move on.
Burt, can you please pick a category?
Pick Swords.
Yeah, sure. Give me Swords.
It's S-Words.
It's S-Words.
And for how much, Mr. Reynolds?
The hell, let's go nuts.
Swords for 48,000.
We're not doing Swords.
Let's just start with Famous Roberts for 400.
And the answer is...
This was John F. Kennedy's younger brother.
Marlon Brando.
Teddy.
No.
Who is Teddy?
No.
What is Teddy?
No.
Burt Reynolds.
I'll tell you something, Alex.
I think he's right.
This December 25th holiday involves decorating a tree and opening presents.
Burt Reynolds.
Yeah, what is my birthday?
Is your birthday on December 25th, Mr. Reynolds?
No, July 7th.
Actually, I have your bio here.
It's February 11th.
Burt Reynolds.
What is July 7th?
Burt Reynolds, you pick the category.
Yeah, give me theater for 10,000.
Theater for 600.
The answer is...
This play by William Shakespeare was about a merchant who lived in Venice.
Burt Reynolds.
Yeah, I was footloose.
Good play, footloose.
No.
And please answer in the form of a question.
Mr. Reynolds, you seem to have broken your buzzer.
And...
It's been a hard day's night.
I should be sleeping like-a this.
Burt Reynolds.
Chinese whore.
No.
Tough luck there, buddy, huh?
Okay, moving on.
What is it, Mr. Reynolds?
Check out this guy's back.
That's nice.
You put a kick-me sign on Mr. Travolta's back.
Yeah.
Oh, that's...
That's good.
I did it when he...
I did it when he wasn't looking.
That's very nice.
Good job, Burt.
Hey, uh...
I speak a little French.
You're an ass bite.
Pardon my French.
My name's French.
Yeah, well, who gives a damn?
Moving on.
Yeah, I'll take the condom thing for...
I eat that.
That's condiments.
For 400.
Yeah, well, why don't you give me...
Why don't you give me 8-tits for 200?
It's not 8-tits.
Burt Reynolds.
That's not my name.
Okay.
Turd Ferguson.
Yeah, what do you want?
You buzzed in.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
Yeah, well, that's your opinion.
I'd like to solve the puzzle house.
This isn't Wheel of Fort...
Who is Andre the Giant?
Is that an answer to a question?
No, I was just wondering, uh...
Just wondering who is Andre the Giant.
Burt Reynolds.
I, uh...
I just remembered.
You remembered what?
I remembered who, uh, Andre the Giant was.
He, uh...
He was a giant, and he went by the name of, uh...
Andre.
Why are you still talking about Andre the Giant?
Burt Reynolds.
Um...
Why don't you give me, uh...
Andre the Giant for...
$1,000.
No, it's not a category.
This is the sound a doggy makes.
Burt Reynolds.
Who is, uh...
Scooby-Doo.
No.
That was a funny dog, Scooby-Doo.
He drove around in the van and, uh...
Solved mysteries.
That is incorrect.
No, that's correct.
I remember.
He had a pal scrapping him.
Mr. Vittles, what are you doing?
Yeah, I found this backstage.
An oversized hat.
It's funny.
No, it's not.
It's funny.
It's funny because it's bigger than a normal hat.
I see that.
Get back to your podium.
Go ahead.
Take a look at that.
Yeah, I see it.
Go back to your podium.
It's not funny.
You know what?
Let's just move on to Final Jeopardy.
With every player in negative numbers.
And the category is...
You know what?
This is way too hard.
I'm just going to make one up.
How about your favorite food?
Just write down whatever food you personally like most.
Any food you like to eat.
Your favorite food?
Your favorite food?
Let's look at Mr. Reynolds' answer.
Check out Keaton's back.
Right.
Very funny.
Yeah.
He didn't know it was on there.
Shut up.
Just shut up.
Let's just move on to Final Jeopardy.
Tell you what, let's just forget the question.
All you have to do to win the game is write down the current year.
What year it is right now.
It's a number.
What year is it?
Okay now, Mr. Reynolds, I didn't see you write anything.
Maybe I missed it.
And I didn't.
You gave no answer.
Why don't you let me buy a bow?
Okay, that's infuriating.
Good night.
My...
Get that off me!
Yeah, it was. Good night. But please, stop it!