Name: To Catch a Predator
Uploaded: 2023-04-30T05:33:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'To Catch a Predator' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'To Catch a Predator' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-30. Transcript available.

You know what show I would like to see you host, Norm?
And this is the God's truth.
I would like to see you host Catch a Predator.
I see that as being a good medium for you.
What's your thoughts on the Catch a Predator show?
Oh, no, that's just, you just brought it up because I was telling that guy
earlier,
I was thinking of that show, the Catch a Predator.
Well, thank you for unfolding my conceit here.
I was trying to get you into the area you wanted to talk to.
I thought it was like a crazy coincidence because I just talked to that
Christian dude
about that.
Jesus, Norm, could you diffuse this anymore?
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
It was a setup.
I was putting the ball on the tee.
I'm Cheech Marin.
You're nice.
Now, go ahead.
Knock it off.
You're like Ed McMahon.
Yeah, exactly.
So you don't want to talk about the Predator thing?
Oh, yeah, man.
They catch a Predator?
No, I was just...
They told me they said Norm wants to talk about Predator and all of a sudden I'm
at a Carson
Wake here.
Are you sad about Johnny's loss?
That's misrepresenting it, too, because then people will think, you know, Norm's
fun.
I'm going, hey, can I talk at all about the Predator thing?
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
It wasn't on your mind.
I kind of put it there.
Do you have any ad-lib thoughts on it?
It's not going to be funny now.
All right.
You know what I've done to you?
It's like Jerry Lewis with Charlie Callis with the Duckman.
Exactly.
I have to come...
All right.
Then let me throw you a curve and see what else you can...
What about O.J. or Mike Vick?
You got anything on either of them?
Okay.
Now, this is a complete coincidence.
This is the most insane coincidence of all.
These are two big topics in the news.
I thought I'd just throw them out there and see if you had any observations.
No, I'm just kidding.
One, one, one.
Michael Vick was...
No, I was just saying that, you know, obviously I'm against...
I like...
I do stand-up, you know, stand-up comedy.
Sure, you do.
And by the way, I'll be at...
Can I plug something?
Go...
You can use the rest of the segment for a plug.
Oh.
Because I'm not doing any stand-up.
But anyway...
But when I go to the club...
I went to the club and I thought of the idea about...
Then Michael Vick...
First of all, you know, you love football, obviously, right?
Yeah, sure.
Well, you know, sure.
I go way back with football and cockfighting, you know.
Exactly.
So you'll say that, you know...
And Michael Vick was the most exciting player in football.
He could change a team by himself.
Yes.
Well, that's a solid observation.
That's what's so sad, you know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
The dogfighting's sad, too, but if it was just some guy, you know,
that was played in football like a third-string quarterback...
Right.
It wouldn't be that sad.
So, but Michael Vick, obviously, it hurt him.
It hurt his fans.
It hurt the whole sport.
...of dogfighting.
So you think it's brought dogfighting down?
I tried to say that like Drake.
It's good.
It's dogfighting.
Can we talk about the Drake...
But listen, man, Vick, can you imagine?
Here's something to think about.
Imagine if you were a dog living in a dog kennel, you ever run a nose pound?
Sure.
That's your house.
Right.
So they suck, right?
They're the worst houses ever.
Right.
So the dog will go anywhere, you know?
And dogs love everyone, so they're just sitting in their horrible place, and,
you know, the
guy, an old bald guy comes in and wants to bring you home, and you're all happy.
Normally, you're not.
Right?
Yeah, sure.
So imagine you're sitting there, and you're like, hey, guys, man, you're not
going to
believe this, but we got adopted, all of us got adopted, and you're not going
to believe
for a second who it was.
And I'm like, who?
Who?
Was it that bald guy from earlier today?
No, it wasn't no bald guy.
Think left-hander, Atlanta.
It was Michael Vick.
That's who it was.
Now, get out of here.
That's who's our new owner.
They're excited, you see?
It's very pumped up, the dogs.
They're pumped up.
They're like, you're kidding me.
I'm trying to be clean.
And then they go, and, you know, they go, wow, they're in the house.
You know, everything's exciting.
They were just in a pound.
Now they're at Michael Vick's house.
They couldn't be more excited.
They hit the jackpot.
And they're walking through the house going, man, I've never seen so many TVs.
And then, you know, later, it's not so good.
When the other guys tell them, you know.
Right.
When the other guys go, listen, he's a good, you know.
Michael Vick's a complicated character.
And I love Michael Vick.
Ralph will tell you.
So Ralph is the other dogs?
The other dog.
You know how he's talking.
You know, the dogs talk and they have names.
Sure.
And they go.
Ralph will tell you.
You know, I said Vic is the best thing to have in a football club in forever.
But on the other hand, you know, he electrocuted me last week.
So I have mixed feelings with Vic.
This is one thing about the Michael Vick thing.
He electrocuted them, which was awful, and shot them, right?
Right.
And then in one of them, he strangled them.
Yeah, it's hard.
The other thing is, as heinous as this seems, that one part, him strangling a
pit bull dog.
Yes.
Seems not so heinous.
It seems that they're kind of brave, if that's all he ever did.
And, you know, I'm sure Michael Vick's hands are really strong with a pit bull's
neck.
Well, Norm, when I see the nuances you've peeled back on the Vic story, I could
only send you a big, hearty, hail, thank you that you dodged the To Catch a
Predator question.
That's the one I wanted to talk to.
Because I have no idea where that was.
So you have no time on the show anymore, so you can't talk about it?
Well, do you want to stay for a segment?
What?
I'm going to take a commercial.
Can you stay for a minute?
I wouldn't mind telling you that To Catch a Predator is if you'll laugh.
You didn't laugh at all at that one.
Norm, listen.
When I'm in the presence of greatness, I simply sit and I listen.
Hang on to the Predator story until after this.
Dennis Miller Show.
Two things.
I was wondering where Sal was during that thing.
Sabes made the miscalculation of turning his mic off.
He was laughing so hard, and he didn't think anybody would be able to hear Norm.
I was wondering where is old Sal.
Secondly, if I seem a little halting with Norm.
Now, Sal, you hear me do a lot of interviews.
I'm always usually force forward.
I find Norm such a genius.
I don't want to interject and get in the way of the story.
Norm, you've got to let him run.
I mean, it's as good as it gets.
Let's go back to Norm.
Norm, I'm sorry, my friend.
I've got around three minutes left.
Can you codify your thoughts on To Catch a Predator and unspool a little tale?
My thoughts on To Catch a Predator cannot be captured in your soundbite.
Now, I know the first, I don't know what the word is in radio, in TV, on talk
shows when I'm booked, we call it the next segment.
Right.
Last segment, bomb.
Let's not kid ourselves.
No, it didn't bomb.
No.
Are you kidding me?
It was gold.
It was just about, yeah, I was listening to you unspool the gold.
I mean, sometimes when you're on radio, you know, you go, ah, man, maybe people
are just laughing in the studio because that's their job, but people at home
are not enjoying it at all, so you feel bad about yourself.
Well, the bit was volatile.
When the guy's in the studio also clearly not responding to anything, and then
they go, now, the funniest was in the commercial, I said, so, he goes, you've
got to wrap it up in a minute, the predator thing.
You know, like, I'm, so I said, I don't know, it's not really a thing.
I don't know if I can wrap it up.
Like, so he said, I said, I don't think it's going well.
Christian, you didn't say that to him, did you?
I didn't say that.
I said it was going great, and we were all laughing so hard we couldn't breathe.
We're ill-serving Norm today.
You know, the next time we have Norm on, I'm going to say, this is Norm, and
let him go.
Well, this is Ed Dennis.
I said, how long does your show run generally, you know, because I listen to it.
On the internet and stuff like that.
Right.
And he said, three hours.
And he goes, your second segment's up.
And I go, what was my first segment, by the way?
He goes, that was like six minutes.
That was your big one.
The three-hour show.
Well, we've obviously, we've been gaslighting you, Norm.
We brought you in here in a deliberate effort to drive you crazy.
You sound suitably perplexed now, but might I tell you, you're simply the most
insightful,
perplexed man I've ever met.
We'll have you back.
Let's have Norm back and give him a full half hour.
That'd be great.
Well, will you come back at this point?
Are you so angry?
You're a great interviewer and stuff, right?
Yeah, but I was a little intimidated by you.
But here's a weird thing that when you're interviewing somebody, because I've
seen them all, man.
I've seen par, you know?
Yeah, sure.
I've seen, I've seen, most of the time I watch par.
But I've seen them all, you know?
Sure, you go way back.
And rarely, Merv Griffin, one of the greatest ever, you know?
He's fast.
You know, who was a greater interviewer than that dude?
Nobody.
But Merv Griffin would never say Norm.
I understand that you want to talk about to catch a predator.
What else is it to say here?
Michael Vick.
And something else.
So go ahead.
It was my fault.
I gagged it.
I'm sorry, Norm.
We'll have you back and I'll do it better.
This is the Dennis Miller Show.