Name: Norm MacDonald Almost Won the Million Dollar Question
Uploaded: 2023-05-29T17:09:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm MacDonald Almost Won the Million Dollar Question' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm MacDonald Almost Won the Million Dollar Question' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-29. Transcript available.

Now let's look at it for a million, okay?
This question, can you believe it may be a million dollars?
Yeah.
Let it be yours.
Here it comes.
For the kids.
For the kids.
For the kids.
During the Cold War, the U.S. government built a bunker to house Congress onto
what golf resort?
The Breakers.
The Greenbrier.
Pinehurst.
The Broadmoor.
I mean, they always say don't go with the obvious one, right?
That's what somebody told me backstage.
See, here's the problem.
Let's say I lose all that money and it gets back to Paul Newman.
That's going to be a problem.
I don't know.
You'd lose $468,000.
I wouldn't lose it.
The children would lose it.
Of course the children would lose it.
But you would lose it for the children.
You don't want to do that, do you?
I don't know, man.
It's sad.
You've got a little gambling streak in you, don't you?
You want to see if you can beat the game, don't you?
You want to win a million dollars, don't you?
Well, I'm going to say mine.
You're going to say what?
I'll say you're minors, but you say don't go with the obvious, so.
I'll say Greenbrier.
Please, before you say final answer, ignore me.
I'm not kidding.
$468,000.
Unless you're Schumer.
Okay, fine.
Forget it.
It could be minors.
Is that what you're going to say?
Just give me the half a million.
We'll quit.
All right.
Do you want to walk?
What?
Do you?
I have to find out if you want to walk away.
Well, no.
I was going to answer a question.
What are you talking about?
I quit.
It's too much for me.
I can't stand it.
What do you want to do, baby?
Tell me what you want to do.
Well, I think it.
I was going to.
I think fine-hurst is too obvious, so I guess I would say Greenbrier.
What's it called?
Greenbrier.
What are you making that face for?
Forget it.
I'm scared to death.
Okay, give me that.
Forget it.
I'll just give it half a million.
All right.
What do you think?
Take a guess.
I have no idea.
I said my guess.
I guess I was wrong.
It must be one of those others.
Did you say Greenbrier?
I said, yeah.
Yeah, you would have won a million.
500,000.
Come on.
Be happy.
You were great, Norm.
You were just terrific.
Yeah.
You were fabulous.
I'm not kidding you.
And that's it for the second edition of Celebrity Millionaire.
Here's the other thing.
On the Millionaire Show, one night,
Norm Macdonald, our friend Norm Macdonald,
and star of the show Norm.
Yeah.
Was on the Millionaire Show,
and Norm is, you know,
he comes on and he just behaves like a nitwit.
Well, it turns out he's some sort of like genius nitwit.
Because he runs the damn board on the Millionaire Show,
and they get right up to the million dollar question,
and Norm says, I think A.
And Regis says, are you sure, Norm?
And Norm says, yeah, I'm sure.
And Regis says, well, it's a lot of money.
Think it over.
Take your time.
You want to reconsider?
And then Norm says, oh, what are you driving at, Regis?
Maybe I got the wrong answer.
You're telling me I got the wrong answer?
So now, Regis makes Norm start to sweat.
Right.
He's about to go home with a million damn dollars.
Regis talks him into changing his answer.
And what happened?
He was wrong.
Oh, you're kidding.
He was wrong.
Regis threw him off.
That's right.
Is that legal?
Yeah, and so he walks out of there
with a gift certificate from the gaff or something.
That's not, I don't think that's legal.
Now, what about, I told this story about this
when Norm MacDonald was on your show.
Do you remember that?
I remember it very well.
He's up there at a million dollars, Regis.
He can walk home with a million dollars.
First of all, Norm says to me, you know,
I'm playing for Paul Newman's hole-in-the-wall kids.
That's great.
Hole-in-the-wall gang.
Yeah, have you ever been up there to that camp?
I hear it's fact.
Oh, it's unbelievable.
And it's a terrific thing that Paul Newman has done.
Oh, they do a fantastic job.
But you understand, he has won $500,000.
Now, if he goes for the million and he misses,
the hole-in-the-wall gang get $32,000.
That's right.
Still a nice paycheck.
A nice sum, but I want them to be sure to get the half million.
That's right.
So the question comes up,
where did the U.S. Congress build a bunker during World War II
under which famous golf course?
And we mentioned four golf courses.
And Norm is vacillating between Piedmont and another one,
and he can't make up his mind, and he's going back and forth.
And I was saying to him, Norm, if you really don't know,
you know, because he's saying, I'm playing for the kids.
That's right.
Don't you want me to win for the kids?
Right.
If I lose, you're to blame.
You're going to face those kids one day.
Right, right.
All of a sudden, I'm against the kids.
Well, that's what it looks like.
So I said to Norm, Norm, be smart.
Be careful.
Take the $500.
Be careful.
Oh, I see.
But if you really don't know the answer, take the $500.
Take the $500.
And that's exactly what he did.
I see.
Okay.
Oh, so he didn't go on and blow the question.
You talked him out of going on.
That's right.
And he ended up with a half a million for the kids.
But he, in his mind, you know how it worked out?
He had the right answer.
He had the right answer.
So he could have gone on for a million.
That's right.
Well, see, now, I stand corrected,
because I thought you had bullied him out of the million.
Because I know that a percentage of that
comes out of your paycheck.
You know, you guys are murder.
First of all, I got him slandering me with Kelly Ripper,
and then you're killing me with Norm.
I didn't know you were on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.
Oh, yeah, I was on that show.
You couldn't have won a million.
I saw that.
I want to have a million dollars,
but I didn't get to keep it.
I had to give it to a charity.
Darn it.
What charity did you give it to?
I gave it to a, well, I always wanted to meet Paul Newman.
So it turns out he has his great charity for sick children.
And I thought, hey, this fits in perfectly
with my desire to meet Paul Newman.
So I gave all the money to his sick children
in order to meet him.
Did you get to meet him?
No.
He sent me a letter, but then I felt guilty like that I'd given all this money
to the sick
children only to meet Paul Newman.
So I talked it over to my lord and I decided it was a venal thing I had done.
Well, it was a good, it was, you had good intentions.
And maybe because.
No, I had bad intentions, but I ended up with good.
I had a good result, I had a good result, and then I didn't pay off on my bad
intentions.
So it turned out it was all right.
Remember, what are some of your Regis memories?
Well, one time I was on his other show, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
And it was a celebrity who wants to be a millionaire, so the questions are a
little easier.
Yeah, you won.
I heard they didn't give you the money.
Yeah.
No, they, no, they give it to a charity.
They don't tell you.
Oh, that sucks.
No, they give it, they give it to sick children.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, that's nice.
They need, you know, they need money, too.
Are you drunk?