Name: Women Can't Drive. Norm Macdonald Can't Drive
Uploaded: 2023-07-19T21:10:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Women Can't Drive. Norm Macdonald Can't Drive' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Women Can't Drive. Norm Macdonald Can't Drive' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-19. Transcript available.

safer drivers men or women well according to a new survey 55 percent of adults
feel that women
are most responsible for minor fender benders while 78 percent blame men for
most fatal crashes
please note that the percentage in these pie graphs do not add up to 100
because the math
was done by a woman for those of you hissing at that joke it should be noted
that that joke was
written by a woman so now you don't know what the hell to do no i'm just
kidding we don't hire women
in milwaukee wisconsin a man allowed his eight-year-old daughter to take the
wheel of his
car and an accident ensued that damaged seven other cars and injured six people
which once again proves
my theory women can't drive
and i don't drive you know i can't drive never learned i don't know how to
drive a car you know you don't
drive at all i never learned how really yeah why well i don't like them i find
them dangerous you
know this is an emotional issue it's not can you drive or can't you drive
everyone knows i could
teach you to drive in 20 minutes that's not the i do know that this is an
emotional issue norm are you
willing to trust me do you want to take a step or do you just want to be you
know bathing in your own
urine for the rest of your life do you want to take the options first step out
of that apartment and
in and in toward toward the light would you like to take that step would you
like me to help you
take that step do you have like uh an earpiece and dr drew is talking through
that's an ass piece but
yes it is true his voice whatever fine i can hear him better that way i would
agree to it doesn't
i would agree i would agree to do that i mean i would you agree to do that i
agree but i might say
no later because it scares me that's right now right now right now in your thrall
i feel like i could
do it norm you're very persuasive but but please i believe you please and also
since your life's at
stake i know my life is at stake but also it would be the day comedy died if
you drove off a cliff with
you and i in it except for all the other funny people that you left behind yeah
until they cast
dana gould as death yeah then we forgot oh i forgot about that yeah yeah it'd
be the day death died oh
wait a minute all right so listen norm i would like to do this for you and i
know you find it you
see this is this is an emotional issue it's not a practical issue no obviously
i can teach you to
drive no i say i know intellectually because i see old ladies and young
children like you say i see
every other person so i go well i'm not right yeah yeah they have handicapped
people drive vans with
their teeth norm you don't think you can handle it yeah i know we could i could
teach you to drive
let's do that norm okay let me offer you that freedom well that's uh let's for
now say yes
but i don't want to but we can't but i gotta say this i gotta say this if we do
it it cannot be in
in any ways a comedy but all of a sudden i can't go you can't go here's norm
put on this suit i'm
like now wait and then you were at a racetrack in ventura and uh i would i'm
racing against gilles
villeneuve's son yes jack jack um f1 driver listen point is this first off i
would treat you because
i've had that before where they've gone this is what my manager said do you
want to be in a celebrity
race car event i don't have a license and they go the funny thing is they'll
never think to ask i i
you know how i would treat you i would treat you like a horse that i rescued
who'd been abused
that's how i would treat you do you know what i mean lots no sudden movements
you'd whack
lots of petting on the shoes you'd whack me out just to relieve a little
pressure nothing gay
just to take the edge off i'd feed you a carrot through my mouth
no i wouldn't move i wouldn't light off any fireworks i wouldn't do it i i i
would be very
soothing would you make me i'm going to put the best of enya in the cd player alexis
and i'm going to
teach you how to drive norman
hey there it's time for weather in a minute it's a silly little segment we do
baby once every five
years or so but we brought it back we're doing it today and uh you know larry
the older we get uh
the less tolerant i become and the slower you've become i'm thinking i am dying
for like an ice cream
sandwich or something from the cafeteria i give you the helmet if you can get
down there and get it
we've found a way to get you down that hallway a little bit quicker also this
will replace the
running that you've had to do it's a great way to get around you can get the
speed up on that thing
larry it's like you're going like two miles an hour there's no brakes that's
all right you don't need
brakes you're just going down the hall it's not like you're into traffic floor
it so there you go
and if you can like a nice people say i think there's a guy from like the hancock
it's a hard left
turn no you missed the turn there you are is that like the mascot from the hancock
is in there
give him a hug or there you are nice to see him why it's nice of him to even
offer uh all right did
you get it all right hey norm come on you're up next hey norm mcdonald's down
here get him on
you can put him on one of those come on norm you're up next this is like the
two of you in like three
years senior citizens racing down the hall very nice don't forget to bring me
the ice cream sandwich
boy whoa wait i know i went too far thank you very much come on norm let me get
that out of your way
come on yeah follow him
i lost you sorry watch the cables man oh no