Name: Neighborly Neighbor
Uploaded: 2023-07-22T12:11:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Neighborly Neighbor' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Neighborly Neighbor' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-22. Transcript available.

The search continues in the Indian Ocean for the Malaysian Airlines Flight 370
as they listen and try to follow the Pings.
These guys sound like me, always listening for Pings.
The Pings are my Chinese neighbors.
Jim and Ellen Ping.
Nice people, nice folks.
Nice folks.
Jim Ping?
That is my neighbor.
Nice fella.
Nice guy.
Let me his abacus yesterday.
I want to do this.
Jesus!
Oh, come on.
That's not a Chinese guy.
I wasn't saying it was.
That's kind of racist.
What are you, Mickey Rooney?
Hey.
Hey, come on.
I know he's dead, but Mickey Rooney did a very racist thing like you just did
in a movie called Breakfast at Tiffany's by the wonderful Truman Capote.
I wasn't doing anything racist, and you know it.
Go ahead.
Yeah, yeah.
You ever see any of the old chums up there in Canada?
Go up to the old rural areas of Canada?
I met a man there last time I was there that lived in the city of Cornwall
where Ryan Gosling hails.
Well, it's a big city because of that now.
Yeah.
And so...
Big deal, yeah.
So anyways, he was from the city, and he got tired of the rat race racing and
chasing
and trying to keep up with the Joneses.
He got tired of the city life.
Yeah.
He couldn't take it anymore.
He said, I'm going to get myself land, land.
Man needs land.
So he went to the country where we live, and the soil's not arable.
It's rocky, hellish.
But anyways, he liked it.
Yeah.
And so the first day there, the neighbor fellow, Angus McGregor, comes over.
I know Angus a long time.
And Angus, an old fellow, he says, what's your name?
The guy says, Phil Henshaw.
He said, you're from the city, I hear.
Yes.
He says, well, I just came over and say hello.
God, the city fellow says, isn't that something?
All the years I was in the city, I never met my neighbor.
I lived in an apartment, and I never met my neighbor.
First day here on the farm, and here you are saying hello.
Well, I'm saying more than hello, says Angus McGregor.
I'm going to invite you to a welcome wagon party over at my farm.
Well, the city fellow says, that's exactly what I was looking for.
I was looking for, I guess I was looking for a sense of community as well as
owning land.
Yeah.
So he says, what's the party going to be like?
So Angus McGregor says, well, I won't lie to you.
It gets pretty rowdy, a little drinking, a little fighting, a little fornicating.
So the guy says, well, that's all right with me.
What time do I show up?
Angus says, it don't matter, just the two of us.
No.
Just, that's right.
Woo!
Straight to the heart.
I've been a long time acting like I was a bro.
Can I part by you?
You live here, of course, in the city, because you're doing the show.
I live in New York City.
Yeah.
This isn't a police interrogation.
Are you sure?
Where in the city do you live, approximately, not specifically?
I live at 56 between 8th and Broadway.
Okay.
And what's your phone number?
Just give me seven digits.
All right.
Did, what, your neighbors nice people?
The people that live around you?
Great people.
Every day I meet somebody new, you know.
This city's great because of the neighborly people, you know.
But I did meet one neighbor, interesting story, you know, that this guy just
moved in, you know, next door to me.
So I'm always one to meet the neighbors.
You like to chat with the neighbors, yeah.
Because, you know, so I went over to the guy, I knocked on the door, next door
to where I live.
And I say to the guy, I said, hey, I'm your new neighbor, you know.
And I said, good to see you, you know, nice to run into you, you know.
Welcome to the neighborhood, you know.
And so the guy, I said, what do you do for a living there, sir, you know, if
you don't mind me asking?
You know, what do you do for a living?
I'm a nightclub comic, I tell the guy.
So he says to me, he says, I worked out at the university of science there.
He says, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, that's a good school, by the way.
I can't remember the exact place.
Sure.
But he says, I'm a professor of logic.
Oh.
So he says to the guy, he says, logic, now what the hell is that?
I never heard tell of that.
He says, oh, well, he says, it's a kind of a pattern of syllogistic, well, he
says, it's hard to explain.
He says, why don't I give you an example?
So I said, fair enough, why don't you do that?
So the guy says, well, he says, let me ask you a question.
He says, do you own a dog house?
So I go, yes, I do.
He says, well, then that means you probably have a dog.
I said, yes.
He says, well, that means you're likely you have a family, if you have a dog.
I said, yes, I do.
He said, well, then that means you got kids, you're married.
I said, yes, yes, I am.
He says, well, then you're a heterosexual man.
I said, yes, sir, I am.
He says, well, you see, that's logic there.
I asked if simply from finding out you had a dog house, I made this series of
inferences
and I found that you're a heterosexual man simply from the fact that you had a
dog house.
Well, I said, good God, isn't that something?
Okay.
So I said, well, I won't waste any more of your time there, neighbor.
And I said, I'll see you.
See you later.
See you around.
Okay.
So I went, I said, come on, come by one day and have a chicken with me.
Same as I left.
So I left.
So I go, I go to get a bus, you know, to the bus stop.
And I, I, I walked down to the bus stop and I still thinking about this thing
that happened
to me, you know, and I'm standing at the bus and no bus coming at all, you know,
and five
or six of us standing around and, uh, one guy lights up a cigarette there and
he goes, he
goes, as soon as you light up a cigarette, the bus comes and, uh, he smokes the
whole
damn cigarette, no bus comes.
So, uh, I said to the guy, well, that theory really worked, huh?
And the guy goes, well, sometimes it works.
Anyways, the guy goes, uh, what's new with you?
I go, well, I, uh, had an interesting thing happen to me today.
I said, I met my neighbor.
And he goes, oh yeah.
I go, he had a hell of an interesting job.
I said, he's a professor of logic down at the university of science.
And, uh, so the guy says, is that so?
He says, uh, professor of logic.
He goes, what the hell is that logic?
I said, well, it's a series of Cicilla something or other.
Right, right.
I said, I can't remember exactly, but I said, uh, I'll give you an example if
you want to
hear an example.
So the guy goes, all right, fair enough.
So I said, uh, let me ask you this.
I said, uh, uh, uh, do you, let me ask you a question.
Do you own a dog house?
And the guy goes, uh, no, I don't own a dog house.
So, uh, I says to the guy, he says, oh yeah, you're one of them gays.
And here we work, right?
All right.
All right.
A lot of great stuff you can learn at that university of science there.
All right.
And then, and then the guy, and then get this.
Look at this.
There's more.
This gay guy.
Yeah.
Invites me to have a chicken at his brick.
That's some kind of euphemism.
Watch out.