Name: Norm Macdonald Listens to Lyndon Johnson Tapes on Youtube
Uploaded: 2023-08-07T12:46:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Listens to Lyndon Johnson Tapes on Youtube' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Listens to Lyndon Johnson Tapes on Youtube' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-07. Transcript available.

-I was watching on YouTube today, you going on Letterman.
-YouTube's fun, man. -Yeah, yeah.
-You know what I'm listening to now a lot, Tommy?
I'm listening to tapes, audio tapes of Lyndon Johnson.
-Really? Okay.
Well, now I understand that I believe that you actually do watch this website
now.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Really? What do you mean?
-Really? -Yeah. He put in the system, you know, that brought Nixon down, you
know.
-He put in the tape system? -Yeah, yeah.
-Okay. -And his are way more entertaining than Nixon's.
-So he put it in. That's kind of interesting.
I mean, that sounds like kind of what, you know, you build a system to record.
He did that, obviously, so he was very aware that it was there.
-Yeah, yeah. He was like you. -So he was sort of almost doing a radio show.
-He was like you. He did what you do. -He was Rupert Pupkin. Lyndon Johnson was
Rupert.
-Yeah. -So what are you?
-So the funny ones were, sometimes they're really funny.
Just like the Nixon ones, the funniest ones are when there's all these Nixon
tapes that you can listen to
in the Library of Congress that have nothing to do with Watergate.
They're way the fuck funnier.
Like it's just Nixon talking about his wife and shit.
And like one time his in-laws are coming and he's like,
"I think I'll go stay at Blair House. I don't like that lady with her cooking."
You know, and you're like, "Oh, it's weird. It's the president."
-How many hours of these tapes have you listened to? -I've listened to a lot of
them.
But the Johnson ones are the funniest.
So anyways, you probably didn't know this. I never fucking knew this.
And the guy from the New York Times may or may not have.
Anyway.
I can stand. He's checking his watch going, "What's the Simpsons made so far?"
-No, no, no.
-A little rickle.
So anyways, what was I talking about?
-The Lyndon Johnson tapes.
-Yeah, so I didn't know this.
Lyndon Johnson, he wins his election, right?
He's way ahead in the polls, like a week before the elections come.
And his chief of staff, they have a party, you know, because they're so happy.
Because next week they're going to be president again for four more years.
So they have a big party at the White House,
and his chief of staff goes across the street to a YMCA and blows a dude.
-Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
-So the next day...
-I'm going to take my jacket off here. This is ridiculous.
What happened here?
-Yeah, that's what happened.
-See that again.
-Okay, so Lyndon Johnson, right?
-Yeah.
-He's going to win.
-Yeah.
-He knows he's going to win.
He's way ahead in the polls.
As long as nothing crazy happens, right?
So he goes, "Hey, let's have a little party a week left, you know?
We're going to win easily unless something crazy thing happens, you know?"
And so they're having the party and everything.
-But how did anyone find out about the dude getting blown?
-Well, the chief of staff...
-Because the chief of staff, "Well, listen, if you go into a YM blow a guy, you
never know."
-But it just came out, did this actually come out in the press?
-Yeah, like they had a sting operation.
-And is this on the tapes?
Is this on the tapes?
-It was funny because it was in the old days, so the press couldn't say that,
you know?
So they had to say it in language that the audience didn't even kind of
understand.
They'd go like, "He was caught in a somewhat compromising situation in a young
man's Christians Association."
And people, old farmers would go, "Well, I wonder what happened there?"
So they wouldn't come, so I think that helped them.
But the conversations with Lyndon Johnson are hilarious because he goes, he's
just talking to his friends
and it's this long-time guy that he didn't know was gay, you know?
And he's like, "My golly, I could never have figured that for Bob.
I've known Bob 30 years."
And he goes, "I'd quicker say I was a fruit than him."
-Really? On the tape?
-On the tape, yeah.
-Where did you get the tapes?
-Lyndon Johnson said that.
Where did you get the tapes?
-And then the funniest thing is he phones J. Edgar Hoover, who he knows is gay,
right?
But he's like real powerful and everything, right?
-J. Edgar Hoover was good.
-Yeah, like, you know, he was a transvestite and he had dudes over him.
-Is this true?
-Yeah, yeah, no, that's fairly well-documented.
I'm not outing him.
I'm not Perez Hilton over here.
-Yeah, I know people...
-No, this is fairly...
-Yeah.
-He's well-documented.
So Lyndon Johnson knew for sure he was gay,
but he also, he was scared of him because he was so powerful.
So he just, like, needles him, you know?
And he's like...
So he's talking to him and he goes,
"I can't believe old Bob's one of them fellers."
You know, they didn't even have a word for it and stuff.
And so, uh, J. Edgar Hoover goes, uh,
"Well, sir, that's..."
He goes, "I have to ask a rather tough question here,
but now when Bob was involved in this,
was he more or less a sort of, you know, participant,
or was he more or less the feller that, you know,
instigated the thing?"
-He's asking if he's a catcher or a...
-Yes, I don't know.
-I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
-What have you got me?
Why are you talking about that?
-So the guy goes, uh, so then J. Edgar Hoover goes,
"Well, I wouldn't..."
"Well, Mr. President," he goes, "I'm sorry to tell you,
he was the instigator."
You know, and he goes, "Oh, good God."
He goes, "How do you spot a feller like that, Edgar?"
You know?
So then J. Edgar Hoover goes, "Well, I wouldn't know, sir."
He goes, "Oh, come on now, Edgar."
He goes, "If there's anybody that could spot a feller like that,
it'd be you.
Why, you're the head of the FBI."
-This isn't really what's on the tape.
-Yeah, no, it's true.
-Is that really on the tape?
-That's really on the tape.
J. Edgar Hoover's kind of mad.
He's like, "Ah, anyway, all right."
Yeah, you gotta hear it.
-Really?
-I'm bringing it in.
I know you love broadcasting.
-Where did you get the tapes?
-I read a book that were the history of the tapes,
and then I got the audio version of the book,
and the audio version was the tapes themselves.
-Really?
-I didn't know about it.
-Wow.
That's funny.
-What?
That's funny.
-I don't know.
-It's just too hard to move when you're standing right there.
It's just too hard to walk away and leave you like that.
Can we give it one more night?
Just one more night?
That's funny.
-That's funny.
That's funny.
-That's funny.
That's funny.
-That's funny.
That's funny.
That's funny.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
-I don't know what you want.
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