Name: Norm Macdonald on the Ladies Man of Hollywood
Uploaded: 2023-08-18T15:13:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on the Ladies Man of Hollywood' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on the Ladies Man of Hollywood' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-18. Transcript available.

uh because i was on uh who wants to be a millionaire who wants to be a
millionaire
yeah and that was my charity right so i won a half a million dollars and hold
the wall gang
hold the wall gang yeah i didn't tell them so they just got a check for 500
grand 500 should
have got a million so then yeah i want to get into that so then uh they keep
sending me a
fucking they want more money like they think oh it's like an alumni association
they think i'm a
guy with a half a million dollars every fucking year so uh i'm like no i don't
have a half a
million yeah this norm mcdonald he must be some sort of shipping magnet or
something i've never
heard of him but he evidently has very deep pockets and loves homeless children
so we should just keep
hitting him up for money that's exactly he was going to meet me so he's my hero
guy i love that
newman's your hero well i love all his movies and i love how he's conducted his
life oh boy do i have
a documentary for you really yeah the one you made yeah it's all about his
racing life oh that's
awesome because yeah i love that i don't know how old he was but he was 40 or
something you know he
was when he started racing yeah late 40s became one of the best four-time
national champion amazing
i got two of his championship cars a hundred feet from here and he's a by all
uh... uh... evidence he was monogamous with juran woodward you know he wasn't a
player when he was the
most handsome guy ever norm was this uh... it's a little paul newman going on
down there right
you know you know what's weird i just thought about norm i think you might
appreciate this conceptually
we appreciate two dudes we appreciate the guy who's been faithful to his wife
for 47 years and never
looked the other way with all the trappings of hollywood yeah and we then thus
also worship at the
altar of the guy who fucked everything that wasn't nailed down that guy was
serious
coxman i mean he fucked everyone we don't but when someone goes he fucked like
eight chicks over the course of 40 years
we go
i don't know about him well you know it's like uh... if a guy gets feast or
famine in the in the
fucking department one chick are 180 if a guy gets divorced twice he's kind of
a loser but if he gets divorced nine
times he has a character oh ladies man yeah hide that hide the daughters when
he comes into town i met uh mickey
rooney
mm-hmm so you know he had him was a big star in the world and he was married
norm's eating by the
way i'm sorry when what's going on so he was married to i don't know but it was
like ava gardener
like seven beautiful way big the biggest women in the most women in hollywood
so in his head
he still thought
he could get these women you know well it works on checks it doesn't work on
dudes
what i'm saying is be arthur or something yeah like if i if i if i found out
that the
lorenzo lamas jr was banging be arthur ten years ago i wouldn't go well
fuck give me a piece of that shit i'd go he's got a mental condition
but women when they find out that sophia loren is sucking off this fat producer
then they go oh must
be good enough for me you see how it works well i did see some people around
suck off
oh yeah is it true how do you think we know her name
lord god i don't i don't know for sure you're allowed on this show to just slander
say what we were well no i'm not luck she's a dear friend
so he's a dear friend no i don't know her background all i can say for sure is
this that it works this way
with women if there's one dude who beds a kardashian and a paris hilton he'll
then get
in a lindsay lohan he'll get to mow through other hollywood hot chicks like david
spade is that yeah
david spade is that guy and i would say he's the he's more because uh
warren bait he was always the gold standard but spade doesn't have the looks of
warren bait he's the
aw shucks rapist
rapist well i don't know why you brought up rapist
my lord no what i'm saying is spade has quietly mowed through the entire bevy
of blondes in this
town but he does it in a sort of unassuming way yeah spade is an interesting
character because he's
he's outside of hollywood he makes fun of it and yet he's deeply inside of all
balls deep a lot
yeah many would argue no way you know he'll be on red carpets and i went out
with him one time he's
like let's go to a bar we go to a bar and then you know people let us in which
is horrible you know
like the past everybody right you let those guys in the spin yeah there goes spade
and his bodyguards
his haggard bodyguard so um i've never seen a picture of george harrison not haggard
he's
easy somewhere but he's be haggard he's like beleaguered and haggard like he's
haggard with
a beleaguered yeah how about the fact that george harrison oh we got to get
back to it how about the
fact that he just got done beating cancer and a mad person broke into his
estate and stabbed him
repeatedly i forgot about that jesus christ that's bad luck and anyone think
that maybe hanging with
the dalai lama isn't what it's cracked up to be like in terms of karma how do
you get into those
like remember that guy was going to jump over um and rape steven spielberg and
right right duct tape
his mouth i don't know why you're so fixated on right that's what i'm saying i'm
just playing
it seems easier it is that kind of thing where it's like what happened well george
clooney was in
toronto shooting for three weeks and a woman moved into his house it's like it
seems a little casual
considering there's walls and security cameras and alarm systems but yeah
letterman would come home and
there'd be a lady yeah i thought he was his wife waiting in bed yeah and then
he left the phone
twice oh my lord i have a stock at this my stalker oh you have a stalker yeah
well hold on a second
hold on 68 year old lady all right so you and david spade are walking into a
bar okay oh i was saying
that yeah so yeah so we go into the bar so it's packed with people you know and
i don't like a lot
of people and then you get a little plastic drink and you drink and then spade
goes let's get out of
here and i'm like what and i don't even want to be there and you know you're an
inch from somebody's
face and so then we go to another bar he does the exact same thing right let's
get out of here so he
just goes places and exits yeah but i think there's a power i think there's a
certain power in leaving
yeah i guess there is yeah but with women he you know he's he plays the long
game like he's always
texting them you know he doesn't bed them the night he meets them like a year
later right but he's got
so many i fucks them in the bathroom yeah but not on a bed never on a bed wait
no i hear what you're
saying i'm reading between the lines i can't talk about that now it's gonna
sound like i'm saying
no no what he does is he quietly like here's what i'm saying yeah here's what i'm
saying if you had a
list yeah of the famous coxman of the town with the warren beatys of the world
and the wilt chamberlains
and stuff like that somewhere in the 13th spot would be david spade and
everyone would go how do
you get on this list a cute little blonde guy way farther up than that way
farther up i put him maybe
number one well that's what i'm saying in terms of sheer numbers quietly goes
about his business yes
he does until we start talking about it i know we shouldn't but yeah he's very
like uh self-deprecating
about it but he also you know he knows everything that a young girl knows yeah
that a beautiful 20
year old he can talk to them about yeah keeping up with the kardashians and uh
right you know whatever
whatever the hell right and then you know
another industry nobody's gonna change you won't ever leave
on my mind again i'm still not tired of it can make you want me
and i may act okay say things will stay the same saying all i need
but every other night i'm begging for that high i'll come clean
half the time just wanna stop can't find another you if i'm lost
the press would be great tim russer right yeah you and tim me and tim would be
a great load of
laughs you guys you guys lost me he doesn't know what tim russer anything about
tim russer he only
knows supermodels i get blank stares yeah you you uh hey listen larry you live
next to me in uh
beverly hills now you knew clamp it you're right next to me i just heard you're
gonna come by don't
give the address we're gonna have i know where you are you're by natenhausen my
house has a water
wiggle out front and you're gonna have to come by and hang out with me what is
that what's a water
wiggle that's his thing for a supermodel shut up what an idiot