Name: Norm Macdonald The Recluse
Uploaded: 2023-09-07T18:32:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald The Recluse' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald The Recluse' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-07. Transcript available.

Norm is perfectly capable of, like, shaving and putting on a little Grecian
formula and putting a tie and a suit on and going to New York and doing a
really funny, kick-ass, five-minute stand-up comedy set.
But then you talk to him about doing podcasts or projects or teaming up or
whatever.
Norm is like, Norm can't leave his apartment because if he gets up, he'll kick
over a jug of urine, and he'll lose his cleaning deposit, and he does not drive.
He does not drive himself.
Oh, no, he does not.
By the way, move to L.A. and then make the proclamation, I don't drive.
And it's like saying, I can't be employed.
Like, he should just fucking take ropes and put himself onto the bed like James
Caan in Misery.
He doesn't drive?
No, he does not drive.
Why?
He has a helper person, females, whatever.
I did just, it's so insane.
And then, you know, people tweet me all the time, like, hey, hey, Skid Norm on,
man.
You guys are dynamite together.
Everyone loves you and Norm together.
And I'm like, it would be awesome if he was capable of getting inside of a
Volvo and propelling himself in my direction.
Where does he live?
He lives somewhere on the west side, sort of beach city.
He's in L.A.?
Yeah, he's in L.A.
Oh, okay.
All right.
He does not drive.
Well, that can be fixed.
I agree.
Are you taking his beautiful Dave Letterman moment and making it about the fact
that you can't get him to do anything with you?
That's exactly what's happening, yeah.
I just see the guy.
People, yes, I'm seeing it because he is so good when he wants to be good.
He puts himself together and he puts himself together and it's perfect and then
you see him and he's got like a gray beard and he's walking around with Kleenex
boxes on for slippers and it's like, look, just fucking get your driver's
license and come on out.
You're going to join the rest of us.
You're going to join the rest of us in society.
Well, no, I feel like Norm's talent is being wasted in Norm's apartment instead
of out with us.
See, I don't know anything about what Norm's doing.
You catch him every now and then on a clip.
You catch him, maybe he calls in somewhere and I've seen him there.
He seems to tweet a lot now, though.
He'll tweet.
Guess what you can do from your living room.
Yeah, he'll watch an entire round of golf, the Masters.
He'll tweet every shot.
He'll go on long rants.
Well, he showed up at the SNL thing.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, again, that's the whole thing.
He cleans himself up.
He shaves, he puts on a suit, and he goes out and does a really funny stand-up
set.
You wouldn't even need him to clean himself up or a suit.
I'm wearing pajamas right now with slippers.
I'm wearing fucking practically pajamas myself.
I know.
I know.
I just, all I'm saying is he is one of the funniest guys on the planet.
It would be nice if he could, somebody just backhand him and yell, get hold of
yourself,
and then, you know, give him a shot of vermouth or something and go, let's go.
We're going down to fucking DMV.
Maybe that's you.
We're getting a license.
I told, I think I told him.
That guy sounds hot.
It's either that or Gilbert Godfrey.
I can't remember.
But I told one of them, I will teach you how to drive.
I have.
You don't need to, in his position, he can get someone to drive in places.
Oh, there's Uber.
I love Uber.
Oh, you hate Uber?
No, I love it.
I just can't.
It's impossible.
The answer, yes, is you could get someone to do it.
Has he never driven?
Maybe he just has a social phobia that only goes away when he goes to New York
for major
television farewells and finales.
Was there a driving-related trauma?
I don't want to belabor this, but I'm fascinated.
No, there are many people that we just, they're allowed to just announce to the
world that
they're nuts, essentially.
And then they can do whatever idiosyncratic behavior they like.
And then everyone just sort of covers for them.
They go, you know, Gilbert Godfrey or Norm or whoever.
Everyone goes, oh, you know, they don't drive.
But no one ever goes, why the fuck not?
I've been driving since I was 15 and a half.
It's no big deal.
That's like Bill Cosby doesn't have sex with women who are awake.
That was his thing.
That's his thing.
He announced it.
You know how it is.
Maybe he should have announced it.
He should have.
Yeah.
We've been forgiving.
As a matter of fact, I told Annie earlier that she said, well, how did you and
Norm meet?
I said, well, I said, I always would end up, you know, it's not like we hung
out at, you
know, the deli every night together, but Norm and I always ended up at these
functions that
we kind of had to be at.
And I said, well, probably the way Norm and I really bonded was because we were
the only
other person that we wanted to talk to.
Like we'd just end up in the corner talking to each other because we'd be
looking around
thinking, why aren't we here?
You know, when we did Armageddon, you know, it was like the first time I'd ever
been in
a, like a big movie, you know.
And I was sitting here, it was here at Culver Studios.
That's right.
And, and so I was sitting there with Owen Wilson and Owen, not many people knew
Owen at the
time.
He wasn't as big a deal yet.
And Steve Buscemi was there and Will Patton.
And we were all sitting over here.
And here's like, you know, Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay and Bruce Willis
and all these
cats.
And, and I was sitting over there and Buscemi was looking over at Owen and they
was looking
at me and he, and all of a sudden Buscemi looks at me and he goes, what the
fuck are we
doing here?
That's a great Buscemi impression.
That's a good Buscemi impression.
And he was right.
You know, it's like, what, what, I mean, and you know, the movie turned out.
Well, everybody's so fucking handsome.
Also, and then, especially when they're crowded parties, you're like, whoa, the
guy fucking
right there.
And then, yeah, also you don't remember what he was in or, you know.
You know.
I read, uh.
It's frightening most people.
I, I couldn't imagine being in one of those.
And then I feel like they're at every party.
You know, like, like, like, like, like, I know David Spade is a really, a
really funny
guy.
Yeah.
But he goes to every party and every red carpet.
And I'm like, man, I don't know how you do that.
Like, it's gotta be exhausting.
Yeah.
As well as, as, uh, maintaining a career.
Right.
Right.
I know.
I mean, well, David's got a, I know David a little bit and he, he's got that
type of
personality, I think, maybe where he can do that, you know.
Me, I get, you know, tongue-tied and they always ask me some, you know, stupid
question
that I don't really want to answer.
And then I always end up answering it anyway.
You know what I mean?
And the next thing you know.
Yeah.