Name: Norm Macdonald Humiliates a Teacher
Uploaded: 2023-09-16T16:26:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Humiliates a Teacher' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Humiliates a Teacher' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-16. Transcript available.

People often say to me, you know who the real heroes are?
I go, are they the real heroes?
They go, no.
I go, oh, they're the teachers.
It's counterintuitive that it doesn't seem like a heroic job,
but yes.
First of all, if you're a teacher,
you get the same vacations as a child.
I'm like, four months a year off.
My vacation, I get almost no time off.
We're 48 weeks a year.
Four weeks a year, I get up.
What about you?
You're not one of those f***ing teachers, right?
You seem like a teacher.
Now, are you a teacher?
What do you teach?
What grade?
What grade?
What grade?
What grade?
What grade?
What grade?
No, but we're great.
Not so easy when it's the other way around.
It's not as easy to ask the questions.
No, the real heroes are the f*cking students.
I don't know if you have any questions.
Now what grade do you teach?
9 or 12. So you need a grade 13 education.
No, you're the real hero. No, you're the real hero.
No, I'm just kidding. You're the real hero.
You're not the real hero. Shut the f*cking up.
I've been searching for what's missing, but the answer...
See, this is what's the problem with our society though.
What is it?
When they go, "Hey, the hardest job in the world is being a mom."
Or the hardest job in the world is being a teacher.
It's hard. Hard jobs.
No, it's not.
They're hard jobs.
My mom was a teacher.
Let me tell you something.
Two hardest jobs in the world.
I think hooking is the harder job.
She had the easiest job.
The teacher is probably the easiest job in the planet.
Why?
How can you say that?
First of all, my mother and my father are both teachers.
They got all the, you get all the vacations that children do.
You're always off.
You have the entire summary of two weeks Christmas, two weeks Easter.
You work in an atmosphere where it's just you and children.
With young, stupid, short, stupid people.
They don't know much.
You're brilliant.
Yeah.
You don't have to learn anything.
They're all frightened of you.
You can say anything you want.
You never take a test.
See, I don't know if you've ever gotten.
That's true.
I go now.
When I was a kid, I thought my teachers were so smart.
Now I have a kid.
I meet these teachers.
They're not smart at all.
How can you say that?
Because it's true.
They're just like regular goofy people.
Well, that's what you realize.
And they have the only, my kid's teacher went crazy.
And they could not fire her because of.
Because the job's so hard.
The kids made her crazy.
Yeah, but she has whatever you call it, tenure.
They don't have that in any other job.
No, I know.
They have a union that has a stranglehold.
They've got to fire you before your tenure starts.
Yeah.
That's one of the things.
They've got to fire you from the easiest job ever.
Your babysitter's funny.
Those are heroes.
Those are also the heroes.
They're like the real heroes are the moms and the teachers.
Well, they are.
Not the guys on Iwo Jima planting a flag.
Okay, they were heroes too.
Not the firemen that run into buildings.
No, no.
No one's denying those people are heroic.
It's a teacher.
It's a person that shows up at a school and is the tallest person in the class.
A good teacher.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
That's a good one.
I tell you, my mom and dad were both teachers.
It's the simplest job in the world.
When I was a kid, I thought everyone got that much vacation.
I was like shocked to learn that you, I thought everyone had the summer off.
I thought everyone had three weeks off for Christmas.
Well, when you're doing your own sitcoms, surely you have six months a year off.
I mean, that has to be teacher-esque.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
It's teacher-esque.
Don't they say that having a sitcom is about the closest you can get?
That's about the hardest job in the world.
No, shut up.
Yeah, those are the real heroes.
That's easy fun.
Oh, my God.
You're making the people laugh.
Lindsay, you're on the air.
Hey, Norm.
Hi, Lindsay.
Hi.
I teach fifth grade.
Huh?
Yeah.
It's hard.
Yeah.
I'm sure it's hard.
I mean...
805 says, "Rude.
I'm a second grade teacher and I hate you."
Rude?
That sounds like a second grade teacher.
Now, Jimmy, that was just rude.
Can you think of another way to say that?
To be a second grade teacher, you just have to be smarter than a second grade
student.
That's about the only thing you have to be.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Basically, you need third grade intelligence.