Name: The BEST Norm Macdonald Impressions
Uploaded: 2023-10-23T00:05:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The BEST Norm Macdonald Impressions' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The BEST Norm Macdonald Impressions' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-23. Transcript available.

Everyone who meets you does an impression of you.
What?
You're one of those guys that you make such an impression on people that
everyone that meets you does a Norm MacDonald.
It's amazing how like some of your friends like you know seriously like those
guys came out of Saturday Night Live like Sandler, you, Chris Rock.
There's a lot of guys who sort of all of a sudden are like real big players.
Everyone's doing pretty well.
Norm, Norm got his own TV show.
Norm's doing well.
What?
What?
Do you hang out with Norm or is it impossible?
It's pretty impossible because he's crazy.
He is.
In L.A. I call him and he goes, he goes, I go, what happened last week?
I called you to go on.
You called me?
And I go, yeah.
On my phone?
I go, yeah.
And he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, I got that.
I go, you didn't call me back?
No, no.
And he's serious.
Yeah, he's crazy.
And yeah, I know.
Like I have him on the show.
I love him, though.
He's the funniest guy around.
I think you need to be kind of crazy to be really funny.
He is very funny.
I'm just walking into the bar.
It was noon when he called me.
It was 8.30 at night.
He goes, where are you going?
And I'm like, I'm fucking hammering.
I'm going home.
He's like, I just got here.
And I'm like, I know.
I fucking, you're eight hours late.
Well, I have a fucking beer.
I ain't being weird.
I'm not.
I wanted to go.
I can't walk or see.
I call up Norm.
I said, Norm, you want to go to Palm Springs for me?
It's a three-day Jim McLean course.
Yeah.
So I pick him up.
He rides out there with his feet out the window all the way listening to Johnny
Cash.
Remember that?
Yeah.
And we get out there.
And the next morning, I call him to wake him up to go.
He's sound asleep.
I got to call him like three times and knock on his door.
I didn't want to.
And then he gets up.
So he goes, I can't find my shoes.
He looked me with a little kid.
I saw you on Conan once, and you did say, you said crack whore and midget
several times.
Yeah.
So then I did do a thing, full confession.
I did Norm MacDonald as an alarm clock.
And it was like, this is what I was like, wake up.
Hey, wake up there.
There's a crack whore and a midget in your bed.
So I just thought that was really funny, right?
What about the other impressions?
The drunk guy comes up to him at the bar and goes, hey, aren't you Norma?
And he's gone.
He's just suddenly gone.
And Norma's back at the bar going, hey, what happened to that guy?
Where'd he go?
That's right up.
Where'd he go?
That's pretty good.
Yeah, I can get you down.
That's pretty good.
Kind of in here somewhere.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, yeah.
This character is voiced by Norm MacDonald.
Yeah, that's Yaffet.
And that is a, he's just a blob.
He's a blob.
Yeah, and how did you get Norm to do it?
I love Norm MacDonald.
You know, I asked him, do you want to be a blob?
And he's like, yeah, I'll be a blob.
Why not?
Yeah, sure, I'll be a blob, blah, blah.
And that's how it happened.
Is that really?
Are you buddies with Norm?
You know, I don't know Norm super well, but I've been a huge fan of his for
many, many years.
He's that guy who's, you know, for me, he's like, he's high on the list of SNL
people.
I'll just say, he goes, hey, Dan, that everyone's a real pain in the ass like
you.
And you're a screw.
Nobody likes you.
Nobody likes you.
Nobody can stand you.
I can't stand you.
You ask me around anyway.
Three seconds.
And he just insulted him on such levels that was so wrong that I can't repeat.
And literally, when the sketch started, he turned and goes, imagine if you will.
I just nailed it.
He's probably the funniest, smartest person I've ever met.
I'll give you a story about Norm.
When Dirty Word came out, the reviews weren't great.
It's become like a cult thing, but especially up here.
And the people are very affectionate about that movie.
And I think that's a testament to Norm.
I got to hang out with Chris Farley for like two weeks.
It was his last movie, you know.
And he was the funniest human being I ever met in my life.
So him and Norm, Adam Sandler came up to do a part.
Don Rickles, Chevy Chase.
It was like unbelievable.
It was great.
So the review came out, and my hometown paper, the critic said,
Artie Lang has all the charm of a date rapist.
Oh, my goodness.
He said, okay?
They can write that?
My mother read that.
Oh, my God.
So Norm, this is how smart Norm is.
Within three seconds, this was Norm's response when I told him.
Because he thought he was upset.
He goes, hey, man, that's fucking great.
I said, what do you mean?
He goes, a date rapist has to have way more charm than a regular rapist.
Like, to think of something that witty right away, that's the kind of guy he is.
He's laughing.
You know, Norm's one of those guys, he'll write something.
It's a really funny joke, but also that you realize he's a sick fucker.
You know, it's like he said, you ever find yourselves in one of Norm's bits,
which I just fell off my chair and he said, you ever find yourself lying,
telling a lie, and you're halfway through, you realize, wait a minute,
there's no possible way I could benefit from this lie.
Why am I lying?
Say, hey, did you see Avatar?
Yeah.
To me, that's just a monster.
Yeah.
You know, that's a twisted mind.
Yeah, he's kidding.
If you want to hear a story, I love me a Norm story.
One time we were in the office doing update stuff,
and there had been a news item about there was going to be a newspaper for the
homeless.
You know, and so we were thinking about doing some of that.
So we started improvising.
It was more of a scene, not something we could do on a segment,
but it was like a tough kind of Perry White kind of editor going like,
you, Miller, I want 500 words on going to the bathroom in your pants.
You, you know, give me something, give me a human interest thing on here and
stay in that.
You, you know, that kind of thing.
Yeah.
Like a lot of photos, maybe some, you know, a little human side, you know.
What are, you know, pets, that kind of thing.
So nothing came of it, and I sort of forgot we had the conversation.
And then the first meeting we have after the summer, Norm comes to you.
Hey, hey, Downey, remember that thing we were talking about there with the,
remember that thing with the newspaper for the homeless, you know, that thing,
the homeless newspaper?
I go, yeah, yeah.
He goes, yeah, well, you know, I was out in L.A.,
and I was asked to do this benefit, you know, for the coalition to feed the
homeless.
And, you know, I, and I'm going, no, no, you just know.
And he goes, yeah, you know, I, I, I did that bit, you know.
They hated it.
They hated it.
All right, you tell me now.
He, that's part of the, that's the Andy Kaufman part of the joke,
or is he actually surprised that they hated it?
That's what I can't quite figure it would look like.
I know.
Well, you know what, I like Norm Macdonald.
Let's, let's give him, let's give him the money for the week.
I didn't even know he had a podcast.
Oh, yeah, dude, Norm Macdonald.
Did you see him on Conan telling that moth joke?
No.
Yeah, you got to see it.
No, I haven't.
Dude, I, like, you know how many comics out there don't give a fuck,
but kind of still do?
You have to kind of still do to eat.
That guy truly, he's so fucking funny.
One of my, one of my best opening monologue jokes ever.
Did you ever see, you know, I remember that whole thing when he was doing Weekend
Update,
and they told him to make it funnier, so, and he didn't.
He just, he just was more Norm the next week, so eventually, of course, he gets
fired.
So then, you know, he goes, you know, goes off into the Hollywood world.
He's got a TV show or a hit movie or some shit.
So now they bring him back to guest host on SNL, and he, I'm going to butcher
this,
but he kind of came out, he's like, yeah, so, you know, I got, yeah, people
know I got fired from this show.
So now they got me back hosting, which means either I got a lot funnier, or
this show sucks.
That's what he opened up with, and I know that that wasn't approved.
Sorry for the bad Norm.
I'll have Jay Moore on to make up for it.
That was a great Norm.
Norm, listening to Norm on Stern or anything, any podcast, listening to, I don't
know if you remember
when Charles Grodin would do Letterman, and just knowing he's going on there,
that it was always a fucking great show.
Oh, yeah, and people didn't get that he was fucking around.
Yeah, that's how Norm is anytime.
If Norm's the guest, I'm fucking around.
Hey, now listen, did I hear some rumble that Sandler, brother Sandler,
sent out Maseratis to the cast of grownups?
Did you, did you reap the benefit?
First of all, let me just say one thing.
Nothing's better than he, it's a Pelosi or Gustav's reference.
I'm still swooning over that one.
Yeah, Sandler, get Maseratis to Spade, Schneider, Kevin James, Chris Rock,
all of whom need one, by the way.
Right.
Exactly.
What'd you get?
But me and Norm MacDonald, yeah, we're splitting a zip car.
And, you know, you split a zip car with Norm, it's like having one of those,
you know,
those Christmas trees the drivers have that smells like North Slope sense of me.
Yeah, this car, I don't know, they must have been smoking pot in here or
something.
Norm cancels on us once every two weeks, and I almost enjoy it more than him
showing up at this point,
because he always wants me to talk to some ventriloquist puppet that he says is
on the phone.
A holocaust a night, what has happened to Norman?
And then when he sees you, he's going to go, how come you never have me on your
show?
I know.
We tried to get you on, what?
Nobody funnier, though.
I mean, you've got to give it to him.
Nobody funnier.
That guy, if I'm in a room with him for ten minutes, they've got to put the paddles
on me,
because I flatline from there.
Now, what if Norm MacDonald tried out for the floaters?
Well, are we down a member?
How did I get here?
Who left?
We want a Canadian.
Norm MacDonald, this is take two.
Now, I guess it's 2A or three now, you know.
You're getting mired in this, Norm.
As the floaters.
You're up in your head, just speak from your heart, you know.
Oh, you want me to let it float?
Float, yeah, float.
All right, all right, all right.
I'm a Sagittarius.
My name is Norm.
That's short for Norman.
And I like a girl with a really big butt.
You met Trump recently, is that right?
I met Donald Trump at a...
Is this a true story?
Yes, sir.
Or is this one of your, he has a farm and a goat?
He comes by.
Because I'm not putting up with that shit.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I saw a tryout.
Trump, he had a, he had a farm.
He had a, he said, I want you to meet my donkey, he said.
And I was like, well, Mr. Trump, I know you're running for president, but tell
me more about
this here donkey.
Well, he says, if you want to see the donkey, you got to first meet my three
daughters.
Now, the first one's shy, the second one's sexy, and the third one has one leg.
I'm making all of this up.
I know.
But this is exactly what you do.
At the end.
Straight to the heart.
I had a long time acting like I was a bro.
Get a part by you.
Weirder the voice, the more fun they are to watch.
Like, Norm MacDonald.
I love Norm MacDonald.
Great comedian.
But he's, he's, if you don't know who he is, he's the guy who's the theory.
Who needs a punchline when you have the word crack whore?
See, I said that.
Oh, God, I just said it there, you know?
Is it offensive when I do you to you?
No, you do it.
You do it nice.
It's exaggerated.
It depends.
Like, some people.
All my impressions are nice.
Some people, like, like Frank Caliando, he, you know, he puts a comment in
there.
He's like, eh, eh.
See, I don't, I don't, no, I don't see that.
He's like, well, why, why have a, why do you don't need a punchline if you take
crack whore?
Yeah, I'm like, well, that's more of a comment, right?
I can do an impression of myself.
Yeah.
Hey, what's going on?
Hey, hey.
I've never heard you say that.
Hey, what's going on?
Hey, what's going on?
Sounds like you doing an impression of, the real way they're doing an
impression of you.
Hey, Sam Jackman, yeah.

The BEST Norm Macdonald Impressions

Everyone who meets you does an impression of you.
What?
You're one of those guys that you make such an impression on people that
everyone that meets you does a Norm MacDonald.
It's amazing how like some of your friends like you know seriously like those
guys came out of Saturday Night Live like Sandler, you, Chris Rock.
There's a lot of guys who sort of all of a sudden are like real big players.
Everyone's doing pretty well.
Norm, Norm got his own TV show.
Norm's doing well.
What?
What?
Do you hang out with Norm or is it impossible?
It's pretty impossible because he's crazy.
He is.
In L.A. I call him and he goes, he goes, I go, what happened last week?
I called you to go on.
You called me?
And I go, yeah.
On my phone?
I go, yeah.
And he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, I got that.
I go, you didn't call me back?
No, no.
And he's serious.
Yeah, he's crazy.
And yeah, I know.
Like I have him on the show.
I love him, though.
He's the funniest guy around.
I think you need to be kind of crazy to be really funny.
He is very funny.
I'm just walking into the bar.
It was noon when he called me.
It was 8.30 at night.
He goes, where are you going?
And I'm like, I'm fucking hammering.
I'm going home.
He's like, I just got here.
And I'm like, I know.
I fucking, you're eight hours late.
Well, I have a fucking beer.
I ain't being weird.
I'm not.
I wanted to go.
I can't walk or see.
I call up Norm.
I said, Norm, you want to go to Palm Springs for me?
It's a three-day Jim McLean course.
Yeah.
So I pick him up.
He rides out there with his feet out the window all the way listening to Johnny
Cash.
Remember that?
Yeah.
And we get out there.
And the next morning, I call him to wake him up to go.
He's sound asleep.
I got to call him like three times and knock on his door.
I didn't want to.
And then he gets up.
So he goes, I can't find my shoes.
He looked me with a little kid.
I saw you on Conan once, and you did say, you said crack whore and midget
several times.
Yeah.
So then I did do a thing, full confession.
I did Norm MacDonald as an alarm clock.
And it was like, this is what I was like, wake up.
Hey, wake up there.
There's a crack whore and a midget in your bed.
So I just thought that was really funny, right?
What about the other impressions?
The drunk guy comes up to him at the bar and goes, hey, aren't you Norma?
And he's gone.
He's just suddenly gone.
And Norma's back at the bar going, hey, what happened to that guy?
Where'd he go?
That's right up.
Where'd he go?
That's pretty good.
Yeah, I can get you down.
That's pretty good.
Kind of in here somewhere.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, yeah.
This character is voiced by Norm MacDonald.
Yeah, that's Yaffet.
And that is a, he's just a blob.
He's a blob.
Yeah, and how did you get Norm to do it?
I love Norm MacDonald.
You know, I asked him, do you want to be a blob?
And he's like, yeah, I'll be a blob.
Why not?
Yeah, sure, I'll be a blob, blah, blah.
And that's how it happened.
Is that really?
Are you buddies with Norm?
You know, I don't know Norm super well, but I've been a huge fan of his for
many, many years.
He's that guy who's, you know, for me, he's like, he's high on the list of SNL
people.
I'll just say, he goes, hey, Dan, that everyone's a real pain in the ass like
you.
And you're a screw.
Nobody likes you.
Nobody likes you.
Nobody can stand you.
I can't stand you.
You ask me around anyway.
Three seconds.
And he just insulted him on such levels that was so wrong that I can't repeat.
And literally, when the sketch started, he turned and goes, imagine if you will.
I just nailed it.
He's probably the funniest, smartest person I've ever met.
I'll give you a story about Norm.
When Dirty Word came out, the reviews weren't great.
It's become like a cult thing, but especially up here.
And the people are very affectionate about that movie.
And I think that's a testament to Norm.
I got to hang out with Chris Farley for like two weeks.
It was his last movie, you know.
And he was the funniest human being I ever met in my life.
So him and Norm, Adam Sandler came up to do a part.
Don Rickles, Chevy Chase.
It was like unbelievable.
It was great.
So the review came out, and my hometown paper, the critic said,
Artie Lang has all the charm of a date rapist.
Oh, my goodness.
He said, okay?
They can write that?
My mother read that.
Oh, my God.
So Norm, this is how smart Norm is.
Within three seconds, this was Norm's response when I told him.
Because he thought he was upset.
He goes, hey, man, that's fucking great.
I said, what do you mean?
He goes, a date rapist has to have way more charm than a regular rapist.
Like, to think of something that witty right away, that's the kind of guy he is.
He's laughing.
You know, Norm's one of those guys, he'll write something.
It's a really funny joke, but also that you realize he's a sick fucker.
You know, it's like he said, you ever find yourselves in one of Norm's bits,
which I just fell off my chair and he said, you ever find yourself lying,
telling a lie, and you're halfway through, you realize, wait a minute,
there's no possible way I could benefit from this lie.
Why am I lying?
Say, hey, did you see Avatar?
Yeah.
To me, that's just a monster.
Yeah.
You know, that's a twisted mind.
Yeah, he's kidding.
If you want to hear a story, I love me a Norm story.
One time we were in the office doing update stuff,
and there had been a news item about there was going to be a newspaper for the
homeless.
You know, and so we were thinking about doing some of that.
So we started improvising.
It was more of a scene, not something we could do on a segment,
but it was like a tough kind of Perry White kind of editor going like,
you, Miller, I want 500 words on going to the bathroom in your pants.
You, you know, give me something, give me a human interest thing on here and
stay in that.
You, you know, that kind of thing.
Yeah.
Like a lot of photos, maybe some, you know, a little human side, you know.
What are, you know, pets, that kind of thing.
So nothing came of it, and I sort of forgot we had the conversation.
And then the first meeting we have after the summer, Norm comes to you.
Hey, hey, Downey, remember that thing we were talking about there with the,
remember that thing with the newspaper for the homeless, you know, that thing,
the homeless newspaper?
I go, yeah, yeah.
He goes, yeah, well, you know, I was out in L.A.,
and I was asked to do this benefit, you know, for the coalition to feed the
homeless.
And, you know, I, and I'm going, no, no, you just know.
And he goes, yeah, you know, I, I, I did that bit, you know.
They hated it.
They hated it.
All right, you tell me now.
He, that's part of the, that's the Andy Kaufman part of the joke,
or is he actually surprised that they hated it?
That's what I can't quite figure it would look like.
I know.
Well, you know what, I like Norm Macdonald.
Let's, let's give him, let's give him the money for the week.
I didn't even know he had a podcast.
Oh, yeah, dude, Norm Macdonald.
Did you see him on Conan telling that moth joke?
No.
Yeah, you got to see it.
No, I haven't.
Dude, I, like, you know how many comics out there don't give a fuck,
but kind of still do?
You have to kind of still do to eat.
That guy truly, he's so fucking funny.
One of my, one of my best opening monologue jokes ever.
Did you ever see, you know, I remember that whole thing when he was doing Weekend
Update,
and they told him to make it funnier, so, and he didn't.
He just, he just was more Norm the next week, so eventually, of course, he gets
fired.
So then, you know, he goes, you know, goes off into the Hollywood world.
He's got a TV show or a hit movie or some shit.
So now they bring him back to guest host on SNL, and he, I'm going to butcher
this,
but he kind of came out, he's like, yeah, so, you know, I got, yeah, people
know I got fired from this show.
So now they got me back hosting, which means either I got a lot funnier, or
this show sucks.
That's what he opened up with, and I know that that wasn't approved.
Sorry for the bad Norm.
I'll have Jay Moore on to make up for it.
That was a great Norm.
Norm, listening to Norm on Stern or anything, any podcast, listening to, I don't
know if you remember
when Charles Grodin would do Letterman, and just knowing he's going on there,
that it was always a fucking great show.
Oh, yeah, and people didn't get that he was fucking around.
Yeah, that's how Norm is anytime.
If Norm's the guest, I'm fucking around.
Hey, now listen, did I hear some rumble that Sandler, brother Sandler,
sent out Maseratis to the cast of grownups?
Did you, did you reap the benefit?
First of all, let me just say one thing.
Nothing's better than he, it's a Pelosi or Gustav's reference.
I'm still swooning over that one.
Yeah, Sandler, get Maseratis to Spade, Schneider, Kevin James, Chris Rock,
all of whom need one, by the way.
Right.
Exactly.
What'd you get?
But me and Norm MacDonald, yeah, we're splitting a zip car.
And, you know, you split a zip car with Norm, it's like having one of those,
you know,
those Christmas trees the drivers have that smells like North Slope sense of me.
Yeah, this car, I don't know, they must have been smoking pot in here or
something.
Norm cancels on us once every two weeks, and I almost enjoy it more than him
showing up at this point,
because he always wants me to talk to some ventriloquist puppet that he says is
on the phone.
A holocaust a night, what has happened to Norman?
And then when he sees you, he's going to go, how come you never have me on your
show?
I know.
We tried to get you on, what?
Nobody funnier, though.
I mean, you've got to give it to him.
Nobody funnier.
That guy, if I'm in a room with him for ten minutes, they've got to put the paddles
on me,
because I flatline from there.
Now, what if Norm MacDonald tried out for the floaters?
Well, are we down a member?
How did I get here?
Who left?
We want a Canadian.
Norm MacDonald, this is take two.
Now, I guess it's 2A or three now, you know.
You're getting mired in this, Norm.
As the floaters.
You're up in your head, just speak from your heart, you know.
Oh, you want me to let it float?
Float, yeah, float.
All right, all right, all right.
I'm a Sagittarius.
My name is Norm.
That's short for Norman.
And I like a girl with a really big butt.
You met Trump recently, is that right?
I met Donald Trump at a...
Is this a true story?
Yes, sir.
Or is this one of your, he has a farm and a goat?
He comes by.
Because I'm not putting up with that shit.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I saw a tryout.
Trump, he had a, he had a farm.
He had a, he said, I want you to meet my donkey, he said.
And I was like, well, Mr. Trump, I know you're running for president, but tell
me more about
this here donkey.
Well, he says, if you want to see the donkey, you got to first meet my three
daughters.
Now, the first one's shy, the second one's sexy, and the third one has one leg.
I'm making all of this up.
I know.
But this is exactly what you do.
At the end.
Straight to the heart.
I had a long time acting like I was a bro.
Get a part by you.
Weirder the voice, the more fun they are to watch.
Like, Norm MacDonald.
I love Norm MacDonald.
Great comedian.
But he's, he's, if you don't know who he is, he's the guy who's the theory.
Who needs a punchline when you have the word crack whore?
See, I said that.
Oh, God, I just said it there, you know?
Is it offensive when I do you to you?
No, you do it.
You do it nice.
It's exaggerated.
It depends.
Like, some people.
All my impressions are nice.
Some people, like, like Frank Caliando, he, you know, he puts a comment in
there.
He's like, eh, eh.
See, I don't, I don't, no, I don't see that.
He's like, well, why, why have a, why do you don't need a punchline if you take
crack whore?
Yeah, I'm like, well, that's more of a comment, right?
I can do an impression of myself.
Yeah.
Hey, what's going on?
Hey, hey.
I've never heard you say that.
Hey, what's going on?
Hey, what's going on?
Sounds like you doing an impression of, t