Name: The GREATEST Jon Lovitz Story
Uploaded: 2023-10-26T23:38:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The GREATEST Jon Lovitz Story' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The GREATEST Jon Lovitz Story' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-26. Transcript available.

Norm has a CD. It's called Norm MacDonald. Ridiculous. It's coming out
September 12th. It's a comedy CD, of course.
And you got some famous people, a.k.a. friends of yours, to do some bits on
there with you. Is that right?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of my friends did it.
Will Ferrell, correct?
Yeah, the great Will Ferrell was in it. He was kind enough to do it.
Molly Shannon?
Yes, the great Molly Shannon was in it. She was kind enough. Some of this will
be repetitious.
Is Tim Meadows great or is he superb?
Tim Meadows is a real talent.
You got John Lovitz on there?
Yeah.
You ever see that guy play softball, by the way? Speaking of baseball and hats,
you ever see him hit the ball?
I've seen him do stand-up.
He tried starting stand-up when he was 50.
Really?
What about those Subway commercials? That's kind of...
Yeah, it's great. He got a catchphrase for the first time in 18 years.
And what's the catchphrase?
Eat fresh.
Oh, eat fresh. And he gets to wear a bathrobe on TV.
Yeah.
I buy Subway sandwiches.
No, no, he's a really funny guy. He's hysterical.
How long...
Yeah, I know. I listen to that show, actually.
What if you... You play tennis with John Lovitz? What is that?
No, I play tennis with John Lovitz.
John Lovitz goes every day to the Beverly Wiltshire and...
Well, it's an expensive Beverly Hills hotel. I don't know what it's called.
But anyways, the guy there, the coach is Alex Olmeda, who's a Peruvian tennis
player from Holden.
He's very good. He played... You know, he beat Ron Laver three times.
Right.
And so he's 60 or whatever, but, you know, a Peruvian 60, you know?
Does that mean he's a young 60 or a young 60?
No, a handsome.
He's a young 60.
Yes, sexy.
Peruvian 60, I like that.
Yeah, a Peruvian 60.
So you could still imagine him with a lady.
Right.
You know what I mean? Like my father, when he was 60, it would be hard to
imagine.
Yeah.
But a Peruvian, you know.
All right.
You can imagine. You can easily imagine.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Because my father, he doesn't know.
You know, he'd get you a Casio watch to a lady.
That would be his thing.
But these guys, they're more champagne on your spine, my darling.
You know, it's a whole different thing.
Anyways.
So he, it has nothing to do with his way with the ladies, the story.
But Johnny, John Lovitz got lessons from him every single day at this hotel.
Yeah.
So then he told me that he was really good at tennis.
So I was like, I could beat you.
You just assume you can beat John Lovitz in anything, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I played tennis four times.
Yeah.
I figured that's about what it would take to beat John Lovitz.
So I said, yeah, I'll play, you know.
And he goes, you'll never beat me.
I play, I mean, what are you talking about?
I go, no, I'll play anything you want.
So we go, I go to the place, and I'm in my jeans and a leather jacket and I
have clothes
for tennis.
I only played four times.
So I get there, and they give me a club and everything, a tennis racket.
And I know, clearly, I'm going to beat John Lovitz.
So we start playing, and I just keep tinking them over a little bit, you know,
the little
backspin, you know, near the net, whatever that shot's called.
So Lovitz lumbers over, you know, and he can never get to it.
And I just beat him like 6-0 in the first set.
So he starts thinking I'm doing something illegal by tinking it over the net.
The backspin backhand or whatever?
Yeah, yeah.
He's never seen this.
He thinks you're supposed to hit it to him.
So he starts complaining because he's like, he's like, I play Alex and I can
beat him.
He's talking about beating Alex Omeda, the pro, the tennis player.
The 6-0 peruvian, yeah.
He thinks, so I said, well, he goes, I beat him.
I play him every day, you know.
And I go, well, I love it.
So this, you know, a tennis pro is what their, one of their big skills is they
hit the ball
so it will land on your racket, you know.
So wherever you're standing, the ball is right there, you know.
And he's like, that's not true, you know.
Then he was convinced that I could beat Alex Omeda.
He said, you've never seen anything like this, Alex.
He tinks it over the net.
So I just love it.
So then I played, and then he wanted to really win, you know, and he kept
playing me.
And I said, oh, God.
So one day I was like, he was just getting so angry and everything, so I let
him win one game.
Yeah.
And then he quit.
He retired.
On top.
Yeah, calling himself the champ.
Like John Elway.
Yeah, exactly.
He won one game.
He goes, it doesn't matter.
So whoever won last, that's what they do in boxing.
And I was saying, well, boxing, I do have to defend them, but whatever.
That's funny.
I need your love.
What happened the time you and Norm Macdonald played tennis?
There's a story that he came, showed up in a leather jacket and jeans.
Yeah, I know.
He, he, he, I know.
He tells, he tells that story, and I don't know why he's so into it.
Oh, it's a funny, it's a funny visual.
It's a funny visual.
Him dressed like that.
Well, it's just, what he left out is that we're playing, and he, he, you know,
I, I play all the time.
He never plays right.
But he can get the ball, but he, like, he dinks it back, and he has no rhythm.
Anyway, when someone just, like, floats every ball, if you're not used to it,
you can't get any rhythm, and it's just hard to, you know, play.
So he won, but what he left out was after every point, he'd leave the court for,
like, a minute and brag to his assistant about how, look what just happened.
Then he'd come back, one point, he'd leave again.
I go, Norm, do you want to play?
And he just kept leaving.
It was very frustrating, and so he won.
So then, I said to my coach, I go, how do you beat a guy like that?
It's so frustrating.
It's just, the ball's just, and he, my, my teacher's guy, Alex Lamedo, who's a,
you're into sports, look him up.
He was a, he was a champion college player, Wimbledon champion, Rod Labor, Emerson,
who won Wimbledon, and he's in the Hall of Fame from Peru.
He's a great guy.
So he said, just step in and take it early.
I go, could you beat someone like that?
He goes, what are you kidding?
I'd kill him.
I go, all right, fine.
So then we played again, and then I just, you know, I creamed him, and I beat
him.
So, also, I wasn't trying as hard the first time, because he was, you know, he's
not as good, so you're just taking it easy.
But then he ended up, like, playing hard.
And he was wearing jeans and a leather jacket.
Well, he beat you 6-0 the first time, didn't he?
6-0.
No, he wasn't wearing it.
I don't remember what he was wearing.
It was, no, he didn't beat me 6-0.
He's full of crap.
That's what he told me.
So then we played again, and then I beat him quite easily.
And then, let's play again.
I said, no, I don't play you again.
Because when I knew he'd want to play after I beat him, last time we played, I
beat him, and that's that.
Give us a good league of the...
But he cheats, of course, he cheats, and he's not fun to play with.
Of course.
So he tells a story, you know.
Right.
Give us a good league of their own story.
Lovitz!
Just back off for a second!
He's being Lovitz.
This is what Lovitz does.
I know.
This is what he does.
Him and Norm, both of them.
Give us a good league of their own story.