Name: Everybody Lies
Uploaded: 2023-11-09T02:18:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everybody Lies' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Everybody Lies' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-09. Transcript available.

Everybody lies, right? You gotta lie there, but, uh, you ever lie for no reason?
That's a bad lie there.
You know, usually there's a reason, like you want to protect somebody's
feelings or, you know, screw over your buddy or something like that, but...
You ever lie for no reason at all, just all of a sudden a big lie spills out of
your evil head there, you know?
And you don't even know, like a guy come up to you and go, hey, you ever see
that movie with Meryl Streep and a horse?
And you go, yes!
And then back here, you go, what the hell am I lying about over here?
I stand to gain nothing by this lie.
What the hell am I thinking back here in my head?
I don't know, man.
You know, Norm's one of those guys, he'll write something, it's a really funny
joke, but also that you realize he's a sick fucker.
You know, it's like he said, you ever find yourself in one of Norm's bits,
which I just fell off my chair and he said,
you ever find yourself, uh, lying?
Telling a lie and you're halfway through, you realize, wait a minute, there's
no possible way I could benefit from this lie.
Why am I lying?
Say, hey, did you see Avatar?
Yeah!
To me, that's just a monster, you know?
That's a twisted mind.
Is the First Lady a compulsive liar, though?
It's beginning to look that way.
In an interview on last night's 2020, intended to promote her new book, It
Takes a Village,
Mrs. Clinton folded under tough questioning by Barbara Walters, and admitted
that, in fact, it does not take a village,
and furthermore, that she was aware that it does not take a village when she
wrote the damn book.
Meanwhile, President Clinton is hard at work on Tuesday's State of the Union
Address,
in which he'll focus on crime, education, and the economy.
At the request of the First Lady, part of the President's speech will be huge
lies.
More questions about Hillary Rodham Clinton's truthfulness.
In an interview this week, the First Lady claimed that she won the woman's 100-meter
dash
at the 1956 Olympics, and that she had an IQ of, quote, over 700.
When it was pointed out to her that these were not especially good lies,
Mrs. Clinton responded,
I know, I have a problem.
And then added,
I invented the formula for 7-Up.
In Whitewater News,
federal regulators quizzed Hillary Clinton at the White House this week,
and gave her a perfect score on the lying section.
She's a dirty liar.
For years, Hillary Rodham Clinton has told people
that she was named for the first man to climb Mount Everest,
Sir Edmund Hillary.
But, as Esquire Magazine recently pointed out,
Sir Edmund did not climb Mount Everest until 1953,
six years after Hillary was born.
However, the First Lady does have a good explanation for the discrepancy.
She loves to lie.
A former Arkansas banker told the Senate Whitewater Committee this week
that he gave Bill Clinton a $20,000 loan as a favor,
even though it was, quote,
unacceptable banking practice.
In response, President Clinton stated that he has no recollection of such a
loan,
while First Lady Hillary Clinton said,
our top story tonight comes from the O.J. Simpson civil trial,
where this week it was revealed that in his first interview with police,
Simpson had refused to take a lie detector test.
His reason?
It detects lies.
And my favorite thing about Norm is that he will just flat out lie.
Just for his own entertainment,
he'll just tell you a story that has never happened.
He's completely making things up.
I was with Larry Flint at the White House.
Yeah.
He said, I'll hook you up.
Now, if my uncle from the plains of Ontario said,
I'll hook you up,
he'll probably get you a nice mince meat pie.
But when Larry Flint says it,
something dirty.
It's the best.
Truly one of the best.