Name: Norm Macdonald and David Spade Roasting Each Other
Uploaded: 2024-08-23T12:28:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald and David Spade Roasting Each Other' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald and David Spade Roasting Each Other' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-23. Transcript available.

We're back with our remaining moments on Larry King Live. We bring two of the
great talents, both formerly of Saturday Night Live, with us.
David Spade is in Los Angeles. Norm MacDonald is here in New York.
And now, please say hello to us.
Hi, David. David and I apparently are having some kind of feud. He left this
message on my machine.
So what is this, David? Do you not want to appear with him tonight?
Come on, David. Tell us.
I wouldn't pay $300 to have my hair blow-dry to be treated like this.
No, your hair is great.
Do you feel, David, that the star spotlight has been taken away by you by
McDonald's tonight?
No, I don't mind. It should be.
Norm's my buddy. Norm's one of the best guys out there.
I've been watching this whole show, laughing my head off.
I don't think Larry knows that Norm's a little kooky.
And he's got some funny stuff to say.
What do you make of that? He's accusing you of not having all the marbles.
Good Lord.
I'm not drunk.
Are you having all the marbles? I'll tell you something about marbles.
I haven't seen a kid doing marbles for years.
China Syndrome is a great rental.
He's doing my column now.
Okay.
Of all the colors, blue is my favorite.
Stop that.
Where is John Stamos?
When do you two go to work together?
Why don't you do a movie together?
We'd love to. We've been trying to for a long time, right, James?
Yeah. Norm's one of the few super funny guys out there that I'm trying to keep
up with.
He's a blast.
And whatever show gets him next will be in great shape.
Well, David, do you think he's going to do a weekend update on the new Howard
Stern show?
It seemed like that's what you told him.
It seems like that to me. I don't know why he's in some sort of denial over
this.
Norm's a little tricky, but he's in demand, so I think they'll have him if he
wants to do it.
Maybe Meet the Press will ask you to do it and he'll come back then.
Meet the Press would be great. Tim Russert, right?
Yeah, you and Tim.
Me and Tim would be a great...
You guys lost me.
He doesn't know the Tim Russert.
He only knows supermodels.
I get blank stares.
Yeah.
Hey, listen, Larry, you live next to me in Beverly Hills now.
You knew Clampett. You're right next to me.
I just heard...
Don't give me a dress.
I know where you are. You're by Nate and Allison.
My house has a water wiggle out front, and you're going to have to come by and
hang out with me.
What is that?
What's a water wiggle?
That's his thing for a supermodel.
What an idiot.
You're going to be part of Neighborhood Watch with me, and you're going to hold
up your end.
I don't care if you're out of town a lot.
Where do you live, Norm?
I live in New York City.
Here, in the Gotham.
Yeah, the Big Apple.
But I've seen you in L.A.
Yeah, interesting.
I live in Chris Farley in New York.
Yeah, I live in Los Angeles, me and Chris Farley.
Yeah, his story doesn't check out, does it, Larry?
No.
He's got some holes in it.
I live in Los Angeles.
Good observation state.
I'm bi-hostal.
Get it out, Norm.
Bi-hostal, yeah.
Bi-textual.
Now, what are you doing, Dave?
No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
You have lots of admissions here tonight.
Do you ever miss Saturday Night Live?
Both the same question for both of you.
David.
I miss hanging out with Norm and some other people there, but I don't miss how
hard it was.
It was a good six-year run for me.
It was fun.
But you don't miss doing the show?
I miss it in pieces.
I like to host it, but right now, to do it every week, I'm too old now.
Norm?
I've only been gone like one week.
But you, unlike David, you were fired.
Yeah.
So distance is quicker to have.
Do you miss it?
Or did you miss it last Saturday night?
I, uh, did you watch it?
I, I, I, you're stumbling.
I'll tell you something, I don't, I don't, where I live, I don't get Saturday
Night Live.
You know what, Larry, they, they show you.
I watch Saturday Night Live, but I don't get it.
Norm was at home with, uh.
David, hey, can you stop stepping on the joke?
I don't know, I can't.
You and Larry are getting a little vaudeville here.
I'm two minutes behind you on a tape delay.
David, what were you going to say?
I just heard the Siamese twins thing.
No, I was saying that Norm sits home and there's just montage music and you
hear it,
The road is on.
And he's watching six TVs.
I used to, when I did the show, I'd always take off right after updates so I
could watch
the rest of the show at home, you know.
Really?
Yeah, because, you know, they want you to stay till the end so you can wave.
Does everybody wave?
You're not a waver.
Well, it's odd because sometimes the show sucks.
At the end of the show, you're out waving like a jackass.
But, Norm, sometimes at the first three years, I was never on and I had to
count that as
a sketch.
David, thanks very much.
Norm, thanks very much.
Thanks, Larry.
I want to thank Larry King for hosting this earlier.
Yeah, Larry, it was great.
Thanks for joining us.
See you Monday night.
Good night.
I was just thinking, you know, because they had that Viagra thing out.
Yeah.
And the other day, you know, Bob Dole said, came right out and said.
He was one of the first.
Yeah.
And, you know, you don't want to hear about Bob Dole's cock, you know?
I mean, President Clinton's cock, Bob Dole's cock.
What the hell?
But mostly, an old man like that, an old man, you don't want him to have a
super hard cock.
You know what I mean?
Why?
Why?
Because an old man, you want him to be, got a pipe going, a newspaper, the dog
at his
feet there?
Well, that, in some corners, is considered pipe.
Oh.
But now they're going to have to create some goddamn pill that makes women arouse
at the
same time of a fucking 70-year-old dude with a super hard cock.
You know what I'm saying?
It's crazy.
This Viagra.
It's insane.
And you know what?
It's for impotent people.
It's for impotent guys.
So get this.
I read this.
The pill can make your cock hard for four hours.
Right.
So now, who has the four-hour hard cock?
The impotent guys.
The rest of us are fucked.
Me and you.
Me and you got our regular cocks.
Meanwhile, fucking spade is, you know, is...
The third is spade.
Oh, man.
I didn't see it.
I didn't see it coming back.
Dude, I know you didn't.
He brought it all around and then a vicious rip kick into his best friend's gut.
Once there's too much cock talk, I try to just zone out for a minute until it
goes back the
other way.
If there's too much cock talk, this guy has fevered nightmares all night.
Dreams, I mean.
Like sweaty, fevered dreams from the cock talk that's been all over his head.
Cock, cock, cock.
Why bury me twice?
He's killing me.
No, he's a good man.
That erased it.
All right.
No, he's a good man.
Who cares?
After all that, that's the white-out he puts on.
I know, it's awesome.
After he talks about you doing shit-ups on cock for 18 minutes.
No, he's a good guy.
If you're gay, he's a completely straight guy.
He gets a lot of ladies.
You know that about him with the ladies.
Don't say ladies.
Women, girls.
Okay, thank you.
Ladies, what are we, fucking on an FM station here?
He's Don Cornelius.
But these gay guys, man, I was reading, you know about the...
These gay guys.
I haven't even said hi yet.
All right.
Tell me what it is with these gay guys.
I know, I'm already...
I just read this thing about the Michael, George Michael.
You're reading a lot, aren't you?
Yeah, I read it.
I got a little time off now.
I read the newspaper.
And this really strikes me about the gay community.
I don't know if they're a community, but...
But...
It's called West Hollywood.
Yeah, they're gay, and it's...
You know George Michael?
He hangs around the bathroom.
He has sex with multiple guys.
This is like...
No, no, no, no way.
You got to get it right.
Hangs around the bathroom.
And it was described as a lewd behavior.
But I don't remember sex with numerous guys.
Is that what you took away from it?
What does he do?
What were you, in the next stall?
I could have been just having a nice bathroom, regular thing.
I don't know what lewd behavior is, but I don't know that he was in there with
numerous guys.
But anyway, we get the gist of that.
This is definitely a gay thing, like...
Because this is a pop superstar, you know what I mean?
You're not gonna walk into a bathroom, and all of a sudden, Farrah Fawcett's
like...
You know?
You're not gonna...
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
I love it.
What I'm saying is, why...
Why would a famous pop...
Why, what was she doing?
What was she doing?
What was that?
Some sort of...
Cervical belt sander thing.
Or what was that?
Oh, Christ, what are you?
Linda Blair?
They do.
That's what they do, right?
That's what they do, right?
That's what they...
That's what ladies that I know do.
Good to know that primetime exposure's paying dividends there, big guy.
I think that's what it is, is that the gay...
That's why they have separate bathrooms.
Let's face it.
If they had women and, you know, women, as you call them, I call them ladies.
If you had them in the same bathroom...
Like you go in the bathroom to do your business, see a man about a dog there,
you know?
And you're in the bathroom.
You're in the bathroom.
All of a sudden, a beautiful lady comes out.
"Oh, here's my vagina and breasts."
You're gonna be hanging out at that bathroom a lot.
So I don't blame anybody for anything.
Can you believe Olmeyer didn't get him?
I know.
We're all the same, man.
Have you ever met Olmeyer since then?
Don Olmeyer I met once, yeah, after he fired me.
Yeah.
Then I went and visited him in his office, which was...
It wasn't an office I've never seen.
It was like a wet bar and a bunch of weird sports trophies.
He's a big sports guy, you know?
Yeah.
So he explained it to me, what happened.
But he did it all with sports stuff, you know?
Like he said, "Ah, man.
You see, you're the number three hitter, but now you're gonna be number eight."
And then later on, Ken Griffey will show up.
I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.
And then I said, "Well, Craig's, man.
What the hell am I supposed to do?"
And he goes, "I don't know.
Just walk it off."
You know?
I'll put it in sports terms why you got fired.
You were fucking with O.J. too much.
That's exactly why you were fired, man.
I don't know about that.
That's his buddy.
Yeah, it's his buddy.
Yeah.
Well, that's why you got canned.
O.J.'s a good guy.
I mean, he's not --
Well, we got to end on that, Normie.
But there's what they'll remember you by.
Hey, congratulations, man.
O.J.'s a good guy.
Thanks for coming on.
Norm MacDonald and David Spacey.
Stick around, guys.
You know, on your last show, I came out as a deeply closeted gay man.
Uh-huh.
And I'm not gay.
But --
David, on one time --
There's a true story.
And, Dave, you'll attest to this.
Bought me a beautiful leather jacket.
Oh, that's right.
Well out of my price range.
Mm-hmm.
Now, I'm no one to take charity.
You're doing, like, a Mark Twain one-man show.
Yeah.
All alone in the back.
Uh-huh.
All right.
What have we got?
What have we got?
I am not one to take charity.
He said --
I'm glad I sucked him off.
God's sake.
Surprising.
You're making me out to be Hal Holderuck over here.
It's amazing how, like, some of your friends, like, you know, seriously, like,
those guys
who came out of Saturday Night Live, like Sandler, you, Chris Rock, um, there's
a lot of guys
who sort of all of a sudden are, like, real big players.
Everyone's doing pretty well, yeah.
Norm.
Norm got his own TV.
Norm's doing well.
What?
What?
What?
Do you hang out with Norm or is it impossible?
It's pretty impossible because he's crazy.
He is.
In LA, I call him and he goes, uh, he goes, I go, what happened last week?
I called you to go on.
You called me?
And I go, yeah.
On my phone?
I go, yeah.
And he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, I got that.
I go, you didn't call me back?
Oh, you didn't call me back?
No, no.
And he's serious.
Yeah, he's crazy.
And yeah, I know.
Like, I have him on the show.
I love him, though.
He's the funniest guy around.
I think you need to be kind of crazy to be really funny.
He is very funny.
I love him, too.
And he has a gambling problem, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
He was telling us how he was all excited that he had 80,000.
He won $80,000 in Vegas, but he had lost like $100,000 on basketball.
Right, by the way.
And that's on nickel slots.
That's how serious he is.
Did you always know he had a gambling problem?
Mm-hmm.
You did.
When did you know that?
It's Saturday Night Live?
I first knew he had a pee-in-a-bottle problem.
Right.
Remember that?
You always talk about that.
Yeah, it's great.
Does he still save his urine?
Do you know?
I don't know.
He used to put it in a Ziploc baggie, sign it, and send it to fans.
Is that true?
No.
Oh.
But he did.
After Saturday Night Live, they give you a car, a limousine, if you want to go
to the
party, and he would take it to Atlantic City.
Really?
He's a hard ass.
Yeah.
He's a hardcore dude.
I know.
He'll even get into fist fights.
And then he'll stay at a table for hours and hours.
What do you think of that?
I feel lucky.
I think you don't even know if he's married or single.
It's never really clear.
I don't know, but I know girls like him.
You know, when something's that wrong, they pick up on it and like it.
They like the tragedy of that.
Fixer Upper, yeah.
Right.
Yeah, I'm going to make him a regular guy.
Right, but it never worked.
Because David always wore like cool jackets to get girls around.
Did it work?
I haven't seen it work.
I know.
Yeah, David gets girls like crazy.
Heather Locklear.
Yeah, like insane.
Name one.
It's because funny guys are attractive.
Yeah.
Funny is hot.
You've done a lot of impressions.
Funny.
Look at him.
He's like, really?
Most awkward.
Come on, I've ever heard of him.
All I can say for sure is this, that it works this way with women.
If there's one dude who beds a Kardashian and a Paris Hilton, he'll then get to,
and a Lindsay
Lohan, he'll get to mow through other Hollywood hot chicks.
Like David Spade is that guy.
Yeah, David Spade is that guy.
And I would say he's more, cause Warren Beatty was always the gold standard.
But Spade doesn't have the looks of Warren Beatty.
He's the aw shucks rapist.
Rapist?
Well, I don't know why you brought up rapist.
My lord.
No, what I'm saying is Spade has quietly mowed through the entire bevy of blondes
in this town.
But he does it in a sort of unassuming way.
Yeah, Spade is an interesting character because he's outside of Hollywood.
He makes fun of it.
And yet he's deeply inside of Hollywood.
Balls deep, a lot.
Yeah.
Many would argue.
But you know, he'll be on red carpets.
I went out with him one time.
He's like, let's go to a bar.
We go to a fucking bar and then, you know, people let us in, which is horrible.
You know, like past everybody.
Right.
Let those guys in.
Yeah, there goes Spade and his bodyguards.
He's a haggard bodyguard.
He's a haggard, that's right.
So you and David Spade are walking into a bar.
Okay.
Oh, I was saying that?
Yeah.
So we go into the bar.
So it's packed with people, you know, and I don't like a lot of people in there.
And then you get a little fucking plastic drink and you drink it and then Spade
goes, let's get out of here.
And I'm like, what?
I don't even want to be there.
And you know, you're an inch from somebody's face.
And so then we go to another bar.
He does the exact same thing.
Right.
Let's get out of here.
So he just goes places and exits.
Yeah.
But I think there's a power.
I think there's a certain power in leaving.
Yeah.
I guess there is.
Yeah.
You know, he plays the long game.
Like he's always texting them.
You know, he doesn't bed them the night he meets them.
Mm-mm.
Like a year later.
Right.
But he's got so many.
He fucks them in the bathroom.
Yeah.
But not on a bed.
Never on a bed.
Wait, no.
I hear what you're saying.
I'm reading between the lines.
I can't talk about that.
Now it's going to sound like I'm saying that about David Spade.
No.
No.
What he does is he quietly.
Like, here's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
Here's what I'm saying.
If you had a list.
Yeah.
Of the famous coxsmen of the town with the Warren Beatys of the world.
Right.
And the Wilt Chamberlains and stuff like that.
Somewhere in the 13th spot would be David Spade.
Absolutely.
And everyone would go, how do you get on this list?
A cute little blonde guy?
I put him way farther up than that.
Way farther up.
I'd put him maybe number one.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
In terms of sheer numbers.
Quietly goes about his business.
Yes, he does.
Yeah.
Until we start talking about it.
I know, we shouldn't.
But yeah, he's very self-deprecating about it.
But he also, you know, he knows everything that a young girl knows.
Yeah.
Like that beautiful 20-year-old.
He can talk to them about keeping up with the Kardashians and whatever the hell.
Right.
And then, you know, if I try to talk to a young girl, I go, you ever watch Matlock?
You know, it wouldn't work.
But he has the same exact interest.
Yeah.
That they do.
Yeah.
So it really works, you know.
Yeah.

Norm Macdonald and David Spade Roasting Each Other

We're back with our remaining moments on Larry King Live. We bring two of the
great talents, both formerly of Saturday Night Live, with us.
David Spade is in Los Angeles. Norm MacDonald is here in New York.
And now, please say hello to us.
Hi, David. David and I apparently are having some kind of feud. He left this
message on my machine.
So what is this, David? Do you not want to appear with him tonight?
Come on, David. Tell us.
I wouldn't pay $300 to have my hair blow-dry to be treated like this.
No, your hair is great.
Do you feel, David, that the star spotlight has been taken away by you by
McDonald's tonight?
No, I don't mind. It should be.
Norm's my buddy. Norm's one of the best guys out there.
I've been watching this whole show, laughing my head off.
I don't think Larry knows that Norm's a little kooky.
And he's got some funny stuff to say.
What do you make of that? He's accusing you of not having all the marbles.
Good Lord.
I'm not drunk.
Are you having all the marbles? I'll tell you something about marbles.
I haven't seen a kid doing marbles for years.
China Syndrome is a great rental.
He's doing my column now.
Okay.
Of all the colors, blue is my favorite.
Stop that.
Where is John Stamos?
When do you two go to work together?
Why don't you do a movie together?
We'd love to. We've been trying to for a long time, right, James?
Yeah. Norm's one of the few super funny guys out there that I'm trying to keep
up with.
He's a blast.
And whatever show gets him next will be in great shape.
Well, David, do you think he's going to do a weekend update on the new Howard
Stern show?
It seemed like that's what you told him.
It seems like that to me. I don't know why he's in some sort of denial over
this.
Norm's a little tricky, but he's in demand, so I think they'll have him if he
wants to do it.
Maybe Meet the Press will ask you to do it and he'll come back then.
Meet the Press would be great. Tim Russert, right?
Yeah, you and Tim.
Me and Tim would be a great...
You guys lost me.
He doesn't know the Tim Russert.
He only knows supermodels.
I get blank stares.
Yeah.
Hey, listen, Larry, you live next to me in Beverly Hills now.
You knew Clampett. You're right next to me.
I just heard...
Don't give me a dress.
I know where you are. You're by Nate and Allison.
My house has a water wiggle out front, and you're going to have to come by and
hang out with me.
What is that?
What's a water wiggle?
That's his thing for a supermodel.
What an idiot.
You're going to be part of Neighborhood Watch with me, and you're going to hold
up your end.
I don't care if you're out of town a lot.
Where do you live, Norm?
I live in New York City.
Here, in the Gotham.
Yeah, the Big Apple.
But I've seen you in L.A.
Yeah, interesting.
I live in Chris Farley in New York.
Yeah, I live in Los Angeles, me and Chris Farley.
Yeah, his story doesn't check out, does it, Larry?
No.
He's got some holes in it.
I live in Los Angeles.
Good observation state.
I'm bi-hostal.
Get it out, Norm.
Bi-hostal, yeah.
Bi-textual.
Now, what are you doing, Dave?
No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
You have lots of admissions here tonight.
Do you ever miss Saturday Night Live?
Both the same question for both of you.
David.
I miss hanging out with Norm and some other people there, but I don't miss how
hard it was.
It was a good six-year run for me.
It was fun.
But you don't miss doing the show?
I miss it in pieces.
I like to host it, but right now, to do it every week, I'm too old now.
Norm?
I've only been gone like one week.
But you, unlike David, you were fired.
Yeah.
So distance is quicker to have.
Do you miss it?
Or did you miss it last Saturday night?
I, uh, did you watch it?
I, I, I, you're stumbling.
I'll tell you something, I don't, I don't, where I live, I don't get Saturday
Night Live.
You know what, Larry, they, they show you.
I watch Saturday Night Live, but I don't get it.
Norm was at home with, uh.
David, hey, can you stop stepping on the joke?
I don't know, I can't.
You and Larry are getting a little vaudeville here.
I'm two minutes behind you on a tape delay.
David, what were you going to say?
I just heard the Siamese twins thing.
No, I was saying that Norm sits home and there's just montage music and you
hear it,
The road is on.
And he's watching six TVs.
I used to, when I did the show, I'd always take off right after updates so I
could watch
the rest of the show at home, you know.
Really?
Yeah, because, you know, they want you to stay till the end so you can wave.
Does everybody wave?
You're not a waver.
Well, it's odd because sometimes the show sucks.
At the end of the show, you're out waving like a jackass.
But, Norm, sometimes at the first three years, I was never on and I had to
count that as
a sketch.
David, thanks very much.
Norm, thanks very much.
Thanks, Larry.
I want to thank Larry King for hosting this earlier.
Yeah, Larry, it was great.
Thanks for joining us.
See you Monday night.
Good night.
I was just thinking, you know, because they had that Viagra thing out.
Yeah.
And the other day, you know, Bob Dole said, came right out and said.
He was one of the first.
Yeah.
And, you know, you don't want to hear about Bob Dole's cock, you know?
I mean, President Clinton's cock, Bob Dole's cock.
What the hell?
But mostly, an old man like that, an old man, you don't want him to have a
super hard cock.
You know what I mean?
Why?
Why?
Because an old man, you want him to be, got a pipe going, a newspaper, the dog
at his
feet there?
Well, that, in some corners, is considered pipe.
Oh.
But now they're going to have to create some goddamn pill that makes women arouse
at the
same time of a fucking 70-year-old dude with a super hard cock.
You know what I'm saying?
It's crazy.
This Viagra.
It's insane.
And you know what?
It's for impotent people.
It's for impotent guys.
So get this.
I read this.
The pill can make your cock hard for four hours.
Right.
So now, who has the four-hour hard cock?
The impotent guys.
The rest of us are fucked.
Me and you.
Me and you got our regular cocks.
Meanwhile, fucking spade is, you know, is...
The third is spade.
Oh, man.
I didn't see it.
I didn't see it coming back.
Dude, I know you didn't.
He brought it all around and then a vicious rip kick into his best friend's gut.
Once there's too much cock talk, I try to just zone out for a minute until it
goes back the
other way.
If there's too much cock talk, this guy has fevered nightmares all night.
Dreams, I mean.
Like sweaty, fevered dreams from the cock talk that's been all over his head.
Cock, cock, cock.
Why bury me twice?
He's killing me.
No, he's a good man.
That erased it.
All right.
No, he's a good man.
Who cares?
After all that, that's the white-out he puts on.
I know, it's awesome.
After he talks about you doing shit-ups on cock for 18 minutes.
No, he's a good guy.
If you're gay, he's a completely straight guy.
He gets a lot of ladies.
You know that about him with the ladies.
Don't say ladies.
Women, girls.
Okay, thank you.
Ladies, what are we, fucking on an FM station here?
He's Don Cornelius.
But these gay guys, man, I was reading, you know about the...
These gay guys.
I haven't even said hi yet.
All right.
Tell me what it is with these gay guys.
I know, I'm already...
I just read this thing about the Michael, George Michael.
You're reading a lot, aren't you?
Yeah, I read it.
I got a little time off now.
I read the newspaper.
And this really strikes me about the gay community.
I don't know if they're a community, but...
But...
It's called West Hollywood.
Yeah, they're gay, and it's...
You know George Michael?
He hangs around the bathroom.
He has sex with multiple guys.
This is like...
No, no, no, no way.
You got to get it right.
Hangs around the bathroom.
And it was described as a lewd behavior.
But I don't remember sex with numerous guys.
Is that what you took away from it?
What does he do?
What were you, in the next stall?
I could have been just having a nice bathroom, regular thing.
I don't know what lewd behavior is, but I don't know that he was in there with
numerous guys.
But anyway, we get the gist of that.
This is definitely a gay thing, like...
Because this is a pop superstar, you know what I mean?
You're not gonna walk into a bathroom, and all of a sudden, Farrah Fawcett's
like...
You know?
You're not gonna...
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
I love it.
What I'm saying is, why...
Why would a famous pop...
Why, what was she doing?
What was she doing?
What was that?
Some sort of...
Cervical belt sander thing.
Or what was that?
Oh, Christ, what are you?
Linda Blair?
They do.
That's what they do, right?
That's what they do, right?
That's what they...
That's what ladies that I know do.
Good to know that primetime exposure's paying dividends there, big guy.
I think that's what it is, is that the gay...
That's why they have separate bathrooms.
Let's face it.
If they had women and, you know, women, as you call them, I call them ladies.
If you had them in the same bathroom...
Like you go in the bathroom to do your business, see a man about a dog there,
you know?
And you're in the bathroom.
You're in the bathroom.
All of a sudden, a beautiful lady comes out.
"Oh, here's my vagina and breasts."
You're gonna be hanging out at that bathroom a lot.
So I don't blame anybody for anything.
Can you believe Olmeyer didn't get him?
I know.
We're all the same, man.
Have you ever met Olmeyer since then?
Don Olmeyer I met once, yeah, after he fired me.
Yeah.
Then I went and visited him in his office, which was...
It wasn't an office I've never seen.
It was like a wet bar and a bunch of weird sports trophies.
He's a big sports guy, you know?
Yeah.
So he explained it to me, what happened.
But he did it all with sports stuff, you know?
Like he said, "Ah, man.
You see, you're the number three hitter, but now you're gonna be number eight."
And then later on, Ken Griffey will show up.
I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.
And then I said, "Well, Craig's, man.
What the hell am I supposed to do?"
And he goes, "I don't know.
Just walk it off."
You know?
I'll put it in sports terms why you got fired.
You were fucking with O.J. too much.
That's exactly why you were fired, man.
I don't know about that.
That's his buddy.
Yeah, it's his buddy.
Yeah.
Well, that's why you got canned.
O.J.'s a good guy.
I mean, he's not --
Well, we got to end on that, Normie.
But there's what they'll remember you by.
Hey, congratulations, man.
O.J.'s a good guy.
Thanks for coming on.
Norm MacDonald and David Spacey.
Stick around, guys.
You know, on your last show, I came out as a deeply closeted gay man.
Uh-huh.
And I'm not gay.
But --
David, on one time --
There's a true story.
And, Dave, you'll attest to this.
Bought me a beautiful leather jacket.
Oh, that's right.
Well out of my price range.
Mm-hmm.
Now, I'm no one to take charity.
You're doing, like, a Mark Twain one-man show.
Yeah.
All alone in the back.
Uh-huh.
All right.
What have we got?
What have we got?
I am not one to take charity.
He said --
I'm glad I sucked him off.
God's sake.
Surprising.
You're making me out to be Hal Holderuck over here.
It's amazing how, like, some of your friends, like, you know, seriously, like,
those guys
who came out of Saturday Night Live, like Sandler, you, Chris Rock, um, there's
a lot of guys
who sort of all of a sudden are, like, real big players.
Everyone's doing pretty well, yeah.
Norm.
Norm got his own TV.
Norm's doing well.
What?
What?
What?
Do you hang out with Norm or is it impossible?
It's pretty impossible because he's crazy.
He is.
In LA, I call him and he goes, uh, he goes, I go, what happened last week?
I called you to go on.
You called me?
And I go, yeah.
On my phone?
I go, yeah.
And he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, I got that.
I go, you didn't call me back?
Oh, you didn't call me back?
No, no.
And he's serious.
Yeah, he's crazy.
And yeah, I know.
Like, I have him on the show.
I love him, though.
He's the funniest guy around.
I think you need to be kind of crazy to be really funny.
He 