Name: Best Non Sequitur Jokes
Uploaded: 2024-08-26T15:08:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Best Non Sequitur Jokes' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Best Non Sequitur Jokes' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-26. Transcript available.

A study on weight loss revealed this week that women who participate in a
weekly diet program
lost 50% more weight, snacked less, and bought more fruits and vegetables than
women in general.
Which just goes to prove my new theory, Richard Simmons is gay.
After numerous requests, the National Institute of Health has finally granted
funds to the University of New Mexico
in order to test mice for the deadly hantavirus.
Although I'm sure the government would have acted a lot sooner if instead of
mice,
the hantavirus was killing off rich white guys.
An outbreak of the deadly canine parvovirus has led to the local Humane Society
killing many of its dogs.
Gee, I wonder if the Humane Society would kill off victims of canine parvo
if instead of dogs, they were rich old white guys.
Increased hunting will be necessary to control the state's black bear
population.
Gee, I wonder if hunting would be the answer if instead of overpopulation of
black bears,
there were an overpopulation of rich old white men.
According to the EPA, it will cost an estimated $295 million to clean up toxic
waste
at the former Lockheed Martin military aircraft plant in California.
The cause of the toxic waste?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
In Princess Anne, Maryland, state health officials have discovered what caused
the mysterious death
of 200,000 fish at a Somerset County fish farm.
The culprit?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
In economic news, unemployment figures rose slightly for the month of October
with declines in the Dow Jones and NASDAQ.
The reason for the sudden downturn?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
Entertainment Weekly's list of the 101 most powerful people in show business is
out.
At number one, Fox CEO Robert Murdoch.
And at number two, you guessed it, Frank Stallone.
And finally, the number one selling doll this Christmas is Tickle Me Elmo.
And the least popular selling doll?
You guessed it.
Tickle Me Frank Stallone.
And the British Sunday Times is reporting that Belgian doctors have
accidentally cloned
a human being.
The human being?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
Recent photos sent from the Galileo space probe orbiting Jupiter's moon Europa
suggests
that it meets the conditions necessary to support a primitive life form.
Just what kind of life form?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
And finally, the votes are in.
And Entertainment Weekly has chosen its funniest man alive.
And who is the funniest man alive?
You guessed it.
Frank Stallone.
Congratulations, Frank Stallone.
Across the Great Plains, harsh weather and hungry bull weevils are the cause of
one of the worst cotton harvest in years.
Last Sunday's national hockey league game between the Buffalo Sabres and the
Tampa Bay Lightning was postponed due to record snowfall in Buffalo.
This year's lack of snow in Alaska could help generate a surplus of moose next
year because deep snow makes it harder for moose to search for food which
leaves them more vulnerable to wolves.
In Fort Pierce, Florida, many Bell South customers will no longer pay long-distance
phone rates for nearby calls, but will instead be charged with a flat rate of
25 cents.
In Little Rock, Arkansas, a consumer group is proceeding with a petition drive
to get a proposal on the November ballot that would exempt food from state
sales tax.
In St. Louis, archaeologists will use special radar on nearby landfills in an
effort to find the 70-foot axle from a Ferris wheel, which was the centerpiece
of the 1904 World's Fair.
Last year, German Shepherds were rated the nation's most effective police dogs
by far, sniffing out more than $100 million worth of illegal drugs.
Or so the German Shepherds would have us believe.
A little technical glitch of some sort, though.
Well, David Hasselhoff is a huge rock star in Germany, where his latest album
sold 5 million copies this week, which once again proves my theory, Germans
love David Hasselhoff.
Well, David Hasselhoff is a huge star in Germany, where his series Baywatch
celebrated its 100th straight week as the nation's top TV show, which once
again proves my old theory.
Germans love David Hasselhoff is a huge star in Germany, where his syndicated
series Knight Rider places a consistent second behind Baywatch in the ratings,
which once again proves my old theory.
Germans love David Hasselhoff.
Helmut Kohl was elected to his fourth term as Germany's chancellor this week.
Experts say Mr. Kohl's success was guaranteed, after he won the backing of
singing sensation David Hasselhoff, which once again proves my old theory.
Germans love David Hasselhoff.
The cast of Baywatch made a special appearance at Disney World in Florida,
where they were mobbed by adoring fans, which proves my new theory.
German tourists love David Hasselhoff.
Fergie, the Duchess of York, turned down a guest appearance on the hit show Baywatch.
Now, my research has uncovered that Fergie is actually British, not German,
which, while not proving, certainly does nothing to disprove my time-tested
theory, Germans love David Hasselhoff.
Finally, reports out of Germany continue to indicate that David Hasselhoff is a
major recording star in that country, where his concerts routinely sell out and
his albums turn platinum, which once again proves my old theory, Germans love
David Hasselhoff.
Germans love me.
Which once again proves my theory, Germans love David Hasselhoff.
And that's the news.
See you next time.
Thank you, David.
Happy New Year!