Name: lyndon johnson1
Uploaded: 2024-12-23T10:27:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'lyndon johnson1' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'lyndon johnson1' from I'm not Norm on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-23. Transcript available.

I was watching on YouTube today, you going on Letterman.
YouTube's fun, man.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You know what I'm listening to now a lot, Tommy?
I'm listening to tapes, audio tapes of Lyndon Johnson.
Really?
Okay.
Well, now I understand that I believe that you actually do watch this website
now.
Yeah, yeah.
Really?
What do you mean?
Really?
It's a system, you know, that brought Nixon down, you know?
He put it in the tape system?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
And his are way more entertaining than Nixon's.
So he put it in.
That's kind of interesting.
I mean, that sounds like kind of what, you know, you build a system to record.
He did that, obviously, so he was very aware that it was there.
Yeah, yeah.
He's like you.
So he was sort of almost doing a radio trip.
He was like you.
He did what you do.
He was Rupert Pupkin.
Lyndon Johnson was Rupert.
Exactly.
So the funny ones were sometimes really funny.
Just like the Nixon ones, the funniest ones are when there's all these Nixon
tapes that
you can listen to in the Library of Congress that have nothing to do with Watergate.
They're way the fuck funnier.
Like it's just Nixon talking about his wife and shit.
And like one time his in-laws are coming.
He's like, I think I'll go stay at Blair House.
I don't like that lady with her cooking.
You know?
And you're like, oh, it's weird.
It's the president.
How many hours of these tapes have you listened to?
I've listened to a lot of them.
But the Johnson ones are the funniest.
So anyways, you probably didn't know this.
I never fucking knew this.
And the guy from the New York Times may or may not have.
Anyway, he's checking his watch going, what's The Simpsons mean so far?
No, no, no.
Oh, Rickles.
So anyways, what was I talking about?
The Lyndon Johnson tapes.
Yeah.
So I didn't know this.
Lyndon Johnson, he wins his election, right?
He's way ahead in the polls, like a week before the elections come.
And his chief of staff, they have a party, you know, because they're so happy
because next
week they're going to be president again for four more years.
So they have a big party at the White House and his chief of staff goes across
the street
to a YMCA and blows a dude.
Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
So the next day.
I'm going to take my jacket off here, this is ridiculous.
What happened here?
Yeah, that's what happened.
See that again?
Okay, so Lyndon Johnson, right?
Yeah.
He's going to win.
Yeah.
He knows he's going to win.
He's way ahead in the polls, as long as nothing crazy happens.
Right?
So he goes, hey, let's have a little party a week left, you know.
They're going to win easily unless something crazy thing happens, you know.
And so they're having the party and everything.
And how did anyone find out about the dude getting blown?
Because the chief of staff, well, listen, if you go into Hawaii and blow a guy,
you never
know.
But it just came out.
Did this actually come out in the press?
Yeah.
Like they had a sting operation.
And is this on the tapes?
Is this on the tapes?
It was in the old days, so the press couldn't say that, you know.
So they had to say it in language that the audience didn't even kind of
understand.
Uh-huh.
They go like he was caught in a somewhat compromising situation in a young man's
Christian's association.
And people, old farmers, they go, well, I wonder what happened there.
So I think that helped them.
But the conversations with Lyndon Johnson are hilarious because he goes, he's
just talking
to his friends and it's this longtime guy that he didn't know was gay, you know.
And he's like, my golly, I could never have figured that for Bob.
I've known Bob 30 years and I'd, he goes, I'd quicker say I was a fruit than
him.
Really?
On the tape?
On the tape, yeah.
It's one of the funniest lines I've ever heard.
Lyndon Johnson said that.
Where did you get the tapes?
And then he goes, and then the funniest thing is he phones J. Edgar Hoover, who
he knows
is gay, right?
But he's like real powerful and everything, right?
J. Edgar Hoover was good.
Yeah, like, you know, he was a transvestite and he had dudes over him.
Is this true or?
Yeah, yeah.
No, that's fairly well documented.
I'm not outing him.
I'm not Perez Hilton over here.
Yeah, I know people.
No, this is a, this is fairly, he's well documented.
So Lyndon Johnson knew for sure he was gay, but also he was scared of him
because he was so
powerful.
So he just like needles him, you know?
And he's like, so he's talking to him and he goes, I can't believe old Bob's
one of them
fellers.
You know, they didn't even have a word for it and stuff.
So J. Edgar Hoover goes, well, sir, that's, he goes, I have to ask a rather
tough question
here.
And when Bob was involved in this, was he more or less a, you know, a
participant or
was he more or less the feller that, you know, instigated the thing, you know?
He's asking if he's a catcher or a...
Oh, he is.
I don't know.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
What if you got me?
What if you got me?
Why are you talking about me?
What are you saying?
So the guy goes, so then J. Edgar Hoover goes, well, I wouldn't know.
Well, Mr. President, he goes, I'm sorry to tell you, he was the instigator.
You know, he goes, oh, good God.
He goes, how do you spot a feller like that, Edgar?
You know?
So then J. Edgar Hoover goes, well, I wouldn't know, sir.
He goes, oh, come on now, Edgar.
He goes, if there's anybody that could spot a feller like that, it'd be you.
Why, you're the head of the FBI.
This isn't really what's on the tape.
Yeah, no, it's true.
Is that really on the tape?
It's really on the tape.
J. Edgar Hoover's kind of mad.
He's like, ah, anyway, all right.
Yeah, you got to hear it.
It's the funny.
Really?
Just bring it in.
I know you love broadcasting.
Yeah.
Where did you get the tapes?
I read a book that were the history of the tape, and then I got the audio
version of the book,
and the audio version was the tapes themselves.
Really?
I didn't know about it.
Wow.
That's funny.
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry about me i can be a bit complicated so don't
worry don't worry don't worry don't worry about me i'm really intoxicated