Name: Atlantic City: Kingdom of Trump!
Uploaded: 2016-07-14T16:25:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Atlantic City: Kingdom of Trump!' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Atlantic City: Kingdom of Trump!' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-14. Transcript available.

Come here, you fuckers. Fuck. No birds!
Relaxing!
Hey, it's me, your boy, Mark Sievers from Truth in Learners.com.
We're down here in the beautiful, dirt-covered sands of Atlantic City,
the kingdom of Donald J. Trump,
and we're about to talk to some real Americans about Donald Trump convention...
You just need to take what happened here and extrapolate it all across the
United States,
and that's what a Trump presidency looks like, okay?
I think maybe he might start World War III. I don't know.
Hey, we all gotta go sometimes. At least it'd be pretty fucking cool to see it
happening.
In the end, right?
Come on, Hillary sucks, man. You want her in the office scratching her pussy,
yelling at people?
See all that Benghazi stuff that came out today about Hillary?
I've actually not seen it.
Turns out that she was there.
You know what we need to do? Just turn the Middle East into a parking lot, you
know what I mean?
I agree, I agree.
Who are you voting for?
I'm just dying.
Oh, okay.
Are we, are we all...
Dude, you gotta, don't he been to his casino?
Look at this, but that one's closed down.
Everybody burns their first pancake, right?
And then we got the Miss America pageant, where the women walk around on stage,
and we judge them.
That one's got fat tits. That one's got nice ass. That one's smart.
Birds are the homeless of the wild. Get the fuck out of here, you piece of shit.
They should employ people to be on this beach with handguns firing off at these
goddamn birds.
Humans only, no fucking birds.
I'm from Rosemount, Illinois. It was hard for me to get out here.
I won $700 because I accidentally swallowed a battery, and I sued Duracell, and
through a private arbitration, they gave me $700.
I wanted to be a lifeguard, but my stepdad, he didn't want me to be one. He
took me to the beach once.
He tied weights to my feet and threw me off the boat.
And then he just kind of left me there.
But I hope you guys are excited for Rock's new Baywatch movie, right?
Oh, yeah, man. I've noticed the women, am I right?
Right?
Fat booties.
Oh, man. Fat, wet booty jumping up and down, getting everybody going crazy.
Yeah, makes you nuts.
Yeah.
That's cheap living up the right cheap.
Oh, fuck, dude. And then shit comes out.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Because that's, uh, booties is where shit comes from.
All right, man, you have a good one, and hopefully I'll see you around on the
beach.
Oh, yeah. While I was in town in Atlantic City, there was a police convention
with all the new toys for the security and cop boys.
I decided to stop by and pay a visit.
The holster is a Phalanx Flash, which is a fully loaded automatic safety holster.
And what does that prevent people from doing?
Grabbing the gun and firing the gun.
You want me to try to get it off you?
Sure.
I think I can...
In the meantime, I'm going to be killing you.
That's, yeah, you got a knife straight to the face, am I right?
I can sit here.
Excuse me, do you know where...
Because of the weapon.
Come on, I can get this.
I'll put you on the floor to do it.
All right.
Okay.
Are you proper spraying an elephant with this?
What is it?
This unscrews when it's empty.
Then you hand tighten it.
That's a...
Why the fuck you guys don't have any, uh...
No, we're just filming for ourselves.
You can't be in here filming.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, we just can't have you in here.
I got kicked out of the police convention.
I'm actually pretty fucking pissed.
They do so goddamn much for this country and no one fucking respects them.
And I wanted to go and show them that I respect...
Them.
Fuck!
You know, I'm fighting for the white rights and the men's rights that we all
need.
Every one of those guys look cool.
I bet you they have a cool Harley that's got like a CD player and a windscreen
on it.
Got a nice fucking beautiful wife.
Huge fat stinky tits.
Nice little fucking meatball sons that play football.
All I want is to have a gun and fucking feel the tit and go to sleep.
And not be so fucking sad all the time.
Fucking bird!
I'm more powerful than birds.
Hey, well the police convention was a hell of a lot of fun.
But sure as shit, it ain't fucking fun.
It's the goddamn Atlantic City nightlife.
So let's hit it and get wet and fuck a big fat ass.
Get money!
Fuck ass!
Yeah, I may have been kicked out of the police convention.
But I'm in Atlantic City.
Dressed like Jim Carrey from The Mask.
Having the time of my life.
And the police were right to kick me out.
The police are always right.
You must never question them.
You must hand over your will to them everyday and get down on your knees and
say thank you officer.
And you are an angel hero.
An elite force protecting me from the ISIS and getting them out of my
neighborhood.
Look at this fucking head.
Atlantic City is a beacon of light built by Father Trump to show us what our
country could and should be.
It is up to us whether or not we'd like to dance.
Good job dancing.
Wasted away again in Margaritaville.
Get the fuck out of here.
Fucking cocksucker.