Name: WORLDSERIES Cubs Playboy champs
Uploaded: 2016-11-28T16:31:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'WORLDSERIES Cubs Playboy champs' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'WORLDSERIES Cubs Playboy champs' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-28. Transcript available.

Hey Chicago, hey Chicago, hey Chicago, hey Chicago, hey Chicago, hey Chicago,
hey Chicago.
Haha, what's up? My name's Matt.
Hey, my name's Matt.
And we love The Cubs.
I get my hair cut at Portillo.
Go tees, get girls wet.
Working in sales is a shit because there's no ceiling to how much you can make.
Every weekend I go to a party where a porch collapses.
All my boys have fucked up my bed.
It's his bro code.
Dude, my dream is to be Blues Brothers.
When I was 14, I beat the shit out of a big ass sea turtle with an aluminum bat
in Florida.
My dream is to drink a big plastic cup of ice water on my deck.
Who do you think rips bigger bongs, James Franco or Greg Wilson?
James Franco.
There's a no doubt.
I can tell when an eighth grader is gonna grow up to be hot.
The way cops are being treated is fucked up.
I'm a sales guy at Cars.com.
I'm putting on 60 pounds of muscle for my boy's wedding.
I wish the TV show Girls was all guys.
Did that movie Fear With Mark Wahlberg be normal to me?
Beyonce's a Black Panther.
Cool Intentions starring Drew Barrymore's sexy movie.
I go to Comedy Sports every night and tag out.
You guys are tits?
No, we're supporting our team.
James D5!
James D Milks!
Milks!
Doodles!
Last weekend I went into the Forest Preserve with two 30-packs of Ice House and
tried to kill myself.
Ever since my dad got arrested for manslaughtering my mom, my life has actually
been pretty wild.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
I like what she's having.
Fly the W for the white.
Fly the W for the white.
Fuck it in the air!
Fuck it in the air!
Fuck it in the air!
Fuck it in the air!
Fuck it in the air!
Fuck it in the air!
You and my boys going out!
I'm gonna get a pussy tonight!
Yeah!
Yeah!
I thought we were going out tonight.
Then you're going out, you're chilling, you're yelling with those dudes?
I'm seriously very fucked up of you, dude.
Done.
You jacked?
You mad?
I am.
10 things I hate about you is actually pretty legit.
I'll fucking pop off anywhere, anytime.
U.S. military is dope.
That movie Scream could happen.
The way cops are being treated is fucked up.
How do you get out of the friend zone?
I'm in the friend zone with this girl very hard.
She's my stepsister technically, but my dad just remarried,
and I'm very attracted to my stepsister.
I don't really know, because...
I want to fuck my stepsister so bad.
If you're on a date with me at the Signature Lounge,
then you're important to me.
Victims always lie.
My favorite Family Guy member is Giggity Giggity.
Dave Matthews man?
Literally saved my life.
Dave Matthews man?
Literally saved my life.
You've got your ball, you've got your chain tied to me,
tie, tie me up again.
Who's got the claw?
Dude, instead of wedding vows, I'm going to give my wife the shocker.
A social media presence is key.
How do you feel for the rest of the series?
You fucking Niles Crane looking motherfucker,
I'll crack your goddamn skull and I'll fucking piss on your ass.
Eat the ass!
Eat the ass with some butter!
Eat the ass!
We don't do that!
We don't do that!
No, we don't do that!
No, we don't do that!
Come on, man!
You don't eat the booty, man!
You got to say, eat the bliss!
Dude, actually, I know some MILFs in this area.
I'm sorry.