Name: Jay Walking 2K19
Uploaded: 2019-02-19T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Walking 2K19' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Walking 2K19' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-19. Transcript available.

Hey, it's me your boy Conor Malley. We're down here on Hollywood Boulevard and
we're about to
hit the streets to do a little segment called Jaywalking. If you remember Jaywalking
is a
segment from the Tonight Show at Jay Leno. Where would you find chlorophyll?
Probably in your
toilet. Hey, why don't I take that segment from Jay Leno? I'll do it myself. I'm
going to talk to
people and ask them simple questions that, of course, all these dumb pig
fucking hicks are
going to get wrong. It's sponsored by Raytheon. Raytheon does protect us and I'd
like to thank
everyone at Raytheon for making the missiles that give me the freedom to do
silly stuff like this.
Let's hit the piss silk street to Hollywood Boulevard. What's the temperature
of water that
freezes? Freezes at zero Celsius. Who's the Queen of England? Elizabeth. What's
that capital of the
United States? Washington, D.C. Damn it. Have you watched Tonight Show at Jay
Leno? Always. Do you
remember that segment Jaywalking? Yes. I'm trying to do that and everybody
knows all the answers to the
questions. That sucks. Fucking bullshit. Fuck. Fuck. I try to get a gun every
day and they won't let
me. All right. Meet me in my car in half an hour. Yeah, that's right. Everyone
should have a
firearm in Los Angeles. Take it easy, man. Okay, you have a good one. What do
you do? I sell office
supplies to various companies through it. You know, not like the big boys like
Office Mac stuff, but
what other smaller retail office supply store chains are you?
What other smaller retail office supply store chains are you?
Oh yeah, you've been Jaywalked.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You're
going to be
the same. I don't know. You're going to be the same. You're going to be the
same. You're going to be the same.
You're going to be the same. You're going to be the same. You're going to be
the same. You're going to be the same.
I don't know. I don't know. You're going to be the same. You're going to be the
same. You're going to be the same.
I don't know. You're going to be the same. You're going to be the same. You're
going to be the same.
I don't know. You're going to be the same. You're going to be the same. You're
going to be the same.
You're going to be the same. You're going to be the same. You're going to be
the same.
Why do you steal from Jay? I'm sorry. I love Jay. I don't want him. Please don't
help me.
Don't you understand? Jay just wants to bring joy to the world. Why do you
disrespect him?
You steal Jaywalking and you're perverted? I don't steal it. I respect him. It's
an homage to him.
Don't you understand? Jay just wants to tell jokes at 11:30. Jay is a saint. He
does not
touch his tonight show money. Jay lives off of stand-up. I know. I think that's
so cool. Please.
Jay loves automobiles. I like automobiles too. Please don't hurt me. For
thousands of years,
there's been a Jay telling jokes about Viagra. Rehabbing steam cars and eating
italian beefs.
I have created a Jay for every generation. You will be my NET.
You steal Jaywalking and you perverted? I don't steal it. I respect him. It's
an homage.
I fucking look like J. Milo dude.
I fucking look like J. Milo dude.
I fucking look like J. Milo dude.
I fucking look like J. Milo dude.
I fucking look like J. Milo dude.
I fucking look like J. Milo dude.
I fucking look like J. Milo dude.
You have a responsibility.
You must be the new Jay.
Oh god. It was so dang hot recently, huh?
So dang hot recently.
It was actually so hot that Robert Blake hired a hip person to kill Mother
Nature.
You might age me, but back in my day, getting juiced is when O.J. Simpson
earned you.
When Jackson was released from the hospital today, we asked how he's feeling.
He said, "I feel like a kid again."
But he fucked kids!
He fucked kids!
He fucking gets fucked with fucking kids!
Now fucking God beautiful women!
I trifled with the ancient and powerful forces of jaywalking.
I thought that I could play with them and escape consequences.
But instead I got punished with this fucked up ass looking J. Leno head.
But it's not a curse.
It's a blessing.
I get to be a servant to the people.
Spreading jokes about Viagra and making fun of that dumb fucking bitch who
burnt herself at
McDonald's with the coffee.
Remember that shit in the fucking 90s?
What the hell dude?
Coffee's hot!
You fucking idiot!
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