Name: Leather Metropolis dir Michael Bay (2003)
Uploaded: 2020-05-04T16:30:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Leather Metropolis dir Michael Bay (2003)' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Leather Metropolis dir Michael Bay (2003)' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-04. Transcript available.

Life is exactly like a video game.
I got the cheat codes.
My cheat code is confidence, and I put it in every day.
It's not a, you know, a triangle, circle.
Left, right, left, right, up, down.
It's take a shower, comb your hair, get dressed.
Look yourself in the mirror and say,
I'm the number one fucker.
I am a new being made of digital flesh.
I have merged with the cyber.
I can take my arm, and I can put it out incredibly fast.
And if your face happens to be in that space,
then my arm is traveling through incredibly fast.
Whoops, oh well, looks like you got punched.
Sorry, you're going to have to go to the back of the line now,
because lunchtime is over, little baby.
Keep your father close, put your enemies closer.
Godfella, part two.
In my religion, God is a computer.
And his only son is Master Chief.
For those who want respect, they must give respect.
Nicolas Cage, Gone in 60 Seconds, 2000.
I want you to know.
We live in age of computer.
I know that if me and Leonardo DiCaprio were ever to meet,
we would become friends.
The food I eat, it's digital,
and you wouldn't even be able to see it.
I wish I could explain it to you,
but it'd be like explaining mathematics to a turkey.
I've completed so many accomplishments,
I can't even list them all.
Graduated high school.
Finished all the side missions
in Grand Theft Auto San Andreas.
And I have conducted sex.
I'm a genius billionaire playboy palanthropist.
Avengers, Tony Stark, 2012.
If you don't pull up your pants in the morning,
you might as well just take your fucking head
and put it underneath a car
and let him drive over it.
Because you're pathetic.
You either live long enough to be the hero
or you die trying to be the villain.
Dark Knight, 2008.