Name: FIX THE MARKET
Uploaded: 2020-08-18T16:43:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'FIX THE MARKET' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'FIX THE MARKET' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-18. Transcript available.

- Everything is fucked up right now.
No one's got job, everybody found out about racism
and disease be going bad.
Am I gonna sit around on the fucking couch
and not do anything?
No!
I decided that I'm gonna do something about it.
I decided that I'm gonna make a difference.
I'm gonna bury myself alive.
Drink a magic potion that I read about
on the Warlock page of Reddit.com.
It is a special magic potion of shrimp tails
and non-dairy coffee creamer
that will help me transition into the financial realm.
Where I will ask the financial spirits for help.
I will be asking them to raise the market.
I'll be asking them to mail everybody $200 and quarters
so that they can go and buy skins on Fortnite.
We will do it.
We will fucking do it.
I'm gonna fix this.
Don't worry guys.
Don't worry guys, I got this.
I got this.
I got this.
So, let's go.
НАПРЯЖЕННАЯ МУЗЫКА
- Digital media most self-proclaimed hustler.
- Gary Vaynerchuk.
- Gary Vee.
- Gary Vee, ladies and gentlemen.
- Nobody gives a fuck about your feelings, bro.
I'm gonna make you Monday morning my bitch.
Are you hungry enough to fucking eat shit?
Or are you soft?
Or are you soft?
- That is some gangster emotional structure.
- And the only thing that penetrates is your own voice.
- The reason I really win is 'cause I understand time.
- You literally want to die instead of failure.
You should take me defeat personally, period.
- Mom or dad will screw you.
They'll screw you.
- They made you insecure.
- Oh, he didn't love you.
- Carnage.
Carnage.
- Oh.
- You know what, Spy Southwest 2007 changed my life.
I'm not scared of Elon or Schmielan or Zucks or Cubes or Ashton or anybody
about anything
that comes to do with the game that I'm playing 'cause I'm gonna wear it.
I'm gonna get lines.
Go somewhere, go somewhere, like go to meetup.com, go to a Facebook group, join
some shit.
DM the 800 people that you think are, make sure they're not bullshitting.
They're like doing what you want and just make one new friend.
I often use the analogy of a lightning bug that just goes to the light and gets
zapped.
I always wonder, does that bug know that they're about to get zapped but they
just can't help it?
There's an enormous sense of destiny that runs through my body.
There's an enormous sense of destiny that runs through my body.