Name: Rebranded Mickey Mouse
Uploaded: 2023-03-27T15:27:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rebranded Mickey Mouse' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rebranded Mickey Mouse' from Conner O'Malley on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-27. Transcript available.

*Ding*
*Ding*
Been in the woods for the past five months, creating a new, darker, rebranded
version of Mickey Mouse.
That's just for Millennial and Gen X, Gen Z, Gen, the new generation.
I'm gonna come out here in the woods, and I'm just going to embody Mickey here,
or as I would call Mick.
And I'm gonna do kind of character walks, and I'm gonna do kind of warm-up
exercises.
I'm just gonna improvise as him, and I'm gonna appeal the space, and I'm gonna
walk around as him.
And I want to take him, cheer chipper, happy-go-lucky, everything is great guy.
And I'm gonna take him down, I'm gonna take him down to the duct of a sword.
I am perceived in character of him.
And I just kind of know him, it's just kind of like having like a, it feels
more like having an expert inside of my mind at all times.
I want to take him, I want to turn him from a mouse into a rat, put him in a
cage, see what he's made of, and spit him out into the world.
A demon, a devil, a bastard, and a hell fucker.
And I want him to come up from hell, I want him to fuck an angel, I want a
Mickey, and I want that angel to give birth to a Mickey Mouse.
So I have a meeting inside of the, this is Mickey Mouse's office building, I
have a meeting inside of there to talk to him.
But nobody inside tells security that I have a meeting, so I decide I'm gonna
jump over the fence to try to talk to him.
But what happens is my head keeps getting caught in these Mickey human traps
that they have.
This is Mickey for the new millennium. He's struggling with smartphone
addiction and impossible burning syndrome.
We need a revolution. We need a new visual language.
We need a visual language.
We need a visual language.
We need a visual language.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I know once in a lifetime.
Get the fuck out of my house, all right?
I understand the disrespect.
I understand the hostility.
I'm about to call the police right now if you don't get the fuck out of my
house.
How the fuck did you get in here?
You're leaving.
You're leaving right now, dude, okay?
Can you just...
You're literally trying to throw me away.
Can I talk to you for a second?
How do you know that I'm a fucking Disney exec and how did you find my fucking
house?
Because I used the computer at Best Buy to find you.
All right.
Can you please...
You know that's illegal?
That is a different type of atomic masculinity version of Mickey Mouse.
Great, great.
Okay.
We're not fucking interested, okay?
So you need to get the fuck out.
Could you send a squad car over immediately?
Can I see this?
It's a new version of Mickey Mouse where I'm...
I'm Mickey Mouse.
Sir?
I'm Mickey Mouse.
Sir.
Sir.
Hands on your head.
Sir, I just came here to pitch.
He's not breathing.
We need backup.
I just came here to pitch.
I just came here to pitch new Mickey Mouse.
I'm sorry.
It's a completely rebranded Mickey Mouse.
Because it's not just Mickey.
It's a whole cinematic universe built around a new rebranded version of Mickey
Mouse called
Nick Mouse.
I got it.
I got it.
It's darker, like euphoria.
It's euphoria for Mickey Mouse.
But instead of everybody being human and having sex, they're mouse or duck or
goofy.
I got to tell you, I've heard a lot of bullshit in this room over the years.
That was pretty interesting.
Thank you!
Oh my God, thank you!
I can kind of see it.
Yes!
Totally!
I think, uh...
I think we'd like to get this made for you.
Who's we?
What about we, the LAPD?
Let me get this straight.
All I have to do to pitch my idea to a judge is sign a confession saying that I
murdered
that man.
That's the only barrier right now.
And it's standard.
But I'm not going to go to jail for murder.
I don't make that decision.
You don't make that decision.
But if my pitch is good enough, it'll help?
If you believe in your pitch, you're going to confess.
The trial of the rebranded Mickey Mouse began today at the Olaf Justice Center
in downtown
Disney.
Accused murderer Mickey.
The jury heard testimony from the rebranded Mickey Mouse and included a 40-page
pitch document
for the new, darker, and grittier version of Mickey Mouse.
Of Disney to Disney.
The reboot of Mickey includes a 20-movie cinematic franchise, a henty animated
adult show, and
a new adult theme park in Berlin.
Day 15 of the murder trial of the rebranded Mickey Mouse continued today, as
the judge allowed
the rebranded Mickey Mouse to do a 45-minute character walk in the courtroom in
full costume.
The defense called to the Stan Goofy, who said that he is extremely interested
in exploring
a character arc where he struggles with porn addiction and ADHD.
The verdict is in.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty of having weird ideas and murder.
He will be beheaded on Main Street in Disney World for 17 counts of weird ideas
that are not
normal.
And one count of involuntary manslaughter.
The execution will be broadcast on Disney+.
Breaking news.
We now go live to the White House with a message from President G.I. Joe Biden.
My fellow Americans, at six o'clock today, I deployed the Walgreens Defense
Force to conduct
a raid on downtown Disneyland to bring the rebranded Mickey Mouse back to the U.S.
on
harm.
Assisted by the Panera Bread Tactical Air Command, this is one of the hardest
storylines in all
of the U.S. military cinematic universe.
As of nine o'clock, the rebranded Mickey Mouse is alive and well and enjoying $30
at McDonald's.
Thank you and God bless rebranded Mickey Mouse.
Our cameras captured the rebranded Mickey Mouse at the launch of his new doll
at the Disney
store.
We are just receiving news that the rebranded Mickey Mouse was stabbed in Times
Square by a 23-year-old
radicalized Disney fundamentalist.
The rebranded Mickey Mouse is dead.
A candlelight vigil will be held at the NHL store in Hudson Yards.
The Disneyland Ministry of Defense has claimed responsibility for the
assassination.
Tens of thousands of protesters are once again hitting the streets.
The United States has placed an embargo on all of the Magic Kingdom's fear of
influence.
The no-fly zone was declared over Disney Animal Kingdom.
There's a theory out there that the Walgreens Defense Force actually paid for
the redevelopment
of Mickey Mouse and programmed him to kill the Disney executive, knowing that
Disney could
use that as a pretext to start a war with the U.S.
Yeah, holy shit.
Panera Bread Tactical Aerosol rebranded Mickey Mouse to disrupt Disney World's
secret fast
casual food program.
Universal Studios and SeaWorld have signed a mutual defense treaty with Disney.
My social credit score's too low, I can't see my fucking children.
President G.I. Joe Biden gave Disney forces 72 hours to put down their weapons
and surrender.
Disney has launched 1,000 ICBM nuclear warheads, striking several NFL stadiums
in the U.S.
At 7 a.m., I gave the order to launch intercontinental ballistic missiles at
all Disney military bases
and Epcot.
Life is a highway, I'm gonna ride it all night long.
Yeah!
If you're going my way, well, I wanna drive it all night long.
Yeah!
Come on, guys!
The world is over and is ending.
Before I die, I would like to thank the film Top Gun Maverick for being an
awesome freaking flick.
Goodbye.