Name: Bill Burr _ Flirtatious Co-worker! [Advice]
Uploaded: 2022-05-21T01:44:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ Flirtatious Co-worker! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ Flirtatious Co-worker! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-21. Transcript available.

advice lady at the office wants it okay hey Bill I was wondering if you and the
lovely Nia if she's around could help me with an issue I've been having the
past
couple of months it has to do with a fucking lady at work so this girl
started at my office a little over two months ago and I've been training her on
basically everything so we've been spending a lot of time together cue the
porno music all right now this girl is by no means a smoke show but she is cute
and she's the type of girl who gets more attractive when you get to know her
because she's pretty cool we have a lot in common like musical tastes and we
both
like the same beer among other things oh so you've obviously gone drinking or
at
the very least you've discussed you know going out and having a few you know it's
so funny about that sir you didn't even think of that question your dick did
your
dick is always closing your dick is always in a two-minute offense you know
but you got to be careful because just like Brett Favre it will throw back over
the middle for a pick six and I think that that's what you're about ready to do
if you start banging some broad at work unless you have the skills let me
finish
reading this thing here all right our job requires a lot of time on the road oh
god this is just totally set up our job requires a lot of time on the road so
we
have a lot of time to talk to each other while in the car you're in the car she
smells good she's crossing her legs how many times you got in a fucking hard-on
as
you've been driving with her trying to keep up some stupid conversation as your
dick's going do it do it anyways a lot of what we've been talking about is hookup
hookups and sex and what we both like and don't like do this is a layup you're
in
there and as I could have predicted a bit of sexual tension began to arise what
do
you mean you could have predicted dude don't fucking play this game with me all
right you know what you're doing a little bit of sexual tension that you
fucking created you're staring the conversation towards this exactly like
you should be doing this is right down the checklist by the time I get done
reading this you'll probably fucking blow a load in her you're doing everything
you
can to fuck this girl anyways what didn't help the situation was one day when
we
admit to each other that we would bang each other if she didn't have a
boyfriend
oh Jesus dude listen before we go any further I totally respect what you're
doing here all right what I don't respect is the way you're you're telling it
to me
as if this shit is just happening and you're not manipulating the situation
okay you're
totally manipulating the situation this is like t-ball this is like pussy t-ball
at this
point it's just sitting right there waiting for you to knock it out of the park
and it
was all because of the excellent fucking work that you've done all right I'm
gonna
continue to read this all right but I want to tell you and everybody else don't
fucking talk
to me like I'm an idiot yeah I used to sing you know when I had the sexual
tension because we're
sitting there talking about banging how did you get on that subject what dumb
subject was she talking
about as you sat there and sort of fucking forced the conversation you know not
forced because then she
would have known you just sort of gradually how did you do it aren't you
compliment her shoes or
something you know that's always a good thing you know it's a great fucking way
if you're trying to
figure out how to turn the topic to sex and you're you know you're not at a bar
or anything is you
actually compliment another woman that walks by yeah wow there's a beautiful
woman I could really
you know and women just find that fascinating why what do you like about it
blah blah blah blah
and you start with that as the jump off point and then you're in you know then
you're in you're in
okay just don't reach out and grab her titty in a moment of fucking reflex
though because then you'll
have a problem all right here we go the sexual tension only got worse as we
talked as we talked about
it more saying what we would do if we ever hooked up with each other yeah first
of all this girl does
not love her boyfriend and uh yeah yeah this is this is over this is like a
fucking red shoe diary at
this point uh meanwhile when we are in the office she calls me from her desk
from her desk to mine and
sends me email trying to chit chat and shit and basically flirts hardcore uh
see right there dude
right there right there you just had a meltdown in the nuclear plant it's
starting to spill over
you got to get this girl under wraps this is bad uh to the point where people
have asked if there's
anything going on between us uh you're sloppy you're young and you're sloppy uh
when we're out of work she
texts me constantly which gets a little annoying but I'd be a liar if I didn't
like it because I mean who
doesn't like flirting with an attractive lady you told me before that she wasn't
really that attractive
but after a while she starts getting more attractive what after she says she
wants to suck your dick
oh fuck you know what this is this chick is like a virus and she's already
contaminated your entire
workspace this this might be beyond my help I don't even know where you're
going with this anyways the
situation came to a head one saturday night when she texts me saying she wants
to be drunk honest
with me I literally said oh jesus to myself why you created this situation and
he goes and I asked what
she meant she went on to say she wanted to make out with me because she's never
felt this way about
someone and even though she loves her boyfriend who she's about to move in with
and plans on marrying
she doesn't think that making out with me is a big deal I kind of brushed it
off as a drunk text and
when she texted me the next day I asked her if she had changed to mine and she
said no and she still
wanted to so I asked so I asked you this sir what the fuck do I do I know it
sucks to be cheated on
because I've been cheated on and I don't want to do that to this dude because I've
met her boyfriend
once and he's a good guy at the same time he's not my friend here's where his
dick comes in to argue the other
side of it at the same time he's not my friend and therefore I feel I need I
need to be loyal I don't need to be
loyal to him by not hooking up with his girlfriend I know be a sleazeball move
on my part but she's old enough to make her own
decisions and she has told me it wouldn't if it wouldn't affect her
relationship with him
oh jesus dude whether or not she's actually that's actually true I won't know
unless I go through with this and wait for the fallout
exactly once again she she told me she wants to do that she wants to all she
wants to do is make out and not bang
but I know myself and as a 23 year old guy making out doesn't quite do it for
me anymore so I know I'll try to go further
let me know what you think thanks in advance love the podcast all right all
right all right
the question you got to ask you need to ask two questions how much do you like
your job
and two can her boyfriend beat the shit out of you does he have any felony
convictions or anything like that
because this whole thing is going to blow up in your face um this is a confused
woman
she doesn't know what she wants to do she doesn't know how to be in a
relationship she's fucking she's
actually using you um and you guys are going to fuck you might not fuck the
first time but you're gonna
fuck and then you're gonna fuck on a regular basis unless you decide you don't
want to and it's gonna get
weird this is one of these girls no matter what it's gonna get fucking weird
so all right I don't know what to tell you here because I don't know all the
details but
the smart move here is to not fuck this woman okay people already know there's
sexual tension
so if you know she has a boyfriend they know she has a boyfriend and you're
just gonna look like a
piece of shit and the whole thing's gonna blow up and it's gonna be gossip and
you have any sort of
like desire to move up in that country your country that company you're really
gonna fucking
screw that aspect of it up um there's plenty of fucking women you're 23 years
old you're in the
prime of your fucking life go out and fuck somebody else all right and that
whole thing there you know
she's got a boyfriend and you know blah blah blah blah blah I agree with you
that's not your fucking fault
okay but the thing about it is what makes it weird is you're gonna see this
girl again the next day
and the next day and the next day you know what's gonna happen is you know you're
in your head you can
be like yeah we're just fucking because she said we're just fucking and she
said it isn't a big deal
because she said it isn't a big deal and you know what she's gradually gonna
suck you into having a
fucking relationship with her and you're gonna have to break up with somebody
that you're not even going
out with at fucking work and then she's gonna make your life a living hell this
fucking girl not only
could she not keep her goddamn legs closed you know she can't keep her fucking
mouth shut she's gonna
talk to somebody else and the whole thing's gonna fucking blow up all right so
my advice to you is
don't fuck this girl have a mature conversation with her and say look it'd be
one thing if you were single
but you're not you have a boyfriend i feel bad i met the guy you want to move
in with them you want
to get married this is the way you do just i just i really find you attractive
i would really love to
hook up with you but i just i can't i wasn't raised that way you just back out
of it that way
and just get the out of it man i'm telling you unless you haven't been laid in
a while and you
don't give a shit about your job then just bang it right on your goddamn desk
in front of the security
cameras you know put your website write it on your back
and you know what fucking come right in her face give this dirty whore what she
deserves you know
but other than that i'm telling you the downfall of men it's our dicks our dicks
get us in more
goddamn trouble than anything else and if you can somehow make a rational
decision despite the
fucking moron shit your dick is saying your dick is like that diva wide
receiver on the football team
screaming for the ball every other play you know and you know goddamn well it's
double coverage okay all
you need to do is just fucking wind down the last two minutes of the game and
there's your
fucking douche screaming at you what are you gonna do
you know that's a tough one that's really a tough one but but you know if you're
gonna break up with
it just act like you're an honorable human being and just say i can't do it
because you have a boyfriend
just say it like you believe it and then get out of it and i and you watch you
watch what happens
okay there's still gonna be fallout to that it's just it just feels like weird
like you're not like
talking to me anymore bitch fuck you you psycho you already have a situation on
your hands please
by the by the way i'm actually invested in this emotionally now i want to know
what happens please
let me know if you fucker if you don't fucker what happens what doesn't happen
and all that all right