Name: Bull Burr _ My Girlfriend Tried To Break Up With Me! [Advice]
Uploaded: 2022-05-22T02:41:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bull Burr _ My Girlfriend Tried To Break Up With Me! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bull Burr _ My Girlfriend Tried To Break Up With Me! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-22. Transcript available.

girlfriend tried to break up with me hey bill from over the hill oh man i
watched this fucking
you know my wife likes watching the murder shows before she goes to bed just
like that great snl
sketch she either watches that or she watches dumb reality so we had on this i
swear to god
a game show about reality shows it was the stupidest fucking thing people sit
there and
somebody goes like we'll say like one of the reality show stars says something
to the other
cast members and they bleep out the word so you can't see what it is and then
you have to try and
guess they tell you what the word was and then you say true or false i swear to
god i was like i can't
watch this shit so she puts on this fucking murder show and it's just of this
beautiful i'll fast
forward through all of this shit this beautiful girl gets killed by some
fucking creep she meets
online and it turns out this creep is one of these kids who can't get fucking
laid they used to be
called nerds now they've they're like halliburton they gave themselves a new
fucking name all right
and i don't you know i don't know what their deal is they end up getting mad at
these women because
they can't get laid you know when i was a kid it was called a slump everybody
went through a slump
so if you're out there right now you did the last thing you want to do is start
hating women because
you're just gonna be turning them off and now you're just you're trying too
hard all right you got to
go watch fast times at ridgemont high you don't care if she comes stays laser
praise there you got the
attitude right you got a fucking self a little vibe you know these fucking lunatics
this kid goes out
and he kills this poor girl and then like he took video of him doing it in
pictures and these fucking
assholes online were sending it to uh her parents and what fucking killed me is
there's no protection
for the parents and then the people that were writing mean shit when they
showed their mean tweets
they're blurring out their twitter handles like so you're protecting the assholes
and not the parents
it was one of the most heartbreaking things i've ever seen and that's the last
thing we watch and
then we go to bed it's like what what the i just don't know i just looked at my
wife i was like well
that was uplifting yeah i really like humanity now big fan of people our
girlfriend tried to break up
with me uh hey bill from over the hill i was dating this girl everything was
going well
for the first few months until the red flag started to show up it seemed
everywhere we went in her
hometown she had a story how she and her ex had sex in that particular place
she told you that
oh jesus dude i mean you got to walk when that happens all right could you
could you be saying that to her
hey my last girlfriend uh whose boobs were just a little bigger than yours i
bent her over that
fucking rock over there what what what did i say um all right he goes on to say
um i don't know
about anyone else but the last thing you want to hear on a date with your
girlfriend at the local
pizza pizza joint is how she used to bang it out with old dick and harry on the
same counter
yeah when i explained this bother me she said how i was jealous and needed to
get over myself
yeah this is a toxic fucking person that is hurting you and now is blaming the
victim dude
this is like a fucking no-brainer just i don't even need to need to read the
rest of this i will
uh that this is this is one of the easiest decisions a few months went by and
one day she told me some lady
on social media was massaging her you know messaging is what you wanted to
write
asking if we were together but would not disclose disclose who it was i told
her i had no clue who would
do such a thing later she claimed it was an old co-worker of mine but it seemed
out of character
for that particular person so i didn't follow up the next few months i would
start to receive
strange messages on this is this your psycho girlfriend doing this to you the
next month few
months pretending to be somebody else the next few months i would start to
receive strange
messages on social media and through text messages from girls claiming they met
me on dating apps
and wanted to see how i was doing i didn't respond to any of these yeah this is
your psycho girl she's
got a burner phone jesus christ this is some fucking glen close fatal
attraction shit then one day my
girlfriend once again claimed someone had messaged her on social media this
time the person claimed i was
unfaithful which started a huge fight between us where she had asked me if i
had been seeing anyone
while we were dating i told her i had not but when we initially met i was
talking to someone else
but had stopped once we started seeing each other more exclusively she claimed
this was cheating
and she had lied about someone messaging her because she wanted to prove i'm a
no good scumbag
and we broke up well there you go dude and listen let her think that this is
how you break up with
the psycho okay you're a no good scumbag just like you know act like you're
fighting her but let her win
and then she leaves change your number change the locks maybe change your zip
code just get the fuck out of
it anyways a few days after i decided to contact my former co-worker to ask if
my then girlfriend
had ever contacted her she said nobody had ever messaged her she didn't even
know i was dating by this
point i found out my ex was already in a relationship with her ex oh that's
great okay so she just used
that as a way to get it break wow how fucking elaborate this is why they got to
teach people
kids how to break up with people
if i was ever a junior high or a high school teacher i would say hey listen you
guys are in
the beginning of dating it's great but one of the things that i wish they told
me is how to break up
with somebody and just say listen we need to talk you sit down and talk and you
say listen
i'm not happy in this okay i'm just not happy i i like you but i don't like you
enough to keep
going and you just get that information out there and then they cry and they
flip out and blah blah
blah blah blah but you don't back down from how you feel and then that's it i'm
not happy and you just
get the fuck out of it you get out of it instead of having to create phony
accounts anyway by this
point i found out my ex was already in a relationship with her ex she would
always brag about banging in
all these locations yeah yeah so she probably cheated on you and this fucking
guy probably cheated on her
and uh he'll cheat on her again but guess what you're out of it you're you've
been extracted
from the situation like an undercover cop who you know they're getting too
close and they have to
pull you off the fucking case you're out you're out anyway he goes i think it's
safe to say she
made up contacting my former co my former co-worker absolutely i also believe
she had been the one
contacting me from the strange number and social media accounts absolutely what
do you think bill
was she behind all of this in an effort to end the relationship yes and she's
batshit crazy okay and
she's gonna go back to that fucking other dude that the only reason why he's
banging her is because
she's batshit crazy and is fucking wild in the rack okay but neither you or him
want to have kids
until she with with anything like that until that thing figures out what the
fuck it is
all right that's a wild animal okay you ever see when they get an animal in a
fucking trap
right and they fix it and then they try to set it free and it fucking jumps out
of the cage and
then jumps into the cab and starts scratching up the driver or the fucking
doctor that helped that's
what the fuck you had let that thing run into the forest um that is it and i'll
tell you wherever you
met that woman do not meet your next girlfriend there you're gonna need to
start fishing in a
different pond um wow man fucking psycho you dodged a bullet you dodged a
bullet anybody that ends up
with that if she stays where she is and doesn't grow as a person or figure out
what the fuck is wrong
with her dude i mean dude you will you will hold in like nuclear waste in your
fucking hand and you
know this other guy's carrying it now good for him have fun buddy have fun i am
out