Name: Bill Burr _ Dealing With Female Hostility! [Advice]
Uploaded: 2022-06-02T13:06:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ Dealing With Female Hostility! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr _ Dealing With Female Hostility! [Advice]' from BURR'S FANDOM on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-02. Transcript available.

um why don't we go right to the uh to the advice the advice page um i actually
respond to this
person in print actually emailed them back but i have to read this to uh to all
my listeners just
in case someone else is in this situation all right okay the guy writes good
morning sunshine
i like that when people start it off nice you know every once in a while get a
nice good morning
sunshine instead of instead of hey read this you cunt um anyways uh let's let's
let's read this
shall we are you ready okay gather round everyone um i guess i'll just cut to
the chase here very nice
i appreciate that um i've been with my girlfriend for about two and a half
years now oh jeez um the
last two years uh two of those years we've been living together sharing bills
rent etc jeez this
sounds like a nice situation what could go wrong the whole serious relationship
of the whole serious
relationship thing um we've had our ups and downs but for the most part the
arrangement is working
out for the better i have a roommate i can fuck without things getting awkward
we both make the same amount of money and we enjoy many of the same things
so here's the problem she's going to start nursing school in about six months
this means she can no
longer work at all leaving me to pay for everything i wouldn't mind doing this
if i could afford to
but i can't so she has decided that she wants to move in with her parents again
um for the two years
she's in school she's invited me to move in with her and her parents just pausing
here so every guy
listens to this could be like oh my god don't do it uh moving with her and her
parents so that i too
could save some money i don't want to move in with their parents though yeah jesus
there's a shocker
um don't get me wrong uh they're great people and all but come on i'm a 28 year
old man and i can't
imagine living under somebody else's roof no matter how cool they are when i
was kicked out of my
parents house at 18 i had to couch surf with friends families until i was able
to support myself
from that point on i've enjoyed the independence of having a place of my own to
call my home
uh even if i had roommates it was partly my place and i could feel comfortable
doing as i
pleased in a house of my peers my girlfriend thinks i'm being unreasonable she
says it's an ego thing
maybe it is is that so wrong though am i the only one in the world that doesn't
want to live with
with uh with his girlfriend's parents because of this of this situation her and
i have have been discussing
um how moving out of the same house would affect our relationship
and if we should continue dating oh god all right there's a lot of layers to
this
okay first and foremost you referred to your girl girlfriend is a roommate you
can
fuck so i'm this doesn't sound like the girl you want to spend the rest of your
life with
but just in case you just wrote that shit because you were trying to be funny
you know make me laugh or something on the podcast listeners let's just take
this let's just take this
at fucking face value and say this is the girl that you want to spend your life
with
um dude don't move in with their parents it's not what you want to do you're
not going to be happy and
you know you have every right to say i don't want to i don't want to move in
with you
in your parents house you know and i'm gonna tell you right now she is going to
do everything that
she can to try to mind fuck you into thinking that you're being a selfish piece
of shit when actually
she is being the selfish one that is absolutely fucking ridiculous that she
thinks you as a 28 year
old fucking man not married to her you know who can financially support himself
is then going to
fucking go move in with her goddamn parents to army would you like some eggs
you're going to go back
to that what did i tell you about leaving leaving your your sneakers near the
davenport
dude fuck all of that fuck all of that stand your ground okay now this is what
like women have like
i think like five or six different ways that they can try to convince you and
it's all done with emotion
okay they have this sweet way of doing it they could be like no you know it
could be it could be nice you
know get to know my parents better you like my parents right blah blah blah
blah blah all that type
of stuff or then they can go the childlike way well you gotta be nice if you
moved in with me right
they can use sex come on it could be fun they got that big bed downstairs right
or they can go to anger
actually they go to us crying that's another one i don't understand it if you
love me why would you
move in with me with my parents i don't understand what the difference is and
then finally anger
okay now anger always comes fucking last as far as i know they might go back to
tears but you have
to understand that when you get to anger and they start pushing your buttons
where they say
shit like they start challenging your manhood it's an ego thing uh yada yada yada
whatever
the fuck they want to say that this is where every guy loses an argument with a
woman you have to
understand that when a woman gets mad and starts just pushing your buttons they
say
okay that is the female version of the hail mary all right and i know i know
you guys all watch
nfl what does tom jackson say when they throw the hail mary what do you do
knock it down that's what you do
that's what you do and you knock it down by just being calm
now if she just says a bunch of shit and fucking anger okay and you actually
respond to the shit
and insult her back that's like taking an unnecessary roughness call after you
just stop the other team
fourth and fucking goal to end the game now it's a penalty they got a first
down you gave them all a
whole fucking four set of downs to try to get in the fucking end zone you
fucked up you had the game
won because you lost your cool don't ever lose your cool so this is what you do
just let her say all the
shit she's gonna say let her go through the fucking 58 fucking emotions and all
the techniques she's
gonna try the superman punch fucking arm bar rear naked choke all the shit she's
gonna try and you
just stick to your fucking guns just say i understand why you want to do it i i
respect what you you you
what you're saying here i should i don't want to do it i'm not going to be
happy i don't want to move
in with your parents i'm not saying i don't love you i'm not saying i'm not
going to support
you but i i don't want to move in with your parents it's not going to make me
happy and you just keep
you stick with that all right like a fucking talking head for a corporation
that just polluted
the ocean it's an unfortunate situation we are uh exhausting all resources to
see how we can rectify
the situation and uh we have no further comment uh at this time you just have
to stick with that and then
when in the very fucking end when she starts fucking challenging your manhood
um your fucking whatever it's whatever fucking childhood
shit you told her or whatever weakness you have and she starts trying to bring
that out you feel that
fire burning in your belly you just put it out with calmness you just stay calm
okay and if you feel
like you're gonna lose your cool this is what you just say you just say listen
you're being really hostile
right now um i think maybe we should discuss this later on today or possibly
tomorrow when you're in
a calmer mood
and then that's it dude that's it that's the end of the fucking game you just
knocked it down to the
ground and she would get fucking mad and she can flip out all the fuck she
wants she might even start
knocking your shit off the dresser she's just looking for a reaction she's lost
the argument
she's lost the argument and you just don't take the fucking bait and you know
what the sad thing is
is i know this shit and i still take the fucking bait
a good uh 60 of the time you know why because they're that fucking good
i'm drinking another smoothie by the way and you know why they're that fucking
good because they
don't have the option to just kick the shit out of you
you know see we only go like three levels in we have like a couple approaches
we can do and then
we always go well then i'm gonna beat the fuck out of you right but then you
get to a female that
option's gone so now you're showing up right it's like you're playing tennis
all you got is a forehand
all she's got to do is hit it to your backhand you're fucked and it's over so i'm
telling you you
guys out there you got to add to your argument arsenal okay practice it just
get yourself just
you know what you got to do you got to visualize it all right because you're
gonna
fuck up if you just try to do it in an argument just lay there and just think
of all the mean
shit that she could possibly fucking say to you and just practice being calm
and the joy that you're
going to take when you say you're being really hostile right now i think it'd
be better if we
discussed it a little bit later possibly tomorrow when you're in a calmer mood
and just seeing that
pause and that look on her face as her eyes narrow like this motherfucker
figured me out
it's one of the great moments you know it's like that dude in jurassic park
when he actually had
respect for those whatever those fucking those raptors were
one douche to another douche recognizes douche game right there all right so
there you go that's
how you handle it no you know and this right now and she of course she's gonna
say i don't know if we
should continue dating she's trying you know maybe this is a fucking ego thing
she's trying all of this
shit and she actually has already half mind fuck you because you said she says
it's an ego thing and
then you said maybe it is you know is that so wrong though am i wrong for
feeling the things that i actually
feel that's how fucking much she's in your fucking head like those little maggots
that they stuck in
those fucking helmets of those guys in star trek remember that wrong it fucking
climbed in their ears they
were never the same okay that's what a woman does
it's what they do man i'm fucking sorry but that's what they do
pimp does the same fucking thing all right but you know
i don't i don't fuck it i don't know what the fuck i'm saying all right you can't
you can't have
that you just gotta fucking remain calm and never get involved in the insulting
thing now this isn't
straight across the board and listen to if you just completely fucked up like
you forgot her birthday
and she's flipping out and fucking calling you uh an insensitive fucking
asshole that you need to
apologize don't don't you know if you forget her birthday and like step on a
birthday cake and she's
screaming at you don't be sitting there with frosting on your foot going okay
you're being really hostile
right now i think it'd be better to uh discuss this later when you're a little
bit calmer possibly
tomorrow because you're gonna have every kitchen knife is going to be coming at
you and it will be a
justifiable homicide you know i was getting hooked they justify every fucking
thing they do it's
fucking ridiculous i was what the fuck i was talking about